12/30/05 - Baby's First Christmas

We had a wonderful first Christmas with Eva, though somewhat exhausting. We spent Christmas Eve opening presents with Dave's family and didn't get home until late. True to form, her aunts and uncles showered her with big presents and adorable outfits. She got a Laugh and Learn Learning home, which is basically a one-panel playhouse with activities on both sides. She can only sit in front of it and grab whatever is within her reach right now, but she's already having a blast with it, as we hear her laugh "oh-ho!" every time she discovers something new. She also got a Baby Gymnastics Play Wall, which will be alot of fun when she learns to crawl because it's kind of an activity obstacle course. On Christmas morning, our friend's 20-month-old son Jonathan woke with diarrhea and vomiting, which was a real bummer. (They've been staying with us while waiting for her divorce to go through.) I ended up making an early morning run to the pharmacy for Pedialite and some other necessities.

We still managed to give them a special Christmas with stockings and presents, which they weren't expecting. Eva's morning went better. We got her some children's DVD's, board books about Jesus, some developmental toys from Discovery Toys, and little Roll-A-Rounds, which are clear plastic balls with different sights and sounds inside. Needless to say, she made out like a little bandit. So did her parents. David got me a new set of pots and pans, some CD's, DVD's, and chocolate. His favorite gift was a new iPaq Pocket PC, which will be very helpful to him at work. He'd already bought a 32-inch LCD Flat-Panel TV for our living room, "to give us more space," he said (*wink, wink*). We spent Christmas Dinner with my grandparents and Aunt, Uncle and cousins in Laguna Hills. Another late night. Poor Eva had trouble napping with all the excitement, though she was so tired. She just can't stand to miss anything.

Here We Go Again

The day after Christmas, Eva threw up all over the new carpet in the nursery and started having diarrhea. She also started tugging on her ears again, especially while nursing, suggesting a possible earache. Since then she's spit up at least once a day, has taken longer naps than usual, has had several poopy diapers a day, and developed a raw bottom despite the medicated Triple-Cream her pediatrician recommended. I gave her another oatmeal bath to try and sooth it. The doctor confirmed today that she has the stomach flu. She almost certainly caught it from poor Jonathan, who probably caught it from daycare. The weird thing is that she's not running a fever and isn't acting very sick. She's her usual cheerful, curious self, so long as I don't leave her alone. And she's been sleeping fine at night. Last night she slept 8 hours, from 8:30pm to 4:30am, before waking to nurse, and then went right back to sleep. I was even able to put her back in her crib. Apparently David didn't know that, because he woke me soon afterwards by patting me down in the dark, looking for the baby.

New Year Calling

Well, this is the last journal entry for 2005. What an amazing year! By far the best gift of the past year was our beautiful daughter. How we spend New Year's Eve will depend on how Eva's feeling. As I look to the year ahead, I see alot of possibilities. Eva will grow by leaps and bounds I'm sure, just like she's done in the few short months since she was born. At this time next year she'll be a year and a half, and maybe we'll be working on number two. I suspect Dave would like to find a job with another Assisted Living company that won't stall on his raises. As for me, I resolve to spend more time investing in Eva's development. She's old enough now that every experience is a learning one, and I want to foster that. I’ll probably let most of my chores wait for when she's asleep. I also want to grow my Discovery Toys business into something I can be proud of. I'm really passionate about the benefits of toys that teach as much as they entertain, and have donated a bunch to our church nursery. Hopefully other parents will enjoy them as much as I do.

12/21/05 - Eye Troubles

Ever since she was born, Eva has had periods where her eyes cross and stay that way for hours. Sometimes just one eye, sometimes both, and it was usually when she's tired or trying to see something close to her face. Her pediatrician said she should have outgrown that trait by now and referred her to a children's ophthalmologist down in La Jolla. It turns out she's farsighted, which is causing a condition called strabismus. They've given her a prescription for little baby glasses with rubber frames so it won't be dangerous if she pulls them off to chew on or play with them. They want to see her again in a month to see if the glasses are helping. If not, they say we're looking at therapy or possibly even surgery. They don't want to take the chance that poor vision might hinder her development. I'm really not looking forward to this, but it's better than the alternatives. I'm praying that glasses are all she'll need.

Little Explorer

Eva has started twisting, turning, and rolling every time we try to change her diaper, especially on the changing table. She's fascinated with the wipes warmer and anything else within her reach. A few days ago she got ahold of the nasal aspirator and started chewing on it before Dave caught her. I heard it all through the monitor downstairs and couldn't help laughing. She's frequently inspecting her little hands and feet, and loves to chew on her toes whenever she gets the chance. She's gotten too big for her swing and bouncy seat, so it's a good thing she's good at entertaining herself on the floor. The toys she'll get for her for first Christmas will be just in time. We just got her some new bath toys now that she's sitting up, and she's loving it. The only problem is she keeps leaning forward to grab them and submerges her face, not realizing you can't breathe under water. She loves it when we read to her, though she's more interested in eating the books than looking at them. Right now everything within reach makes it's way into her mouth, whether it's a toy, a blanket, or my hair.

Little Extravert

Eva's personality is really shining through now. She loves being around people, and hates being left alone or away from the action. It can make it difficult to nurse because she's easily distracted. The other day I was nursing her while playing Christmas music on the radio, and the instant the DJ's voice came on, she turned around to see where it was coming from. We left her with our friends Amber and Xavier the other day so we could go see the Narnia movie in the afternoon, and she was suprisingly unfazed until she wanted to nurse. They tried to give her strained pears just before we came back, they said, but that's not what she wanted, and she was getting testy about it. It's the first time we've been out without Eva since our anniversary in August, unless you count Sunday couple's group at church. Eva loves other children, probably because she loves being with her playmates from my mother's group. I was in a store the other day and this 3-year walked right up to Eva's stroller and said "Hi baby!". Eva immediately started reaching for her. Then this little girl accidentally coughed right in her face. I just about had a heart attack and tried to move Eva away, and of course the girl's mother was nowhere to be seen. I hope she doesn't get sick. She's just starting to feel better.

Crocodile Tears

I've recently noticed that Eva is beginning to learn how to cry to get what she wants. They say the first six months a baby's needs and wants are the same thing, they cry to get their needs met, and they're not yet capable of manipulation. Well, I'm thinking we're past that stage of innocence. The other night Dave was holding Eva as content as can be, and the minute she saw me come into the room she started a fussy little cry to get my attention. No tears, mind you, and she smiled the instant I looked her way. Then of course she started up again when I went into the kitchen. She's not stupid. She's also started fighting sleep, which is a rather new development. I guess she finally realized that she might be missing something when she's asleep. She'll fall asleep in my arms when people are talking or the TV's on, but if we try to put her down in her quiet nursery while she's still awake, she gets upset. Like mother, like daughter. I'm not a big believer in the "cry-it-out" methods, so I have a feeling this could be a long battle.

12/17/05 - Baby Blues

Last week was really hard for Eva. The antibiotics for her ear infection gave her diarrhea and an awful rash. It got so bad after a couple days that I took her back to the pediatrician. She said the ear infection had cleared up enough for her to stop taking the medicine. That night Eva's bottom was so raw she started crying when I tried to put cream on her, so I stripped her down to her birthday suit and set her on a blanket in front of the heater. She was fine until she peed on her tender skin, which really hurt and set her off again. I gave her an oatmeal bath, which helped to sooth her bottom and enable her to sleep. She actually KO'd on the changing table while I was putting on her pajamas, she was so exhausted. Thank goodness she’s starting to feel better. At least we were able to take her to visit Grandma Geri (Dave's Mom) while we sang Christmas Carols to the residents at Villa Del Rey with friends from church.

Sleepless In Vista

Eva hasn't been sleeping that well in her crib since she's been sick. She starts crying the minute her head touches the crib mattress, and she'll only calm down in my arms or in our bed. I think she prefers the memory foam pad we have on our mattress. At any rate, she can certainly tell the difference, and the only way I can get any sleep is to take her to bed with me. She's also wanted to nurse frequently during the night, which I'm sure is her body's natural way of to trying to keep hydrated. Poor Dave has spent alot of time sleeping on the couch when our queen-size bed starts to feel crowded.

Playing Dress-Up

Although it's chilly at night, it's been unseasonably warm during the day, making it even more difficult to find clothes for Eva. Everything in stores is heavy for winter. At 21 1/2 pounds, she's graduated to stage 5 diapers and 12 month clothing, which is mostly designed for the longer legs and slimmer bodies of babies who are learning to walk, not for a 6-month old. They tend to come in sets of tops and pants which are sold separately, making them more expensive. And the pants almost always have too tight a waistband and too long a pant leg for a baby that has only recently learned to roll and sit up. I prefer those one-piece jumpers they use for sleep and play and that give easy access for diaper changes, but they're hard to find larger than 18 pounds. Nevertheless, I finally managed to find five or six outfits on clearance after visiting every department store in the mall.

12/7/05 - Road Trip

We drove Eva up to Oregon to visit my parents for her first Thanksgiving, since we won't be seeing them at Christmas. We left San Diego at 1pm, figuring we'd get into Grants Pass around 1am, and that Eva would sleep the majority of the trip because most of it would be at night. It didn't work out that way. We didn't even get out of LA until 5pm because of traffic. Then we had to pull over several times because Eva threw up all over herself and her car seat. We had to change her clothes three times and line her seat with cloth diapers until it could be cleaned. Other than that, Eva was a real trooper, crying only when she was sick or trying to fall asleep. We ended up not arriving until 4:30am.

First Thanksgiving

We had a wonderful family gathering at my parents house with my 11-year old brother Caleb and 13-year old sister Barocha. My other little brother Tim (26) and his wife Ayrian and three kids joined us as well. Asaph is 5, Jirah is 3, and little Haddie is only three weeks younger than Eva, and about 6 pounds lighter. Eva loved playing with her cousins for the first time, and all the activity in the house. Grandpa sat her on his knee and fed her strained sweet potatoes for her first Thanksgiving. It was very cute.

We stayed through the weekend and planned to leave Monday morning, but just as we were heading out it started to snow. We checked online and found out interstate 5 had been closed through the pass, so we had to take the coastal route on highway 199, a full four hours out of our way. Even then, we had to wait f or snowplows to get us out of the woods. It took us 11 hours to get to Stockton, so we finally got a hotel for the night and made it home in 7 hours the next day. We took extra precautions with Eva, like stopping more often to let her stretch and giving her at least 10 minutes after nursing before driving again. She didn’t get sick once, thank goodness, and was as patient as could be. I was really relieved, but we won’t be doing that again. Next time we’ll fly.

Madness and Mayhem

Coming home hasn’t been as relaxing as we’d like. The house had to be turned inside out in preparation for new carpet. Everything had to be moved out to the garage or crammed into the kitchen. We haven’t been able to put it all back yet, much less decorate for Christmas. Needless to say, I’m doing all my shopping online this Christmas. The carpet is just in time, since Eva is rolling all over the place now. She has a magnetic attraction to appliance cords, I’ve discovered, as well as a renewed fascination with the cat and the phone. She loves to grab the receiver when I’m trying to talk on it.

Poor Eva picked this very inopportune time to get her first cold. She has trouble breathing, which makes nursing and sleeping difficult, and teething has only made it worse. I have to keep suctioning out her nose, which she really hates. Then I noticed her tugging on her ear, so I had the doctor check for an ear infection at her routine appointment. She had one sure enough, but but they decided to give her immunizations anyway, since she didn’t have a fever. The antibiotics she prescribed have given Eva a rash, on top of everything else. Actually, Eva is handling it all much better than I am. So long as someone is there to comfort her when she cries, she's content. She wants to be held constantly, but that’s reasonable considering what she’s going through.

David says if all our children would turn out this good-tempered, he'd have four of them. But we still joke that she's God's way of convincing us to having more, and the next won't be so easy. She's so comfortable. I'll sit down to rock her in the nursery, while she fights sleep by trying to play with my face or hair. Eventually she'll lay her head on my shoulder, relax her whole body, give a sigh of contentment and drift away while I gently hum "Mommy loves Eva". I love smelling her sweet breath, feeling her snuggle against me with perfect trust and contentment. I wish I could relax that easily.

11/22/05 - Little Explorer

Eva loves to lean backwards and see the world upside-down. She frequently twists in her seat or my arms so she can get a better look at whatever is behind her. She loves it when I grab her little legs and dangle her upside-down. It gets her giggling uncontrollably. Eva has finally taught herself to roll over 360 degrees, so she doesn't get stranded on her tummy anymore. Her play gym is too small an area for her now, so I've started laying a blanket on the floor with blocks, rattles and her favorite stuffed snoopy doll. She loves to chew on his fuzzy ears. Her new-found mobility enables her to roll all across the floor, and she often goes on until she bumps into a piece of furniture. Then she explores whatever she finds with her hands and mouth. She loves to scrape her fingernails against the fabric of the couch or rocking chair, figuring out what noises she can make. It makes my teeth itch.

Home Improvement

Our refinance went through, so we're tackling some long-overdue projects, like ordering new carpet. Not a moment too soon, because I don't want Eva rolling or crawling on moldy carpet. We replaced the old range oven with a self-cleaning Maytag. It's so nice not to have to worry about it overheating, or the paint coming off every time I clean it! We got my car windows tinted so the sun won't blind the baby through ineffective shades anymore. We also put a space heater with an automatic thermostat in Eva's room, to keep her warm at night without having to heat the whole house. And we finally got family portraits, just in time for the holidays! Eva looked adorable nestled in a pink flower blanket, just like an Anne Geddes baby.

New Memories

Having to go into the other room to take Eva from her crib at night hasn't been as much of a chore as I thought. I just get up when she cries about 2am, nurse her, burp her, change her, and put her back to sleep until morning. If she keeps waking up, I give her Tylenol or homeopathic teething drops to help her sleep. I don't give her Baby Motrin anymore because it seemed to really bother her tummy, making her wake every hour. If she wakes up too early in the morning, before we're ready to get up, I just nurse her back to sleep in our bed, and let her wake us both with her cooing an hour or so later. She lies there contentedly between us, studying our faces while she plays with her hands and gurgles softly. Once she knows she's got our attention, she'll start waving her arms, gently smacking us, or poking us with her thumb. It makes it impossible to go back to sleep, but what a wonderful way to wake up. I think Dave loves it because it gives him some bonding time with Eva before he leaves for work in the morning. She's such a happy little person, it can't help but make your day. I love it because I'm not a real morning person, and she gets me off on the right foot. Especially on days like today, when I discovered that my period had come back. Guess the vacation is over. I had hoped I could stall it a few more months, but introducing solid food means the baby doesn't nurse as much. So it's back to the feminine grindstone for me. Bummer.

11/12/05 - Tootsies and Chi-Chi's

Eva is now able to sit up "tripod style", supporting herself with her hands, which she thinks is the greatest. Every time I prop her up in this pose, she giggles like a madman. She's also found a new toy: her feet!  Eva loves to grab her tiny toes at every opportunity, like when I change her diaper. As a bonus, she's picked up an irritating new habit of blowing spit bubbles, which is a real riot when I'm feeding her baby food. Yesterday she sprayed green beans all over me. As fun as introducing new foods has been, there's a rotten trade off. Her diapers have gone from smelling like sweet nothings to genuine stink bombs.

The funny thing is, she started all of these skills not five seconds after I read about them in Dr. Sear's "The Baby Book." Right on cue. Teething has been rough on both of us. Her attempts to soothe sore gums are giving me sore nipples. Share the love, right? At first she kept trying to bite me, and I’d pop her off and yell “no!” into her surprised little face. This happened once at my friend Rachel’s house, and her three-year old son Kainoa walked up to Eva and scolded “no bite chi-chi’s!”, his baby name for breasts. It was hilarious. Eva’s never had a problem latching on properly, but I think she’s starting to do more chewing motions than sucking, and it hurts after awhile. She also has a habit of breaking away for a minute and then wanting back on, even in her sleep, which can be wearing.

If I Only Had A Brain...

Ditziness has reached an all new low. I was in the mall parking lot, taking the stroller out of the trunk of the car. It wasn't until I slammed down the lid that I realized the keys were in there. Fortunately the car wasn't locked, so I took Eva out of her car seat and called Dave to ask him to bring a spare key. He called his sister, who was heading in my direction anyway. She stopped by the house to get my spare key and met me in front of JC Penney. Aunt Nanci to the rescue! The next day I was telling my friend Jessica about it when she asked, "why didn't you just pop the trunk from the driver's side?" I was stunned: that had never occurred to me. She laughed hysterically into the phone, and Dave overheard our conversation and started howling. How could I be that dense? Baby took my brain. I'm more convinced than ever.

11/7/05 - Separation Anxiety

Since Eva still refuses to take a bottle of breastmilk, I’ve decided I'll just make sure she has a good feed before I go anywhere. I thought that I would be fine leaving her for awhile. Didn't I leave her with my Mom for an hour at 8 weeks old so we could go out on our anniversary? I often leave her downstairs with Dave while I go take a shower or something. Of course, I'm always close enough to be summoned if Eva gets too upset. But this week was the first time I left her at home with Dave at bedtime, when she's used to me putting her to sleep. I fed her and took off for a couple of hours of Discovery Toys training. I thought I would find it liberating.

When I got there, I checked my cell phone to see if Dave was trying to call me. No signal. That was it. I was a wreck the entire meeting. What if she was crying inconsolably this very moment, and Dave couldn't reach me? What if he was pacing the floors with her, unable to get her to sleep? My mind wouldn't shut off. I was now the neurotic, paranoid parent everyone swears they'll never become. The second it was over I called home. "How is she doing? Is she sleeping?" I asked Dave. "She was until the phone rang,” he said in irritation. Oops. I got home in time to see her slumbering peacefully in the crib, without me. I don't know whether to be relieved or disappointed.

Sunday rolled around, and I summoned the courage to leave her with the other munchkins in the childcare provided for the parent's meeting. When we went to pick her up, we were told that she had been one of the best babies there. It's all the same children she sees at my mommy's group, and she just loves to lie on the floor of the playroom and watch everybody run around. She likes to be at the center of the action. Occasionally my friend's son will come over and perform antics to make her laugh. After getting such a great response out of her at the pumpkin patch, he always looks forward to entertaining her.

Nightly Rounds

Eva turned five months old this week. It hardly seems possible. As much as I've dreaded it, I've finally started putting her in her crib at night. I really wanted to keep her next to our bed, but she's just getting too tall for her bassinet. Because I've never left her to cry it out, she's not afraid of being put down in a new place. First I set her down sleepy during the day, and stood beside the crib as she looked around and took it all in. Then I turned on an air purifier to provide some white noise. She fell asleep without hardly any fussing. Now I’m putting her there at night.

Although we had a month-long break, teething has begun again in earnest. Eva can no longer sleep through the night without Tylenol or baby Orajel. She wakes repeatedly, wanting to nurse for comfort. Last night was really difficult. When she woke for her 3am feeding, I took her out of her crib and her hands were like icicles. I dressed her in an extra layer and nursed her in bed until she fell asleep. But the minute I laid her back in that cold crib, she woke up. After three tries in an hour, I finally took her back to bed with me to stay. What matters to me is that we all get some sleep, regardless of where. It’s just that I would prefer more room to stretch out.

All these adjustments have taken a worse toll on me than they have on Eva. I had a nightmare the other night that Eva was missing after I handed her off to a childcare worker, and no one would help me find her. Then I woke to a strange sound on the monitor and raced into her room. Eva had pulled an afghan over her face and was gasping, something she had never done in her bassinet. I went right out the next day and bought her a wearable blanket called a sleep sack. It's not as warm, but it's safer.

New Flavors

I introduced Eva to strained green beans for the first time. At first she swirled them around in her mouth with the studied look of a gourmet connoisseur. But soon they seemed to grow on her. It's fun to watch her trying out new foods. I went out and bought her several different first foods to try, like peas, carrots, apples and sweet potatoes, but I'll space out introducing them at least a few days between each one. I had planned to wait longer before introducing fruit, but Eva was screaming in the car on the way home from the store the other night, so I opened the first jar of baby food I could grab and let her suck pureed bananas from my finger while Dave drove. I’m getting a book of baby food recipes so I can make my own at home.

10/29/05 - Growing Up

This has been a momentous week for Eva. We upgraded her car seat, moved her up to stage 4 diapers, and fed her solid food for the first time. I'm very sorry to see her outgrow her infant carrier so soon, because it means we can't just carry her in her car seat when she falls asleep. Now we'll have to try to get her out of the car without waking her up. We use a folded cloth diaper to help her sit up in the stroller, and balled up towels with a shopping cart cover to support her at the store, since she’s not able to sit up on her own yet. The new diaper size has been due for awhile, even though the stage 3 supposedly fits up to 26lbs. They're just not wide enough, and her diaper has been overflowing every time she poops. So it's time for an upgrade.

As for solids, I had originally planned on waiting another month, but she has been wanting to nurse so frequently the past couple days, I figured maybe adding some solids would make her less hungry. I expressed some breastmilk, mixed it with rice cereal, and fed it to her with a rubber-tipped spoon. She seemed to like it, and kept trying to grab the spoon and chew on it. It seemed too runny to me so I thickened it up a bit, and then she started spitting it out. I think the texture took her off guard. Last week I tried to have Dave give her expressed breastmilk in a bottle, just to see if we could leave her with a sitter. No can do. She would have none of it. I guess we'll have to wait a bit longer for that date night.

Playing Games

Eva loves to grab people’s faces, especially their mouths. She'll grab my lips and laugh hysterically when I nibble on her fingers. She also giggles at animals or people's expressions and antics. It's nice to know she's easily entertained. She has a habit of flapping her arms wildly about, as if she was trying to fly. Once she was holding her favorite plastic rings in her fist while waving her arms, and accidentally smacked herself in the face with them. Then she started crying and waving her arms even more, making it worse until I rescued her. I felt bad, but couldn't help laughing at her.

Sweet Dreams

What do babies dream about? How I'd love to get inside that tiny head and discover what elicits those little smiles and precious giggles. I was completely fascinated by her facial expressions while she slept as a newborn. Having no frame of reference for the outside world, I wondered, is she dreaming of being back in the womb and hearing mommy's tummy gurgling? Do her dreams now include images of Mommy and Daddy reaching for her? Does she smile at the memory of the dog that made her laugh today, or because she imagines that she's nursing in mommy's arms? My friend told me that her three-year-old son once woke up crying from a nightmare, and when she asked him what he dreamt, he said that he was playing with his favorite train by the ocean, and a wave washed it away. How I wish that was the worst my nightmares ever got. Must be nice to be a baby.

10/25/05 - The Next Generation

I was chatting with the ladies in my mother's group this week, and the subject of discipline came up. Since most of us have children under two, we're charting new territory. We talked about our own experiences growing up, how our parents handled discipline, what we thought worked, what we planned to do differently. Suddenly it occurred to me: in about 25 years, that will probably be Eva sitting with her own child in her lap, discussing how I raised her. I'm only one link in the chain, but if I can pass on the Godly heritage that my parents passed on to me, I will consider my best life goal completed.

Gains and Losses

We went with friends up to Bates Nut Farm this weekend and took adorable pictures of Eva in the pumpkin patch. We ran into our pastor and his family up there, and his 3-year-old grandson kept making faces at Eva, making her laugh hysterically. It was really cute. We had her all bundled up in a warm pink winter coat, hat and booties. She looked like a giant pink marshmallow. Most of her baby hair is gone on the back and sides of her head, rubbed off from laying down alot. But the hair on top has grown long and wavy, giving her a nice comb-over. Everyone tells me to gel it into a mohawk.

My hair, on the other hand, is coming out by the fistful. If I hadn't already read about this phenomenon in the pregnancy books, I'd blame it on the mold we found downstairs. A couple weeks ago I noticed a wet spot in the carpet next to Eva's play gym. I looked behind her toy chest and found a half-inch of fuzzy white mold growing out of the wall. The paint was buckled and the drywall was soft. Since our house is built on a hill, recent rainwater had pooled up and begun seeping through the wall. Dave had to go outside and dig a trench to allow run-off. We had to tear out the drywall and carpet padding, and we're going to have to replace the carpet. Oh, well. We were planning to refinance anyway.

Pumpkin Patch

Work At Home

The other mothers in my play group all do something on the side to help with the family finances. One cuts hair, one tutors children, and one sells Mary Kay. I’ve been looking at all my options for the past few months, and I finally decided to become a Discovery Toys consultant. They have fantastic products that I really believe in, and I can bring in a little extra income while staying at home with Eva. Better yet, I can earn money while getting together with other mothers and playing with toys! The representative I met with has been with Discovery Toys for 7 years, and has used the income to help send her children to Christian school, which I would absolutely love to do. I’m really looking forward to getting started and seeing how successful I can be at it.

10/19/05 - Little Extravert

Eva's personality is really beginning to shine through. Anybody who thinks children come into the world as blank slates probably doesn't have any. Babies are already born with their little personalities, and it's our job to get to know them. Eva has a very sunshiny disposition. She elicits smiles from strangers wherever we go, and is building herself quite a fan club. From the grocery store to restaurants, all she has to do is aim her dimply grin at one person and the baby-talk and flattery start rolling in. Lately people's comments have started shifting from "Look at all that hair!" to "Look at those cheeks!" One lady even asked Eva, "Are you storing nuts for winter?" So long as they don't try to pinch them, I'm O.K. I really don't want people's germy hands on my kid's face, especially during cold season. Eva draws the line at being picked up by strangers. They can coo at her all they want and she'll smile and squeal back, but watch out if they try to take her from mommy's arms! I have to stay within arm's reach and full view, or that lower lip puckers and the waterworks start.

Little Susie Homemaker

As much as I love staying at home with Eva, I’ve lost my initial momentum for keeping up with repetitious chores. I find myself losing motivation for the daily load of laundry or another sinkful of dishes. It’s discouraging that I'm never done because another load always sprouts up in its place, and the only tangible results I get are a full diaper pail and a pile of clean (though unfolded) clothes. Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t sit at home all day watching soaps and eating bonbons. I make myself keep up with the daily tasks out of pure necessity, but tend to put off the bigger jobs too long. Chores like vacuuming or cleaning the bathrooms tend to get neglected because they are difficult for me to do while keeping an eye on Eva, especially in a three story house.

Running at least one errand a day is my favorite goal because it gets me out of the house. Cooking and baking are more enjoyable than I expected, partly because they provide an outlet for creativity. Dave says he appreciates how well I keep the house up, which I find incredible, but encouraging. He says he’s been able to relax more at home since I’ve been there to take care of things during the day. Since I spend a lot of the day in the house, I've really got the decorating bug. Fall is my favorite season and the weather is finally cooling off, so I bought a pumpkin, harvest-themed kitchen towels and window stickers of fall leaves to brighten up the place.

Bag Lady

People wonder why I carry such a big diaper bag. They wouldn't if they could have been with me today. I was driving down to the beach for a walk when I heard grunting in the back seat. That's never good. I pulled into the parking lot and took her out of her car seat. There was poop overflowing from her diaper, all the way up her back and onto the car seat. It took all the baby wipes to clean her up, a cloth diaper to cover the spot on her car seat, and a new outfit. Fast-forward to later in the afternoon when I was running errands, and I heard that tell-tale rumble again. Thankfully I’d packed another outfit and refilled the wipes, but I had to rummage through the trunk for an extra garbage bag to throw her poop-stained clothes in. And since her car seat was wet again from me cleaning it with disinfectant wipes, I decided to try putting her in the stroller without it. I had to strap her in tight since she can’t sit up on her own, but it worked. Eva is on the verge of outgrowing her car seat anyway, which goes up to 20lbs and 27 inches. It's supposed to last the first six months, but she's grown so fast we're going to have to buy a new one soon. Since hers doubles as an infant carrier that can also be mounted on the front of shopping carts, I don't know how I'll run errands when she outgrows it. She's not able to sit up in the front of a cart yet. It's somewhat frustrating, because although she's exactly where she's supposed to be developmentally, she's the size of an older baby.

10/14/05 - A New Role

Motherhood is full of contradictions. I can feel drained after spending the whole day taking care of Eva, counting the minutes until she goes to sleep. Then when she finally does, I don't want to put her down. I just want to hold her, admire her, bury my face in her neck and drink in her delicious baby smell. In the evenings I can't wait until Dave comes home, when I can have some adult conversation and hand Eva off for some daddy-daughter time. It's frustrating when she gets tired and fussy and only wants mommy. But when her tears turn to smiles the minute she sees my face, I can't help but melt.

They remodeled the old Ben Bridge Jewelers store where I used to work, and it looks fantastic. I go there every once in awhile when I’m walking in the mall and visit with my old co-workers, and sometimes I miss working there, but I wouldn't trade staying at home for anything. I love that I know my baby better than anyone else, and no daycare worker can take that away from me. I've been there for every sniffle and smile, and it's a privilege watching her grow. My mom flew down from Oregon for a surprise visit, and loved getting to visit with her new grandaughter.

Grins and Giggles

At four months, Eva is paying much more attention to people and activities around her now, which means she laughs and cries alot more often. She loves playing games with us, like copying each other's noises or tilting her upside-down. Nibbling on her face or pretending to eat her hands are sure to get her giggling. So does tickling her cheeks with her foot or making funny faces and noises. She has started smiling at me whenever she sees me, and she'll wave her arms excitedly to ask me to pick her up.

Since she's learned to roll over, she's spending more time on her tummy. The problem is that she doesn't like tummy time, and doesn't know how to roll onto her back yet, so she ends up frustrated and crying until I roll her back onto her back. It's totally backwards, because most babies learn to roll from tummy to back at three months, and don't learn rolling from back to tummy until five months. Apparently going from back to tummy takes more neck strength and is harder to do. Leave it to my daughter to learn the more difficult skill first, and get stranded by not knowing the easier skill. She's just full of surprises.

Pokes and Prods

We had another round of immunizations last week, which I was dreading for days. A friend showed me that massaging her thighs immediately before and after the shots increases blood flow the muscles, helps the medicine absorb quickly, and reduces discomfort. It seemed to help. Our pediatrician is very sweet, and loves Eva because she's always full of smiles and lets her hold her. She told me she'd been looking forward to seeing Evangelina all week. She had Eva's baby announcement in her hand when she came in, cooing about how cute it was and how excited she was to get it in the mail. She's a young doctor, only two years out of her internship, and you can tell she chose her specialty because she loves kids. I like the fact that she's young because she's up on the latest research and isn't necessarily stuck in her ways like some older practitioners are.

Eva weighed in at 18lbs 8oz and 25 ½ inches long, so she’s a growing girl. Dr. Ng couldn’t believe she was only nursing, and asked me if I was supplementing already. LOL! I've decided to wait awhile before introducing solids. Eva’s wearing 9-12 month clothes already. I have to check the small print for poundage on clothing labels, and ignore what month it says. Right now she fits into anything that says 18 to 24 lbs. She’ll hopefully stay that size through the winter. Now that she can roll and move around more, she probably won’t be gaining weight as rapidly.

10/02/05 - Rolling Over

Eva rolled over! She did it twice yesterday, but I missed it both times. I had set her down on her back on the play mat, stepped into the kitchen, and when I came back she was on her tummy. Up to this point she hadn't been very motivated since she didn't like being on her tummy. She would roll onto her side and stop, but after I nudged her a few times to roll all the way, she got the idea. Now we're going to have to finish childproofing. There's no telling what she can get in to now that she's mobile. At my mother’s group, we took a picture of Eva and little baby Jackson (only 3 days older than her) in their Padres baseball outfits. It was really cute.

Penny Pinching

We're starting to feel the effects of losing my income, which has made me more interested in at-home business opportunities. The problem is that if they're legitimate, they tend to have hefty start-up costs or promote more high-pressure selling than I'm comfortable with. I've joined a mystery shopper group, but they haven't had any local shops available lately, and only compensate an average of $5-$10 per shop. I’ve considered doing Discovery Toys, but I'm not keen on hosting lots of parties for strangers or paying $100 to start.

The Ben Bridge store where I used to work has been completely remodeled and is short-staffed for the holidays, but I would never consider going back to work. Babies need their mommies at home with them. I heard a woman on the radio who talked about working in a daycare center for infants when she was in college. She said there were three babies per person, some as young as six weeks old, and they could hardly keep up with feeding and changing them all, and couldn’t hold them half as much as they needed to. It just seems unnatural. I’d rather pinch my pennies. I found a great program called Mvelopes on the Crown Financial Ministries website, which helps me track our budget better.

9/28/05 - Baby Talk

There's a stream of ridiculous and incoherent babble flowing from the Bjorklund house these days. Ironically, most of it isn't from the baby, it's from the parents! "Eva-Gooba!" Dave calls out as he comes in the door, using his newly invented pet name for her. Then comes the narration. "Daddy, I want to play! Why won't you play with me?" he says in the singsong tone of a ventriloquist. Eva coos along, approving his interpretation of her squeals and gurgles. Mommy's babbles are no more sophisticated. "Hi, beautiful!" I coo into her face, trying to keep her occupied while changing her diaper. "Are you the prettiest girl in the world? Yes you are!" Then there is the ever-growing list of pet names, including "sweet pea", "squirmy", "smiley", "drool-monster", "tubb-tubb", and "precious". One would think we were adding characters to the seven dwarves. Eva doesn't seem to mind the inanity, and though she may be thoroughly confused as to her real name, she seems to find it entertaining.

Falling Into Routine

The air is crisp and cool now, even though September is usually the hottest month of the year here. It still gets hot during midday, but mornings and evenings are wonderfully cool. We had a crazy thunderstorm the other night with lots of lightning, and the first rain of the season. I love the way it makes everything smell. I bought my favorite pumpkin spice muffin mix to make for the next mother's group. Eva is getting back into a routine, though it fluctuates based on whether her teeth are bothering her. She takes several short naps throughout the day, usually around 9am, noon, 3, and 6pm. I give her a bath around 7, and hope to get her to sleep by 9pm. I try to keep Eva's routine predictable, but I'm still pretty flexible. Sometimes she needs more sleep, sometimes less, and I don't see the need to put her down when she's not tired just because it's 3 o'clock. So long as she sleeps mostly through the night and has enough rest, I'm OK. She was up late a couple nights ago because we took her to her first Padres game at Petco Park. The cheering and noise scared her at first, but she calmed down and seemed to enjoy watching all the lights and people. She was tired and fussy the next day, so I think we’re past the take-her-anywhere-she’ll-be-asleep-anyway phase.

Downsizing

I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight of 135 in less than 4 months. Hurray! I can't congratulate myself because I still eat like I'm pregnant. I attribute it largely to the fact that I'm breastfeeding (which I'm told burns up to 400 calories a day), walking three days a week with my friends, and constantly climbing the stairs in our house while carrying my squirmy little medicine ball. A friend of mine pointed out that some of my weight is in my chest because I'm nursing, so I theoretically would weigh less than before, if I took that into account. What are friends for but to say all the right things? I try to remember that I'm still only 28 and my metabolism hasn't really slowed yet, and when I stop nursing I won't be able to get away with eating chocolate chip cookies every day. I've also gone down to size 12 jeans, which is a size larger than before. Since I assume my hips will never go back where they were, I'm satisfied with where I'm at. I'm beginning to lose alot from the top too - of hair, that is. Apparently I've reached the point where the final pregnancy hormones fade, and so does any improvements your hair made. It's coming out in clumps whenever I wash or brush it. Luckily I have pretty thick hair to begin with, so it doesn't make a noticeable difference. It does amaze me how much I'm losing, though.

9/21/05 - A Whole New World

Eva is becoming much more aware of the world around her, and lights, vibrant colors, and mirrors are the big winners right now. She's also discovered the television, and loves to stare at it no matter what we're watching. The other day she sat on Dave's lap and watched part of a Chargers game with him, totally transfixed. I'll have to be careful about that. Everything is so interesting that it can make it difficult for her to nurse at times. Especially if we're not home, she keeps pulling away every few seconds to see what's going on around her, and sometimes tries to take my nipple with her. Ouch!

This new awareness has also led to a definite mommy preference and anxiety in some situations. She still lets friends hold her, but I have to stay in her line of sight, or she gets nervous, and eventually starts crying for me. The other day I was changing her diaper in a public restroom when someone in the next stall flushed the toilet, and she freaked out. She was genuinely terrified with tears streaming down her cheeks, and wouldn't calm down until I got her out of there. I've never heard her scream like that before. Looks like we've reached a new phase. Sometimes in the evenings, when she's tired and her gums are bothering her, she gets fussy even with Dave. No one but mommy will suffice. This is a little wearing on me, but I know it won't be forever. A large part of it is her teething. She chews on anything within reach, drools like a madwoman, wants to be held constantly, and wakes up repeatedly during the night.

Spit Happens

With all the chewing on her hands and swallowing air, Eva has started spitting up again. A few days ago we were getting ready to run errands, and I set her down on my bed while I put my shoes on. When I went to pick her up, I found that she had spit up all down her face, in her ear, and all over the bed. It had soaked her hair and gone down through the comforter, blankets and sheets to the mattress. I had to give her a bath and wash the bedding right then and there. So much for making plans. A few weeks ago she spit all over both of us while I was burping her in the nursing mother’s room at the mall. She got it all over herself, my shirt, and my pants. I had an extra outfit for her and a spare shirt for me in the diaper bag, but not pants. I had to drive all the way home smelling like sour milk. Yuck!

A New Age

I could fake being an overgrown teenager when I was doing youth group, but no more. Becoming a mother has made me acutely aware that I'm not a kid anymore, although I'm sure the after-effects of childbirth are partly responsible. I'm starting to discover in myself the common complaints of middle-age women, like stretch marks, sagging breasts, and bladder weakness. I've noticed fine lines around my eyes which herald the beginning of crows-feet. My 10-year high school reunion is next month, which isn't that long in the scheme of things, but it does make me more aware of time. I don't feel old, but I definitely know I'm not a teenager anymore. Lack of sleep and chilly fall nights have led to my catching a cold this week, but luckily Eva hasn't caught it. She has the strong immune system of a breastfed baby. I'm also dealing with a sore little toe, which I jammed in the doorway the other day and I'm pretty sure is broken. I’ve never seen that many shades of purple in one place. Too bad there's nothing I can do but immobilize it with tape and hobble up our stairs carrying a 17-pound baby.

9/14/05 - New Firsts

This weekend we took Eva to a beach party hosted by our friends Xavier and Amber. Although I take Eva walking along the boardwalk several times a week with the girls, this was her first real beach trip. Dave carried her to the water's edge where she could watch the rushing waves. I couldn’t believe I forgot the video camera, but at least I got some stills. We're not supposed to put sunblock on her until she's 6 months old (plus she's putting her hands in her mouth), so we did the best we could. Although I kept her bundled up and in the shade, the sun's reflection off the sand gave her face a slightly pink sunburn. We managed to go through the entire summer without doing that, until now! It didn't seem to bother her, but I felt terrible about it. The next day, Eva tried to sing along during worship at church for the first time. It was the most adorable thing I've ever seen! There she was, watching people around her worship with raised hands in wide-eyed wonder, cooing along and bouncing on my lap to the music. I was so blessed to watch her respond so quickly to the atmosphere of worship around her. Faith like a child, indeed.

Catching ZZZ's

The nights are getting colder, and we've started dressing Eva in footed sleepers at night. It's a fun change since we've had her in onsies all summer, and it was so warm she never got to wear some of her cute newborn sleepers. I'm glad she'll have protection for her knees while learning to crawl this winter. I already got her an adorable outfit that says "Baby's first Christmas." She'll be 7 months old then, though I can hardly believe it. I am so looking forward to it!

As a newborn, Eva used to sleep in our bed with a sleep positioner that kept her on her back, and kept us from bumping her. It made it much easier to nurse her, especially when I was recovering. When she started fussing, all I had to do was pull her close to me, feed her, and we'd both go back to sleep. As she got bigger, it got more difficult for all three of us to fit comfortably into a queen size bed, so we started using the bassinet next to our bed. Now she's starting to outgrow the bassinet, so we'll probably have to start using her crib in the next room soon. I'm not looking forward to it because I know going back and forth at night will make it harder for me to go back to sleep, and she’s been waking up a lot lately from teething discomfort.