Looking Back

Everyone asks me how the birth went, and whether or not I'd like to do a waterbirth at home again. I think a more appropriate question is, would I ever want to give birth again, at all? I always wanted more than just two kids, and I'd hate to look back a decade from now and regret what could have been. Still, pregnancy is a difficult experience for me, between the horrible nausea and severe discomfort of the final weeks, and I'm not in a hurry to repeat it. I'm enjoying the newfound freedom of sleeping on my belly again and feeling two tons lighter, while my pelvic bones still ache from the birth. :) Not a good time to ask about more kids, while I'm still in recovery.

At any rate, I definitely prefer the atmosphere of a home birth to that of a hospital. There were some definite moments of panic for me, when I reached that tell-tale stage in labor where I thought there's no way I could do this and wasn't going to make it. In that moment, the last thing you need is a hospital staff more than ready to confirm your worse fears: that you can't do it, and need to be rescued with modern technology. Instead, I had very wise midwives who knew the difference between the natural symptoms of Transition (despair) and a true emergency. Between them and David, all I heard were encouraging words that I was doing a great job, that Amanda was almost here, and that my body was perfectly designed to do this. I do think that this birth was more painful than my last, probably because it went so quickly that my endorphins didn't have much time to catch up. It felt like I was on a runaway train, and before I knew it, she was here.

The tub of warm water didn't dull the pain, but it helped me cope by allowing me to move freely and taking the weight off my back and hips. It also helped prevent me from tearing: I ended up with only one tiny tear that didn't even require stitches. The freedom, support, and control I had over my own birth experience was worth the trade off. And being able to crawl into my own bed with my warm new bundle was amazing, too. I could eat immediately, without having to wait for the cafeteria to open like last time, and I didn't have nurses coming into my room every hour to disturb my rest. I honestly think my recovery those first few days was much better because I was already home. Eva was able to come and go as she pleased, without visitor restrictions in a strange place. She felt totally comfortable climbing up into our bed to meet her new sister, and was never kept away from Mommy, which I think really helped her bond with the baby and avoid resentment.