5/23/07 - May Gray

It's cooled down now to the typically overcast weather of spring. I found it a little disappointing because I had finally splurged on a fancy pedicure in preparation for the Alzheimer's Association Fundraiser Gala, and now it's too cold to wear sandals. We had a wonderful time at the Gala, though I certainly paid for it afterwards. I made the mistake of deciding to wear my fancy heels from last year instead of shelling out more cash for a nice pair of flats I'd never wear again. Within 15 minutes, my feet we killing me, followed by my hips, then my lower back. I finally got relief by visiting the chiropractor two days later. I'll never do that again! I was pretty pleased with the formal maternity dress I found, though it must have made me look pretty big. While I was waiting in line in the restroom, the lady next to me said “you look just about ready to pop!” When I told her I still had a couple more months, she looked surprised and asked, “are you having twins?” No, but thanks for asking. Geez. Way to make a preggo’s day!

New Eyes

At our ophthalmology appointment last week, the doctor decided that Eva needed bifocals. At a distance, her eyesight is fine, but up close, her eyes are still crossing as she tries to focus. Unfortunately, they can't make invisible bifocals at this stage, so she's going to have a line in the middle of her lenses. And we have to pay extra to make them Transitions again, too. It's better to have glasses that turn to sunglasses outside than it is to buy a second pair of prescription sunglasses that she might lose. At any rate, I'm just glad she doesn't need surgery. She's doing so well and learning so much every day. Lately her favorite game has been a simple version of "hide-and-seek". She's at the stage where she thinks if she can't see you, you can't see her either. So she'll hide her face, wait for you to ask "where'd Eva go?", and then pop her head up to enjoy your surprise as you exclaim "there she is!" Sometimes she'll ask the question herself to get the ball rolling, letting out a muffled "where go?" as she shrugs her shoulders with her hands up, her face still buried in its hiding spot. We bought annual passes to the Wild Animal Park, and our first visit was a big hit. Eva loves seeing all the animals up close, and tries to imitate their noises.

Nap Time Capers

It didn't take long after the switch to a toddler bed that Eva discovered she could climb out whenever she wants. We put a safety gate in her doorway to keep her from wandering the house (especially near the stairs), but her bedroom is fair game. The other day I heard her talking to herself soon after I put her down for her nap. I went upstairs to check, only to find her sitting in the rocking chair looking at books. Turned out she had a dirty diaper and was waiting for me to change it, so I did and put her back in bed. A few minutes later I heard her lullaby music blaring loudly, and found her playing with the CD player. She ran towards the bed the minute she saw me. I wanted to be stern, but it was hard because I couldn't help laughing. I picked her up and told her it was time for bed, and this time put her in the crib. That surprised her. Her lower lip stuck out and her eyes welled up, and she started to cry. I asked her if she wanted the toddler bed, and she said "bed"! So I explained that she had to stay in bed, and if she climbed out again I'd put her in the crib. I wasn't sure how much she understood, but the next time I checked she was lying quietly in her bed.

Women's Retreat

I just got back from a weekend retreat in Idyllwild with a bunch of ladies from our church. It's the longest amount of time I've ever been away from Eva, and it was strange to be without my little shadow or having to worry about meals and nap time. It was nice to have some normal conversation with other adults and a little time to myself. David watched Eva by himself all weekend, with a little help from friends so he could go surfing. When I got home Eva yelled "Mama!" and gave me a big hug. But when I carried her outside to unload the car, she immediately asked "where Dada?" I hadn't been home more than two minutes, and she was already looking for Daddy again! Later Dave ran down to the store to get oil for the car, and it took me nearly five minutes to calm Eva down after he left. She was simply inconsolable. She'd had her beloved Daddy to herself all weekend, and didn't want to give him up. That night I put her to bed to give Dave a break, and she threw a fit again. It's not that she doesn't love me. It's just that she spends so much time with me, she wants to make the most of every opportunity to be with Daddy.

Birth Preparation

I'm now at 30 weeks, the baby is head-down, and my midwife has given me a list of birth supplies I need to order in preparation for a home birth. Just looking over the materials amazes me to think that we're nearing the home stretch. Apart from the weeks of violent nausea that seemed like they would never end, this pregnancy has pretty much flown by in a blurr. I haven't really paid attention to all the little details like I did last time. I don't even remember how much weight I've gained so far. All I know is that I can't fit into any of my old maternity pants, and I'm pretty sure it's because my hips are wider now. If there's another reason, I don't want to know. My midwife also recently discovered that I'm anemic and my thyroid is low. No wonder I've had no energy! I thought it was just the combination of chasing after a toddler while enormously pregnant, but I guess I should have suspected something when I started craving steak. She's given me several recommendations to try before she tests my blood again in a few weeks. At her request, I made a list of people who would be at the birth and what their roles would be. Dave wants to catch the baby, and Mom will be comfort and support. I put my Dad in charge of taking care of Eva, and my sister (15) and brother (13) are in charge of pictures and video. It's still a question mark about who will be in the room during the actual birth, depending on how smoothly everything goes. But either way, they know to focus cameras on faces and not on anything graphic. Nobody likes to see that stuff anyway, and I'm not ready to be the next "Baby Story" star. I have questioned whether or not Eva should be there for the birth, but my midwife says that in her experience, toddlers take their cues from the people around them. If everyone seems calm, cheerful, and unafraid, most likely she will be too. She also says it's easier for toddlers to understand what's happening when they witness the birth, rather than if they're suddenly introduced to a warm bundle that came out of nowhere.

Newborn Care

I've been trying to put together a mental list of all the things we're going to need for a newborn. It's only been two years since Eva came, but already I find myself trying to remember how we did things with her. A lot of our baby stuff is in storage, but some things, like extra gentle wipes and disposable nursing pads, still need to be bought. As I look at how far we've come, I realize I've gotten kind of spoiled now with a semi-independent toddler who can feed herself, entertain herself, sleep through the night, and tell me what she wants. It's going to be hard to go back to the beginning and start over again. Weeks of postpartum recovery, leaky breasts, waking every couple hours to feed, burping, spit-up, diapers that overflow when she starts to outgrow them, changing my shirt or the baby's clothes several times a day, tons of laundry, etc. Of course, the trade off is that they sleep all the time, you can take them anywhere, and you don't have to entertain them or worry about them wandering off and getting into things. And who can forget how darn cute and snuggly they are? In the end, they're worth every inconvenience.

5/10/07 - Warming Up

Spring is here, and with it the challenge of trying to dress appropriately for the daily switch between morning chill and afternoon heat. Lately the highs have been in the 70's, which should be very comfortable, but in my pregnant state, I still overheat pretty quickly. We had a brief heat wave up into the 90's this week, making us switch to shorts and tank tops. I found some adorable summer clothes for Eva just in time, since everything that fits her is for winter. I'm trying to appreciate whatever few cool days that may be granted between now and summer. I don't even want to imagine what it's going to be like to be nine months pregnant in 100-degree heat.

Celebrating Spring

With the warmer weather comes all sorts of local activities that offer family fun. We went to the Carlsbad Village Faire last weekend, which was fun. We left right after Eva's nap and only stayed a couple hours, so she was well rested and the sun wasn't so hot. It was pretty much all the same vendors you see at the Del Mar Fair, except this was closer and had free admission. Plus, it's earlier in the year, which makes it cooler. I don't want to deal with navigating the crowds with a huge pregnant belly and a stroller in the sweltering July heat this year, so this was a good alternative. As it is, I notice that when I walk long distances I start to get powerful Braxton Hicks, which often force me to stop in my tracks and breathe until they pass. I plan on getting passes to the Wild Animal Park this year, so we can take Eva to see the animals in short trips instead of all day. Since she's under three years old, we won't have to pay for her anyway. I think she'll enjoy it, and it will be another fun thing to do as a family. Dave and I decided to go to the Alzheimer's Association Fundraiser Gala again this year, since his company is paying $5000 for a table. I’m really looking forward to it. It took me awhile to track down a formal maternity gown, but I finally found one at David's Bridal. I guess they're used to accommodating pregnant bridesmaids. Everywhere else either carries formal or maternity, but not both, so it can be tough to find.

Branching Out

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We decided to go ahead and get Eva a toddler bed, so she can try it if she likes, or stay in the crib if she wants. To my surprise, she really seems to like it. Already she’s taken a couple naps in it, and has spent the night in it once. I guess since we’re not getting rid of her crib or forcing it on her, it’s not a big deal. We’re going to leave her crib up because we’d have to bring it back in a few months anyway, and I think it’s better if she gets used to not sleeping in it even though it’s still there, so it won’t be a big deal when the baby starts using it. I’m afraid if we took it away and then suddenly brought it back, she’d want to use it again. Another new experience this week was the carousel at the mall. She’s never ridden on a merry-go-round before, but the minute she spotted kids riding on the horses, she wanted to ride one too. So Daddy took her for a ride. She was apprehensive at first, but soon was loving it. It seems she is ready to branch out and try new things. Eva is really enjoying her “Adventurers” class at the local WeeStart Gym. It’s a lot of pretend play and simple activities that encourage her to follow the leader, join the group, and test her abilities. Once they played “circus” and she got to swing on a little trapeze (with help from one of the staff, of course). Another time they played “car wash” and she rode on a little car through pom-poms and bubbles. When there are no classes going on, they have “open gym”, when members are free to bring their kids in just to play. She loves all the games and activities, is losing her shyness and is really starting to blossom. I love it because she gets all the social interaction and stimulation she needs, but we get to do it together, instead of me having to leave her there.

Jealousy

I've been pretty impatient and crabby these past few weeks, especially with Dave. I'd take advantage of any opportunity to leave Eva alone with him while I went on the computer or talked on the phone. I'd get really upset if he got home too late at night or was gone too long surfing or cycling on the weekends. At first I thought it was just pregnancy hormones, but I've finally realized that it was probably jealousy. I've gotten somewhat burnt out with constantly taking care of a toddler, and while Dave gets a break from work on the weekends, it feels like I'm always on duty, and have no other life. Dave takes over with Eva whenever he can, but I guess I was jealous that he could take off surfing or cycling whenever he wanted, while I don't have any real hobbies to escape with. And since most of my young mommy friends moved away and our playgroup dissolved, it's been pretty lonely and isolated at home. I feel the need to get out and make new friends, but it's not easy when most moms I know work. And with another baby coming soon, I won't be getting out much. It was good to finally get to the bottom of the issue. While I don't really have a solution yet, I certainly don't want to take it out on Dave. It's not his fault that I'm needing more adult interaction, and his job is hard enough that he needs his hobbies as a stress outlet, and the exercise is good for him. We've renewed our commitment to having regular date nights, and have started trading babysitting with friends whenever we can. It's nice to get out of the house, just to two of us.

5/3/07 - Baby On Board

I look in the mirror and find it hard to believe how big I am already. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, since my belly has been measuring two weeks ahead of schedule since day one, and I was enormous towards the end of my pregnancy with Eva. But I guess I didn't expect to get this big so early. People who see me can't believe I still have another three months to go. Already I'm getting new stretch marks over my old ones from last time. They don't itch very badly yet, but I know that's coming, especially when the weather gets hot. I have a little trouble taking a deep breath when I sit down, but that's nothing compared to the bad heartburn I get. I know it will only get worse as the baby takes up more room and everything gets crowded in there. While I've been through most of this before, some things do take me by surprise, like my exhaustion. I don't remember running out of steam so quickly last time. But then again, I never had a toddler to run after before.

New Adventures

The past several weeks Eva has had some occasional sleep problems or cranky fits, so I figured she might be cutting some new teeth. Sure enough, I noticed a couple eye-teeth peeking through her upper jaw this week. It's true, though, that toddler teething is nothing compared to when they're little. There's so much other stuff going on, they hardly notice. Eva is so adept at going up and down the stairs now, I often leave the safety gates open so she can follow me around the house. I have to keep a close eye on her, though, because little explorers can get into trouble quickly. Once I couldn't find her, only to discover she had gone down two flights of stairs all by herself to get her sippy cup from the living room. Another time she filled the toilet with toilet paper, then came running into my room with a soggy toilet brush she had been using to stir it. She seems to be needing new challenges. Most of her current toys and activities are getting too easy for her. So I got her a Mr. Potato Head and some Play dough, and she's really enjoying having something new to learn. She's experimenting with where all of Mr. Potato Head's features go, and is learning to roll play dough into a ball, mash it flat and use a cookie cutter. I decided to sign her up at the local WeeStart Gym for an Adventurers class (22 to 30 months old). Every week it's a different theme (jungle, farm) and different set of activities.

Food Allergies

A couple months ago, my mother had herself and everyone else in the family tested for food sensitivities. The big ones that all of them tested positive for were gluten (a protein found in wheat, rye, barley, and oats), casein (a protein found in milk), and eggs. My brother Caleb also came up as allergic to peanuts, my mother to almonds and garlic (two of her favorite foods). Concerned that I might also have inherited these allergies, I got myself tested three weeks ago, and finally got my results back. I've long expected that I was allergic to milk, since dairy products tend to make my nose stuffy, and give me post-nasal drip. So I wasn't surprised to see that come up as positive. I've been using soy milk, soy yogurt, and soy pudding for quite awhile. Now I find out I have a sensitivity to casein, too. That's harder to eliminate, since it's found even in non-dairy alternatives like margarine, soy cheese, or non-dairy creamer. I'll have to avoid anything that includes traces of milk in the ingredients, like baked items, cereals, chips, chocolate, sauces, and soups. Guess I better get good at reading labels. Cheese, milk chocolate and cream sauces are going to be the toughest for me to give up. I love alfredo sauce or cooking with cream-of-mushroom soup. My results also tested positive for peanuts and blueberries (go figure), so I'll have to give those up as well. That's not a big sacrifice for me, except for peanut M&M's. Oh, well. I'm having Eva tested as well, because I don't want to guess or eliminate things from her diet if I don't have to.

Doctor Dilemmas

One of the ladies at church has a daughter who is expecting any day now, and her situation right now is very similar to what mine was last time. She wants a natural birth and her doctor agreed, but then he stripped her membranes during a routine exam at 38 weeks, without warning or permission (exactly what happened to me). What makes doctors assume they have the right to make medical decisions for you without even discussing it with you first? How hard is it to say, "You're measuring larger than average, and we'd like to sweep your membranes to help move things along. Is that OK?" This poor girl didn't know what hit her, suddenly sitting up in a pool of blood that scared her out of her wits. Now her doctor is pressuring her to have a C-section because they think she might have a 10-pound baby. So what? First of all, this girl is tall and big boned, and should be able to at least give her body a chance first, before something as drastic as major surgery. Secondly, weight estimates in the ninth month can be off as much as 2 pounds, which means her baby could actually only be around 8lbs. I'm short and petite, and delivered an 8lb baby with no problems. The only difference between her situation and mine, however, is that this girl hasn't taken any classes, hasn't read any birth books, or in any way educated herself on her options (despite her mother's urging), so she doesn't know what to do. She's afraid of getting in a fight with her doctor, and so is choosing to keep quiet, hoping everything will "work itself out". It makes me all the more grateful that I took the time to surround myself with the people and resources I needed during my last pregnancy so that I could have the birth that I wanted, even though I had to fight for it at times.

Silly Doctors...Birth Is For Home!

I'm even more grateful to know that this time around, I won't have to worry about my wishes being overridden because of unnecessary interventions, arbitrary time limits, or hospital policies designed to prevent lawsuits. I'll be on my own turf, comfortably at home, free to eat, drink, and move around. I'll have trained midwives who believe that birth is a natural process, not an impending medical emergency, and a woman's body is perfectly designed to deliver her baby without unnecessary interference. No need to get up and take a car ride in the middle of labor. No monitors, no IV's, no stirrups, no being stuck in uncomfortable positions or trapped in bed, no glaring lights or masks or smelly antiseptics. Just me in a warm tub of water, doing whatever my body tells me to do. Just Dave, my family, and a couple skilled midwives by my side, all of whom support me, believe in me, and won't try to force anything on me I don't want or need. A few years ago (before I did my homework), a home birth sounded like a radical, risky idea that only hippies would try. But now I know it's the most natural thing in the world, and statistically safer than hospital births. Hospitals are for curing the sick, and birth is not a disease. It will be hard work, of course, but I'm not afraid. Actually, I get relaxed just thinking about it.