7/30/07 - Change Happens

Amanda is only a week old, and already is changing so quickly. When she was first born, her hair appeared to be a dark, silky brown. After a few days it was getting greasy, so I finally washed it with baby soap. Now it's a fuzzy lighter brown with golden highlights. It spikes up a bit in the back, which is absolutely adorable. Her umbilical stump finally fell off, leaving a cute little "innie". She’s been strong enough to lift and turn her head from the first day, and her color is looking a lot less red now, and a lot more natural pink, except when she's mad, of course! :) Amanda's fingernails were so long when she was born, I've already had to trim them once, to keep her from scratching herself. But to me, the biggest observation is that I noticed her eyes are tracking normally already, and never go crossed. Even though it’s normal for babies to go cross-eyed up to 3 months old, it’s a relief to know that she won’t have the same eye troubles as Eva.

Sisters

Eva loves her baby sister already, and tries to get close to her whenever she can. Yesterday morning when she woke up, the first word out of her mouth was "Amanda?" She followed me into our room with her little jammies still on, crawled into our bed next to Dave, and gave her sleeping baby sister a big kiss on the cheek. It's amazing to think that we are now officially a family of four. The big challenge right now is that Eva doesn't know her own strength, and is apt to kill little Amanda with affection. Whenever I nurse the baby, Eva tries to climb up next to me and watch. She strokes Amanda like a cat, leans forward to kiss her (accidentally crushing her in the process), and tries to help burp her by patting her back. Then she starts inspecting her tiny hands and features, threatening to poke her eyes out by pointing out the parts of her face: "eyes!". The baby isn't the only attraction. Eva is fascinated by the way I nurse the baby, trying to figure out how my nursing top works and how mommy makes milk. When we lay Amanda down to sleep in the play yard downstairs, Eva climbs into the closest nearby chair and tries to reach in to touch her. We don't want Eva to feel pushed aside when the baby's around, so we try to include her as much as we can, but it's a challenge to keep it safe and gentle. Also, while she seems to love the new addition, she’s recently gotten more testy when she wants her way, throwing bigger tantrums than usual. It’s almost as if she wants to see how far she can push us, with company and a new baby to distract us.

Back Troubles

David's back has been bothering him a lot lately. He's had back problems for years, but every once in awhile he'll have a flare-up so bad that he can hardly stand up straight. For awhile he was going to the chiropractor once a month to help maintain the improvement he had gained, but he quit several months ago, saying he felt better and didn't need it anymore. He's had a few bad days since then, but he always insists that he's fine once the pain subsides, and that going to the chiropractor when you're not hurting is a waste of money. I, however, view it as preventative maintenance, in order to avoid an ordeal like the one we're going through right now. A few days ago his back started hurting, and he figured it was from loading the rental birth tub back into the midwife's car. It's only gotten worse since then, though he's tried to rest, and last night came to a head. At 1am he woke with a charlie horse in his leg, and jerked so quickly that he wrenched his sore back. All day he's had stabbing pain radiating all the way down his leg, and has been stuck flat on his back. Eva wanted her Daddy, but he couldn't hold or lift her.

To make matters worse, Dave was forced to cancel and reschedule a job interview he had this morning. Also, I've started bleeding again for the first time in three days, which my midwife says is a clear sign of overexertion. She wants me to take it easy and let my body fully heal, which is difficult to do with Dave out of commission. My parents postponed a day trip to visit friends in Orange County in order to stay home and help take care of us. They've been very helpful, especially with Eva and the baby. I don't know what we would do without them. Dave decided to make an emergency trip to the chiropractor, since he could barely walk. She managed to help him stand upright, and eliminate the pain radiating down his leg. But she told him that it's going to take several appointments close together to help him fully recover, while a maintenance visit once a month could have helped prevent flare-ups for a lot less money and time.

Birth Certificate

Under current state law, a licensed midwife cannot issue a birth certificate; only a doctor can. It's a huge extra hassle, because there's a mile-long list of hoops we have to jump through to get Amanda’s birth certificate, all while we're trying to recover. To me, it's a discriminatory policy designed to discourage out-of-hospital births. There are two main reasons for this: at home, it is the woman who has control of her birth, not the medical establishment. Secondly, doctors and hospitals don't make any money if you birth at home. It's why you hear the medical community claim that only hospital births are truly safe, even though the facts clearly show otherwise. They scare you with stories of all the things that can potentially go wrong, but you never hear them admit that many complications that occur during birth are due to adverse effects from unnecessary interventions, and could have been avoided if they had let nature take it's course instead of interfering. (I'm not referring, of course, to the rare instances when interventions are medically necessary, but to the majority of times when doctors jump in due to impatience or a simple desire to CYA).

So while a woman in America has the right to a homebirth, she has a whole mess of bureaucratic red tape to wade through in order to get her baby the legal documentation he/she needs. Once a baby's born, we (the parents) have to call the Office of Vital Records & Statistics and request a "home birth packet". They send it to us, then we fill it out and call back for an appointment. At the appointment have to bring: valid ID for both parents, a witness to the birth (husbands qualify), the baby (duh!), a signed letter from the midwife verifying my pregnancy, a birth certificate worksheet provided by the midwife, three proofs of the mother's residency (two from before the birth, one from after): such as utility bills, letters addressed to the mother, mortgage payment receipt, etc. And the doozy: three notarized letters, handwritten, from people not related to us and from different households, to confirm that I was pregnant, the date the child was born, and the address where the child was born. They must include the names, address, home and work telephone numbers of the people who wrote them, and be notarized, or they won't be accepted. Isn't that a hoot? Oh, and the process needs to begin no later than 10 days after the baby's birth, and the office is an hour away from me in downtown San Diego. No big deal for a mother recovering from childbirth and a brand new infant, right? I can't help but think it would be alot easier if I was just an illegal alien who jumped the border and delivered my baby in an emergency room: no valid ID required, and the baby is an automatic citizen. What could be easier?

7/28/07 - A New Person

Already Amanda is showing us that she is her own little person. The first few days she's was sleeping a lot during the day, but fussing and wanting to nurse constantly at night. She's been having trouble burping, which means she'll wake suddenly with sharp cries suggestive of gas pains. However, last night she slept peacefully, only waking every 3 to 4 hours to nurse, which is restful for me. She's taken quickly to nursing, and now that my milk has come in, she stays fuller longer, and seems to be more comfortable. During her alert times, she loves to stare at faces or lights, and will gaze wonderingly all about her. She makes the cutest facial expressions, which have already stolen the hearts of Grandma and Grandpa Stone. When she decides wants to nurse, she wants it NOW, and not two seconds from now. She hates having her diaper changed or being given a sponge bath, and will cry angrily until she turns bright red all over. Dave nicknamed her "Jack Jack", after the baby with the fiery temper in "The Incredibles". It's clear she's a very different personality than Eva was, and I look forward to getting to know her more as the days go by.

Eva is doing so well with the new baby that it's almost a non-event. She alternates between fascination, wanting to look at and touch her, playing with the new baby gadgets, or simply going on about her busy little day as if nothing was different. She seems more unsettled by having company over than Amanda's arrival. She loves all the excitement and attention, but can get a little touchy (depending on her mood) if one of my family tries to take over a job Mommy or Daddy normally would do, like changing her diaper.

Healing

Four days old, and Amanda has already gone for her first car ride and outing. Grandma and Grandpa took us to Babies 'R Us to buy us a double stroller of our choice, as a baby gift. It was nice to get out of the house, even though I'm certainly walking slower. Then we hit the drive-thru for some In-N-Out. Amanda stayed in the infant carrier the whole time, with the exception of a blowout diaper change in the back of their van, and a nursing session in the parking lot.

I am recovering much faster from this delivery than I did from my last, and feel much more energetic. For one thing, the fact that Amanda came out facing the right direction means that my hips and pelvic bones, while tender and sore, are healing much faster than last time. Already I can sit on any chair in the house without my donut pillow, which, when I had Eva, I still had to use nearly three weeks afterward. I can make it up and down the stairs without pain, and I no longer need to take ibuprofen. I still can't walk far, but that's more due to the exhaustion of overexerting myself than it is to discomfort. I still waddle like I'm pregnant when I walk, due to stiffness and the fact that my deflated, jello-like belly feels unstable and sways with my movements. It will be awhile before I can get firm abs back.

Family

Having my family staying with me has been a big help, and has probably helped contribute to the speed of my recovery. They help change and burp the baby, entertain Eva, make dinner, run errands and clean around the house. It's wonderful to know it's not all falling on David's shoulders, especially since I can't really be left alone yet with both kids. It's been a treat having him home so much, especially when we had originally wondered how much paternity leave he'd be able to take when the baby came. However, a month of joblessness has started to make him more restless. He has two more interviews this week, one for a local position, and one for northern CA. At this point, we'd like to not have to deal with idea of trying to relocate to a strange new place, or having to sell our house, so we're really praying for something local to work out. In the meantime, Dave has started receiving unemployment checks, which will help offset our immediate expenses so we can reserve our savings for mortgage payments. Our friend Xavier has also hired Dave for an occasional day of work for his business, which has been very helpful as well. And we found out that MediCal will cover me and the kids, but not Dave. Apparently our used cars' value throws us over the limit for collective assets: $3000. So I guess if one of us gets hurt, we'll have to sell our car to pay for it. Oh, well!

7/26/07 - Amanda Lee Is Here!!!

She arrived 3:08 on Tuesday afternoon, weighing in at 8lbs 2oz, and 19 inches long. She has a head full of dark brown hair and her eyes are a dark bluish gray.

I woke up Tuesday morning (July 24th) to find a small trickle, and suspected my water had broken. After a couple hours and no more leaks, I started to wonder if I was mistaken. Then I started to get cramping sensations in my lower back. At 9am I finally called my midwife to give her a heads up, though I wasn't sure what was going on (frankly, I was in denial, and felt totally unready). The midwife suggested I come to her office so she could test with a pH strip to see if it was really amniotic fluid or not. I left Dave setting up the birthing tub just in case, while my Dad ran to the store for a couple items that were missing from our homebirth supply list.

I had several good contractions during my office visit, and Michelle confirmed that I was indeed in labor. My water had partially broken and I was dilated to 4 centimeters. She tested my blood once again for anemia, and it came back at normal levels for the first time in weeks. She cleared all her afternoon appointments and told me to call when I was ready for her. By the time we got home (11am) I was pretty uncomfortable, but I ate part of a turkey sandwich for energy. I settled into our bedroom, rolling up my snoogle pillow into a donut shape so I could lay down with my belly supported, while Mom and Dave took turns applying counter-pressure on my back.

At noon Michelle arrived with her two assistants, Laura and Lauren, and started to set up. It was blazing hot outside, but a window A/C unit and ceiling fan kept it cool and comfortable. Eva seemed bewildered by all the excitement, but still managed to go down for a nap. It wasn't long before I was in the tub, clinging to Dave for support. Amanda was born under water after only 4 pushes, at 3:08 in the afternoon. It was incredibly fast and intense, but the safety and support of being at home was wonderful. Amanda was calm and alert, floating in the warm water with a look of wonder on her face.

My Dad brought Eva into the room to meet her new baby sister, and she watched intently as they weighed and measured her, and checked all her vitals. After they wrapped Amanda up, Dave brought her over for Eva to see. She stroked the soft bundle like it was a cat, then pointed out her new sister's features with interest, saying, "Eyes! Nose! Hands!" Later she brought her favorite pink blanket out of her room and tried to lay it over Amanda to keep her warm. It was very sweet!

Meeting Baby Sister

Waterbirth At Home

Caught By Surprise

Little Amanda decided to make an early debut by showing up four days before my first due date (July 28th), and 11 days before my second (Aug 4th), which frankly, I had put more stock in. She caught me totally unprepared. My parents had only arrived the day before, just in time for the midwives' home visit. They came to check that I had my supplies ready, get familiar with the house and where everything was, and go over our birth plan. Barely 17 hours later, I was in labor! Never in a million years would I have expected an early baby, especially after her sister kept me in suspense for a full 13 days past her due date. I'm glad my family arrived when they did. It's been nice to have so many pairs of hands to help! Eva is enjoying the extra attention, though she only lets Daddy give her a bath or put her to bed.

Postpartum Recovery

The midwives stayed for several hours after the birth to monitor me and the baby. I was pretty weak and shaky, so they helped me eat and shower, and get settled in bed. Amanda was alert and active, waking frequently to nurse during the night. Still, we were able to get pretty good sleep in three hour intervals. The next day I was too sore to leave our room. Mom and David helped me get to the bathroom and back, waiting on me hand-and-foot. We had lots of visitors and phone calls, and my room was full of flowers. Aunt Nanci brought Grandma Geri by to see the baby. She can't get into the house with her wheelchair, so Nanci brought the baby out to the car so she could hold her. Later that evening one of the midwives stopped by to check on me and the baby, and determined we were doing well. I'm now feeling well enough to get up and down the stairs by myself, so I'm no longer confined to my bedroom.

7/22/07 - Grow, Baby, Grow!

Well, the job in Encinitas fell through, unfortunately. Still, there are a few leads David’s been given from a former marketer of his that he plans to pursue. In the meantime, we wait to find out if Dave has been approved for unemployment, and prepare the house for the arrival of my family and the new baby.

My belly is so heavy now that it's really straining my lower back. It sticks out so far, it probably enters a room a full 10 seconds before I do. We got together with Dave's family for a group birthday party for the guys yesterday, and the overall reaction (especially from those who haven't seen me in awhile) was pretty much "OMG! You're HUGE! That doesn't even look real!" Frankly, I'd have to agree. Most people, however, are still sweet enough to claim that I'm carrying it all out front, and "from the back, you can't even tell you're pregnant". It's hard to drive because I have to sit further back from the steering wheel and pedals. Simple chores like loading and unloading the dishwasher leave my back muscles aching and exhausted, forcing me to lie down and recover before trying the next task. Picking Eva up takes a huge effort, as does hauling myself up the stairs. I know I'm supposed to be walking, but just getting around the house all day or on the occasional errand takes a lot out of me.

It's so frustrating to feel like I'm carrying a 40lb sack of potatoes strapped to my front, 24 hours a day. I see things around the house that I want to clean up, like mopping the kitchen floor, but I know it would end up being not only draining, but painful. I have to limit myself to quick tasks like throwing in a load of laundry, and then take a break. The way all my insides have been cramped up leaves me with constant, sharp gas pains. I avoid gassy foods like the plague, but it hasn't helped. Often I'll feel a stabbing pain after sitting up or changing positions. When the baby stretches, I can feel pressure on my cervix while her feet push up against my breastbone. I've also been noticing uncomfortable pressure on my front pelvic bone, especially when I first stand up. Sometimes I wonder if it's her bony head grinding up against my pelvis. I can't really tell which way she's positioned now. She moves around so much, I don't know if she's still posterior or not. But I'm doing everything in my power to help gravity move her into the anterior position, if at all possible. I really don't want to deal with back labor!

Snack Attack

Eva has become a bona fide grazer, just like her mommy. She doesn't like to sit down and eat a big meal, but prefers to snack throughout the day. That's fine by me, except the trick is making sure her snacks are healthy. By far, it's much easier and less messy to give her a cup full of teddy grahams, goldfish crackers or raisins. Snacks like sliced fruit, cheese or yogurt require sitting at the table and cleaning up afterward. Still, since she's gotten so much better at feeding herself, it's really worth the effort.

7/19/07 - Suspense!

A couple nights ago I started getting frequent contractions, strong enough that I started timing them. 5 minutes, 10 minutes, they were all over the place, and finally let up after a couple hours. Frankly, I was relieved. As eager as I am to get this baby out, we still don't have the birthing tub, my mom’s not here to help yet, my midwife’s home visit (to go over all the plans) isn’t until Monday, and there are a few last-minute things I want taken care of first.

The baby's imminent arrival isn't the only thing that has us holding our breath. Dave still hasn't heard back on the results of his second interview with Atria yet. The recruiter assures him he's still in the running, but with no other local job leads, we're kind of on pins and needles. It will still be several days before we find out whether or not Dave's been approved for unemployment, either, so we have no idea what our income may be in the near future (if at all).

My parents' arrival has suddenly been delayed by a new crisis, too. A couple days ago, a neighbor happened to peek in the window of my brother's mobile home and noticed mold growing up the wall. Apparently a water heater leak flooded the house and enabled mold to grow in over half of it. The trailer has been vacant for a couple months, so there's no telling how long it's been going on. And of course now they're going to lose the income from the new tenant that was planning to move in on Aug 1st, not to mention all the money they invested to buy it. They still don't know at this point whether their insurance will cover the damage, whether it will be a total loss, or whether they'll have to pay to clean up and rebuild. Since my brother and his family are still in China, my parents have to sort it out before they can leave to drive down here.

Blessings in Disguise

This has been a week of unexpected blessings. Dave drove over a screw, causing a slow leak in my tire. He took it to Sam's Club (where we bought our tires) and they patched it, no charge. While he was waiting, Dave mentioned to the manager that the 32" flat panel Vizio TV we bought from them over a year ago keeps flicking on and off at random times. Apparently this wasn't the only complaint they've had on that model, so the guy offered us an exchange. That took us by surprise, since it's over a year old. Dave packed our TV back in the box and took it back that same afternoon. The price has dropped about $400 since we bought it, so Dave exchanged it for a better quality Philips instead, bought the extended warranty, and still walked away with an $80 gift card for the difference. In the meantime, Dave has finished building our new backyard fence, spacing the boards so we can get more of a breeze, which means he can return the extra lumber for a refund. Now he's working on reorganizing Eva's closet so we can hang more baby clothes in there.

Barefoot and Pregnant

When your belly button turns inside out, that officially means you're done, right? (I can almost hear the oven timer go off in my head: "ding!"). Well, that was a couple weeks ago. Now my belly button has completely disappeared, thanks to the skin being stretched so tight. I keep saying there's no way I can possibly get any bigger, but it's almost like baby Amanda has a wager going: "wanna bet?" At least my new stretch marks don't itch as badly as they did during my last pregnancy. Last time I thought I was going to jump out of my skin, they itched so badly! I was afraid the heat of summer might make it worse, but so far, so good. We had a record heat wave over the west coast last week, but thanks to overcast skies and sea breezes, it didn't hit us all that hard (there are perks to living within 15 miles off the coast). This week the sun has been out in full force, so I'm starting to migrate towards air conditioning, wherever I can find it. I see Dave and other people still wearing long pants and tennis shoes in the middle of the day, and I wanna die! I'm barely able to stay cool in tank tops, shorts and bare feet! All I can hope is that the weather is unusually cool on the day I go into labor.

Daddy's Girl

Eva's attachment to Dave is bordering on the obsessive since he's been home so much. It's almost as if she knows this is a temporary situation, and wants to milk it for all it's worth. She doesn't want to go with me to get dressed or change a diaper; she wants Daddy to do it. She doesn't want me to give her a bath or put her down for her nap; that's Daddy's job. If I try to take her with me on an errand so Dave can get something done, she throws a fit. Even if I take her into another room, the first words out of her mouth are "where's Daddy?" It's become a constant mantra. Wherever he is, that's where she wants to be. He recently replaced the backyard fence (a rather dangerous work site for a curious toddler), and it was difficult keeping her away. She wanted to play outside with him, instead of staying out of the way with her nose pressed against a closed sliding glass door.

7/15/07 - The Saga Continues

Last Friday we went in to the MediCal office, because immediate coverage for conditions like pregnancy require application in person. They took our paperwork and told us to wait until our name was called. After four hours of trying to entertain an exhausted toddler on uncomfortable metal benches, they finally called David to the window to inform him that we had an interview in nine days. All that waiting, just to tell us when our interview was?? We found out that the whole family didn't have to be there that day, but just at the interview. That information would have been helpful about four hours earlier, but I guess they didn't feel the need to tell us that! They also gave us a list of documents we’re supposed to bring: birth certificates, marriage license, social security cards, drivers licenses, mortgage statements, copies of all our bills...basically every legal and financial document on the planet. Of course, it says on the top page that the lack of a valid SSN or proof of legal residence does not necessarily disqualify you. So if we were here illegally, we could skip all the documentation and still get in? Gee, thanks! Government managed healthcare?  A contradiction in terms!

Looking Forward

It's hard to believe that soon we'll be a family of four, and Eva will be a big sister! I guess it's like it was last time we were expecting: you try to imagine what it's going to be like, but you just can't wrap your head around it until you're there. I'm starting to really look forward to meeting this baby. My Braxton Hicks contractions are getting stronger and longer lasting, but they're erratic and unpredictable. I recently found out I tested positive for Group B Strep, so Michelle is prescribing a treatment for the next two weeks. If I still test positive after that, I may need IV antibiotics during labor to protect the baby, something she can easily take care of at a homebirth.

We've got a lot going on in the next couple weeks. Dave's interview with Atria on Sunday went really well, and he has another interview scheduled for Tuesday, this time with the Regional Director. It looks very promising. Then David's family is getting together this Saturday to celebrate all the guy's birthdays. Early next week my parents arrive from Oregon, just in time to be there for the midwife home visit. Then we have the MediCal interview next week (even if Dave gets this job, his benefits won't kick in for awhile).

Where Did My Baby Go?

I finally pulled all of Eva's old baby clothes out of storage and put them in the dresser for baby Amanda. As I go through all the cute little outfits I remember so well, it's hard to believe that Eva was ever so tiny. Getting ready for a newborn brings home just how much Eva has changed in two short years. She's such a big girl now, so independent and full of personality. She can climb over any obstacle in her path, and is very resourceful in getting what she wants. She can put a 6-piece puzzle together with little or no help. She can tip her cereal bowl and drink the milk out of it without spilling (a skill I'm sure she learned from Daddy). She’s a pro at feeding herself with toddler utensils. She's gotten too tall for her high chair, so we finally switched her to a booster seat at the table. (That's long overdue, I know, but it was a lot easier when I could just wash her tray instead of cleaning a mess at the table).

Healthy Eating

It's getting more difficult to sneak vegetables and healthy foods into Eva's diet. Sometimes I try mixing them together with rice or mashed potatoes, but she always spots them and picks them out, or she'll take them out of her mouth as soon as she tastes them. When I feed her a sandwich, she likes to pull it apart and eat only her favorite things: meat, cheese, and bread. She likes grapes and bananas, and will eat an entire avocado by herself, but things like corn, broccoli, green beans, carrots and peas rarely get past her radar. I'm really puzzled by it, because she used to love all of them. Hopefully this is just a phase, and she’ll develop a taste for them again soon.

7/12/07 - Health Care Hurdles

Eva had an eye appointment this week, and the doctor determined that her eyes are responding to her new bifocal prescription, so once again we've managed to dodge surgery. I'm glad this was taken care of while we still had insurance. Trying to maneuver the health care system is a real drag. Our coverage officially ends 30 days after Dave's termination date. We thought about extending it with COBRA, but found out it would cost us over $700 per month. Even if we had income right now, we couldn’t possibly afford that. Besides, that wouldn't let us add a newborn baby who wasn't on the plan previously. For now, our only choice is to go on MediCal. Even if Dave started a new job today, it would be at least three months before he qualified for health benefits, and this baby is due in just three weeks.

I called my pediatrician’s office to ask what I'm supposed to do about those first newborn check-ups. She said they only accept Medical for previous patients (like Eva), not new patients (the baby). I have to personally show up at the local MediCal office and ask them to cover me immediately (by-passing the normal 45-day application process) because my due date is so close, and then sign up for the only MediCal insurance my pediatrician accepts: Community Health Group. By the time that goes through, the baby would be about two months old. How aggravating! If I was an illegal alien, I could just show up at the local clinic or emergency room and not have to pay or verify a thing. But because I'm a law-abiding, taxpaying American citizen, I have to run the gauntlet of endless paperwork and requirements (including a signed letter from my midwife to prove that I'm actually pregnant, because apparently a huge, stretch-marked belly doesn’t count), hoping that someone, somewhere, would be willing to see my newborn baby without sending me a hefty bill.

I was sharing my concerns with my midwife, and she assured me my baby would get the proper care. Not only does she stay with us for at least two hours after the birth to monitor our condition, she does a follow-up home visit a few days later. She also offers newborn check-ups at two, four and six weeks in her office, at no additional charge. That's such a load off my mind, I can't even tell you! If I hadn't chosen a homebirth and already pre-paid a midwife for all her services, I'd really be in a fix right now! I wish medical insurance was more like auto insurance: you'd buy it yourself without having it tied to your employer (which limits your choices to whatever crappy plans they choose, anyway). And then you'd get discounts for healthy habits and preventative care, and could choose what levels of coverage you wanted. And while I'm dreaming, how about a big lottery win?

Time to Spare

The job hunt hasn't been very productive yet. Dave has posted resumes on Monster and CareerBuilder, and has applied for several positions in Assisted and Independent Living. But so far the only nibble he's gotten has been for a building in Texas, and they just want more specific info for the application. Of course, he's gotten plenty of e-mails and calls from recruiters trying to get him into commission-only or home-based business schemes (they'll take anyone who's breathing), but all they do is waste our time. I did notice that in the past few days, three more Executive Director positions from Dave's company have popped up on the job sites, which means he's not the only casualty from the merger. Word of mouth has gone better. One of his local networking contacts put a good word in for him for a Sales Director position in Encinitas, and they want to meet with Dave. We'll see how that goes.

Being jobless has allowed David to indulge in many of the favorite activities he doesn't often get to do. Cycling is the big one right now. He's been seriously into that for awhile, but watching the Tour De France every day has gotten him all fired up. I've been finding cycling magazines all over the house. Dave never misses a chance to go for a bike ride, even if it means taking Eva with him in the toddler seat or trailer. Even his beloved surfing has taken a back seat to cycling, probably because he doesn't have to drive anywhere or meet anyone to do it. Tinkering around the house is another favorite activity. It's nice because it's usually very productive, but occasionally I have to draw the line. With the countertops finished, Dave wants to start scraping the acoustic popcorn off the master bedroom ceiling. If I wasn't getting ready to deliver a baby there in a few short weeks, I might consider it. But the idea of having to move out furniture, protect everything from gritty white residue, find another place to sleep and store my clothes, all while trying to prepare for a homebirth, is just too much work so close to my due date. I understand there won't be many opportunities once the baby comes, but if we're not moving or selling in the near future, it won't matter anyway. I'd rather David started building the new backyard fence, so we can get that pile of lumber out of the garage and park both cars there again. Plus, that job is outside, so it won't disrupt the house at all.

7/9/07 - 'Haven't You Had That Baby Yet?'

I can tell I'm gonna be hearing that question a lot in the next month. This Sunday I was feeling like crap (painful gas, aching hips and back, haven't been able to sleep all week) and the first guy I ran into at church (who’s lack of tact tends to annoy me anyway) thought he was being really funny by acting shocked to see me and asking "haven't you had that baby yet?" (This is the same guy who, towards the end of my last pregnancy, joked that I was "eating for three") I had to bite my lip and walk past without even looking at him before a sarcastic retort slipped out. I'm not due for three more weeks (an absolute eternity, as far as I'm concerned), I'm horribly uncomfortable, and it's too bad for people to start teasing me about it already (especially men, who have no clue what this feels like)!  It ranks up there with my second favorite: "Look how HUGE you're getting!" Arrggh! How about a little tact and compassion?

Time Stands Still

Is it possible to get the baby blues before the baby arrives? Time hangs heavily on my hands these days. I feel like I'm in an endless holding pattern, waiting for the next step, but unable to move forward. It's been weeks since I've felt relatively comfortable, and it will be weeks more before I will again. It's not that I don't have things to do. It's that I'm tired, achy and cranky, and can't seem to muster the motivation to haul my fat pregnant butt off the couch to do anything. Then of course I feel lazy and guilty for wanting to lay around, and for not having anything productive to show for myself at the end of the day.

It's been wonderful having Dave home, but spending so much time cooped up in the house together can get wearing, too. He can't sit still for two seconds together, and I know he'd like to go do stuff together, though he tries to be patient with me. Dave's so busy doing a million different things, while I selfishly want him to take over watching Eva and some of the household chores, keep me company, or wait on me as long as he's around. It's really not fair to him. I can see he's trying to be compassionate, but probably wonders why I sometimes act like more of an invalid than I really am. He suggests I'd have more energy if I'd just move around more. I don't mind going to a friend's house where I can sit down, or on a necessary errand, but I avoid any extra exertions of energy. Any place where I have to stand for long periods, or walk very far, or spend the whole time chasing after Eva isn't very appealing right now.

I find myself going online a lot to check my e-mail or the ConnectingMoms and MySpace message boards, just to see if there's anything new. I look for something interesting to read or watch on TV, or try to think of people I haven't called in awhile that I might chat with. My mind is restless, but my body wants to take it easy because it won't put up with much. Sleep isn't much of an escape, either. I wake up to moan and groan every time I have to roll over in bed, and inevitably find that the new position puts pressure on my bladder, so then I have to get up and pee. The same thing happens every time I shift positions in a chair or get up after sitting too long. It's a real drag, but I just need to keep the finish line in sight. If it just didn't seem so far away...

Movie Magic

When I'm pregnant and unusually emotionally sensitive, I usually try to avoid books or movies that are stressful or depressing, and try to focus on the whatever is positive, inspiring, or funny. This week I really hit the jackpot when it came to movies. The first was a film about the life of Mother Theresa. The lead part was played by an actress I'd never heard of, Olivia Hussey, but I thought she did a fantastic job. She nailed the famous nun's accent and mannerisms to a T. At any rate, I found her story very inspiring. This is what true Christianity looks like, I thought: no political agendas, no debates or protests or petty arguments, no desire to shove her views in other people's faces. All she wanted to do was show Jesus' love and compassion to the hurting, the lonely, the dying, the poor...and let God take care of the rest. Our ideas of how things should be, who's right and who's wrong don't matter to God. We're simply called to be His hands and feet to a hurting world, so people know how much He loves them. It's that simple. Why do we let so many unimportant things get in the way of that? It's just our own stubborn selfishness and pride. Certainly food for thought. The next movie was "The Pursuit of Happyness". It falls into the genre of "pick yourself up by the bootstraps and conquer the odds". My Dad loves movies like that, like "Rudy" and "The Rookie". Only this wasn't some impossible sports dream. This was a guy just trying to make ends meet, to provide for his son, to make the most of every opportunity to chase the American dream. I love how he chose not to feel sorry for himself or consider himself a victim, but instead persevered in spite of every obstacle. Stories like that give you hope for this world.

Puppy Love

Aunt Nanci and Uncle Gary got two new dogs they rescued from the animal shelter: Bandit and Cleo. Already, Eva's in love. Whenever we drive up to their house, she starts calling "Bandit!" and looking for him. The first time she came over, Bandit chewed up Eva's stuffed doggy, and now it's his favorite toy. But since they got Cleo to keep him company, I'm sure he'll enjoy that more. Eva didn't mind, anyway. A live dog is way more fun than stuffed one any day, and she loves to hug and kiss them, and squeal at their antics.

Teething Again?

Eva's been unusually whiny and cranky lately, and has started a new habit of chewing or sucking on her fingers. Occasionally she'll cry in her sleep, though when I go to check on her she settles right down, and I notice she's not really awake. I'm beginning to wonder if she's teething again. Her dentist told us to expect her two-year molars to start showing themselves in the next couple months, so that might be it, though I haven't been able to feel any bumps yet. Meanwhile, Dave has been dealing with tooth problems of his own. For the past few days he's been trying to ignore a sore tooth that's especially sensitive to cold, but he finally gave in and made an appointment with the dentist. When he went in, the pain had stopped and they couldn't find any cavities or problems, so we have no idea what that was all about.

7/7/07 - Home Is Where The Birth Is

We're busy doing final preparations for our upcoming homebirth. Our birth tub is on reserve, and we'll pick it up about a week before my due date. We ordered our birth kit online and gathered a list of supplies required by Michelle, my midwife. My next appointment is going to be a home visit, so she and her two assistant midwives can get to know our house and where to find everything. Usually she wants everyone who plans on attending the birth to be there so she can go over what to expect, who's in charge of what, etc. But since my family isn't going to arrive until late July, she said we could video record our meeting with her. That way they can be familiar with our plans, and somewhat with her, in case they don't get to meet her before the delivery. I've put my Dad in charge of Eva, Caleb (13) in charge of video (after the baby's born), and Barocha (15) on camera duty. That frees up Mom and David to attend to me. As long as I'm in the tub where you can't really see anything, and they stay quiet and out of the way, I don't mind everyone being there. But if I have to get out for any reason, or things get too crazy, the guys are gone (except for Dave, of course), and so is the camera. That's the plan right now.

Keeping Busy

Dave has never been one to sit still. He’s applied to half a dozen jobs we spotted online and made a few phone calls, but most his time has been spent in projects around the house. He’s had the kitchen under construction all week. The countertop with the sink was installed by the second day, so I could at least cook and wash dishes again. Now he just needs to finish a custom piece that has weird dimensions, but Gary will help him finish that. In the interim, Dave took a day to reorganize the whole garage. It's kept him pretty busy, though Eva follows him around like a puppy and wastes no opportunity to climb under the sink with him or play with his tools. It's amazing he's been able to get done as much as he has!

Getting Enough Rest

Up until now, I was taking an hour or two during Eva's naptime to lie down on the couch and read or watch TV. I was never able to sleep, but it was a good way to rest and recharge. Not only that, but it was usually my best opportunity during the day to lie on my left side or drape myself face-forward over the exercise ball, in order to encourage the baby to move into the correct (anterior) position. But for the past week, since David has been home, I haven't been laying down that much during the day. It's ironic, because with him to help watch Eva, you'd think I'd be getting more rest. Instead, I find myself taking advantage of the opportunity to run errands, finish a project or do something on the computer. Not only am I noticing the dent in my energy level, but the baby has drifted baby into the posterior position again, largely because I frequently plop down for a break on the couch or another chair that tempts me to recline backwards.

Potty Training

Eva is 26 months now, and a lot of people wonder whether we're potty training yet. In some ways we are. If we happen to catch her grunting in time, Dave will take her up to the bathroom and put her on the toilet with a toddler seat. But otherwise, we're not pursuing it too aggressively. I know a lot of mothers claim their babies were potty trained at a year old and such, but all that means is that they ran their kids to the bathroom every hour, wiped their bottoms and helped them pull their pants up and down. In the meantime, they carried extra clothes around for months because of all the accidents. To me, that's way more work than diapers, especially with a new baby to deal with. I'm waiting for two signs: that Eva can recognize the urge and tell me before she goes, and that I can tell her to hold it, if necessary, until we find a restroom. Surprisingly, I know more and more mothers who are waiting for the same reason. Unless you're dying to get your kid into a daycare or preschool that requires children to be potty-trained, there's really no hurry.

7/5/07 - The Fourth of July

We celebrated the 4th of July at Nanci and Gary's house. It was the first time this summer that Eva has been in the pool, and she had a blast. We thought she might be afraid of the water, and she had a healthy fear if we weren't holding on to her, but otherwise she loved it, especially when Daddy would toss her up in the air. Actually, I think she was a bit too brave, because she kept trying to walk up to the edge and step in after we were done. At 9pm we watched the local fireworks show from the driveway, and Eva kept saying "pretty!" and repeating the names of the colors as Amber and Xavier named them for her. This was Eva's third Independence Day, which is hard to believe. At her first, she was only a month old and slept through the whole thing. I'm sure that she will enjoy it more with every year that passes.

Celebrating America

I read an interesting article by Dennis Prager this week, where he proposed that the best way for Americans to keep the meaning of Independence Day alive was to memorialize it in a ritual similar to the Passover Seder. Every year the Jews repeat the story of their freedom from Egypt, which keeps their heritage fresh in their minds as part of their national identity, even 3200 years later. When I read the "Little House" books again recently, I was struck by Laura Ingalls' description of Independence Day celebrations on the frontier, where the settlers were proud to be Americans, creating their own destinies. Every year they'd publicly read the Declaration of Independence in the town square, and she mentioned how proud she was to hear those words, even though she'd memorized it already at school. Memorized the whole thing?? Nowadays you'd be lucky if the average student could tell you what year it was signed! Times have certainly changed, but I hope I can pass on to my kids an appreciation for this wonderful country, where we came from and what our legacy is.

Pampering

I haven't been able to reach my toes for over a month, so I finally decided it was time for a pedicure. It seems like an awful luxury to be spending money on right now, but I don't know what else to do when I can't see my feet! One thing I do exert myself to do is shave my legs, challenge though it may be. I know a lot of women choose to let that go during pregnancy, but that would make me feel even more uncomfortable and disgusting than I do already. I may feel like a bloated beached whale, but darn it, my legs are silky smooth! I have a gift certificate for a pregnancy massage that my sister and mother-in-law gave me for Christmas. I decided to wait until I was big and uncomfortable before using it, and it's fair to say that I'm there!

Big Sister

Eva has developed a fascination with babies. She'll come up to me several times a day to pat my tummy and say "baby!" Then she'll kiss it and say "Hi, 'manda!" She likes to carry her baby dolls around, wrap them in blankets or towels and pretend to change their diapers or feed them with a sippy cup. Occasionally she’ll still stuff one up her shirt and pat her belly as if she were pregnant. Sometimes I'll turn on "A Baby Story" or "Bringing Home Baby" on TLC, and she'll watch them and make exclamations about the newborns. I'm hoping all this means that she's pretty well prepared to handle what's coming. She seems to understand that there's a baby in Mommy's tummy, and her name is Amanda. She certainly knows what a baby is, and doesn't seem to mind when we hold one of our friend’s. We recently had a young couple over to dinner with their three-month-old son. Eva spent the evening on the floor with the baby, cooing in his face, showing him her toys, and offering him her sippy cup. I'm hoping she'll be as generous and loving to her baby sister.

Technical Difficulties

My PDA has been acting up lately. It's holding a full charge, but the power button hasn't been working. That means I sometimes can't turn it on when I need to add an appointment, check for a phone number, or type an update for my blog. I can bypass this problem by plugging it into the charger, which automatically turns it on, but of course that only works at home. The whole idea of a PDA is to be able to use it wherever. Still, replacing it would cost upwards of $250, which isn't an option right now. Then there's the TV, which has started occasionally shutting itself off for a few seconds at a time, right in the middle of whatever you're watching, sometimes several times in an hour. Maybe it has a short or something. Parts of the display numbers on our alarm clock radio are burning out. And of course, there's the issue of our washing machine, which Dave has been able to partially fix, but it's always a gamble of whether or not it will decide to work when you throw in a load. It seems that all the electronics in our home have decided to threaten a strike at the same time. Here's praying that the cars don't decide to join in next! :) At least the computer and internet is working fine. We've been able to sell a few items we don't need by posting them on Craig’s List, which is free. So far we've sold an extra VCR we never used and a few Epson ink cartridges. I've listed a couple dresses, too, but no nibbles on those yet. Still, the bit of extra cash we've generated so far has been helpful.

End-Of-Pregnancy Woes

I'm 36 weeks along now, officially in my 9th month. Any baby born after this point is considered full-term. Of course, Michelle says I'm "right on schedule", which means this little one will probably hang around comfortably until the last possible minute. She'll be enjoying the ride, but I'm pretty darn uncomfortable now, and don't expect to get any relief for the next month. The weather has really been heating up, making it hard for me to walk very far without getting hot and exhausted. My ankles start to swell if I sit in one spot too long (I've noticed this after an hour or so on the computer). My aching legs want to move around at night, making it difficult to get comfortable. Between that and frequent peeing, I've found it hard to sleep. My stretched-beyond-belief belly has gotten increasingly itchy, and I find myself with an aching lower back from constantly trying to reach forward because my belly is in the way (like while washing dishes over the sink). The other day I took a false step trying to get into the car, and felt a sharp pain from my tailbone in back to my pelvic bone in front. I was sore for days afterward. My chiropractor told me that my pelvic bones were out of whack from the relaxin hormone that loosens all the ligaments in preparation for birth, so I have to be careful. I've started getting sharp gas pains, too. The way all your insides get crowded up during the last trimester, the smallest air bubble in your gut can get stuck and cause a lot of pain.

7/2/07 - Birthdays

David turned 38 on Friday, and we celebrated by having friends and family over for a little BBQ. I made and decorated a cake for him. Not very professional looking, but I think it would make my Mom and aunt Gayle proud (she runs her own wedding cake business). It was nice to relax and have a good time after such a hard week. The next day we drove up to Orange County for a dinner and magic show in honor of nephew Allen’s 11^th birthday. I’m not sure Eva understood half of it, but she seemed to enjoy herself, especially seeing her aunt, uncles and cousins. She spent most of the time going from one person’s lap to another for little visits.

Putting Time to Good Use

Dave has posted his resume on a couple major websites and started to job search. However, he's decided to take this one week to relax and enjoy a well deserved vacation before really digging in to the job hunt. He's been working under so much stress for so long, I think it'll be good for him. Of course, Dave's idea of relaxing is tackling a big hands-on project, like installing new laminate countertops, replacing our dilapidated backyard fence, or scraping the popcorn off our master bedroom ceiling. Not my idea of a vacation, but Dave enjoys it, and he wants to get it done before the baby comes, in case we have to sell the house. If he finds a job out of state, we may have to move quickly. If we find one locally, it will be at least a few months of solid employment before we'll be able to qualify for a home loan to buy another place. So it all depends on where Dave's next job will be.

Interviewing Realtors

We interviewed a couple of realtors this weekend, both of whom agreed that Dave's planned improvements would be necessary in the current sluggish market. Even though we won't be listing our house for awhile, I was very glad we met with them. I was most impressed with the first lady. She has 25 years of experience in our area, and was able to provide information about the other homes on our street that have been sitting on the market for months. She also made us a comparative market analysis for similar homes in our neighborhood, and a break-down of our financial options for both buying and selling, based on our budget. She understood our concerns about the possibility of trying to sell a house while caring for a new baby, and made helpful suggestions such as putting unnecessary items in storage, requesting at least two-hours notice before a walk-through, and no visits during nap time. Whenever we do decide to sell, she'll be the person we'd call. The second lady was younger and far less experienced, with less helpful information to offer. That's OK, because I'm sure we didn’t impress her too much, either. Halfway through our talk on the back patio, Eva squatted and pooped on the concrete (she had taken her diaper off to wade in the pool). It was so gross! Of course, she's never done such a thing before, but it sure was awkward timing!