6/29/07 - Moving On

Well, it's official. Dave got the call from his supervisor yesterday, the day before his birthday. "I think it's time we ended our relationship" he said. What?? Doesn't this guy know the difference between breaking up and firing someone? What a weirdo! Dave said he really wanted to sarcastically answer, "does that mean I should give the ring back?", but he refrained. They deposited his last check and were going to mail him his personal items, but Dave told them just to leave them in his Mom's room, and he'd pick them up when he visited her. "Oh, sure, feel free to come by and visit your Mom any time" the guy said. Gee, thanks for your permission. As if they had any right to keep Dave away even if they wanted to. Do I sound a little bitter? Maybe I am. It irks me how a new guy with less than a month in the company can come in and just sweep away some of their best employees in a misguided attempt to "start fresh", and corporate looks the other way. His old supervisors, who know and respect him, have no jurisdiction over Dave anymore, and can't do anything about it. It's a twisted state of affairs. Even more ironic, we keep getting calls at home from some lawyer who wants to talk to Dave about someone he fired a couple months ago because she went AWOL for over a week without so much as calling in sick. She's suing for wrongful termination (what a joke!), and they had the gall to give her lawyer our home number so he can be harassed at home for the sake of a company that considers him disposable fodder in the face of a merger. You don't see Dave whining to a lawyer, though. He's taking it like a man and doing what he needs to provide for his family.

Jehovah Jirah, "My Provider"

The response we've gotten from friends and family during this trial has been overwhelming. The day Dave was suspended, Xavier and Amber invited us over and made a special dinner with tri-tip and crab legs. She even baked a chocolate cake with the words "C'est La Vie!" LOL! The next day, after his company confirmed that they were letting him go, we went to a church baby shower, and everyone took a few minutes to gather around and pray for us. They decided to hold our baby shower off until after the baby is born, and then just give diapers, gift cards and essentials since we already have plenty of girl clothes and baby gear we saved from Eva. They also offered to deliver some meals while I'm recovering. We've had friends leave sweet messages on our machine, with everything from encouraging words of support to tirades and curses on Dave's hard-hearted company. We've been offered money and rent-free housing in my parents' largest apartment. It really is amazing to see how much love and support we have, though hopefully we won't need to take advantage of any of the offers.

I'm really grateful now that we weren't able to take our planned vacation last month. I didn't understand at the time, but now I do. God knew we would need that cashed-out vacation time to live on. A whole months worth! It truly has been a blessing. We still have an expense reimbursement check coming, too. That should carry us for awhile, if we watch our budget and stick to the essentials. I'm not really worried, because in all my years of trusting God to provide, and all the tight spots we've been through, God has always been faithful. We may not be able to get all the frivolous things we want, but we've never gone cold or hungry while trusting in Him. I'm even more grateful now that we chose a home birth, because it's all been paid for in advance. So we don't have to worry about a huge hospital bill with no insurance. We're going to apply for COBRA coverage, so hopefully that will cover the new baby's first check-ups. Dave also qualifies for unemployment now, and I can apply for WIC if I need to. We'll see. I've never believed in taking any kind of assistance unless absolutely necessary. I've known people who take advantage of free services just because they met the qualifications, but then go out and buy a playstation. To me that's just wrong, because hard-working people have taxes taken out of their paychecks to cover those costs. However, we did pay into the system, we're not asking for handouts, and if necessary, we'll use just what we need until we're back on our feet. That's the way it's supposed to work.

6/27/07 - New Challenges

Dave got suspended from his job today. That means it’s pretty certain that he’ll be terminated in the next few days. I can’t say I’m totally surprised. Ever since the merger at his company, his new supervisors have been looking for a reason to replace him. They don’t know what a fantastic, hard-working executive his is, or how much he’s turned that building around in the past couple years. All they see is the numbers for the past month. They’re just cutthroat corporate hacks. The two guys who have been his regional supervisors for the past two years (up until last month) are shocked and upset, and can’t believe this new guy could be so reckless as to get rid of one of their best directors. One even offered Dave a letter of recommendation (which he’s technically not supposed to do), even though he doesn’t believe the company would be so stupid as to let Dave go. I know this hasn’t take God by surprise. This job was a miraculous gift that Dave wasn’t even looking for when it was first offered, and I know God has everything in control now, too. He gives and He takes away, and we bless and worship Him in either circumstance, because we know He loves us and has our best interest at heart. He’s always provided everything we needed. We’ve got enough to live on for the next few months, and I really don’t think it will take that long for Dave to find another job. We’re willing to relocate pretty much anywhere, we just have to wait until I’ve had a chance to recover from the birth if we’re going to move. In the meantime, we can job search and get the house ready to sell if we need to.

Trying to Keep Up

I've got five weeks until my due date, and have been spending the time trying to check things off my "before baby" to-do list. My friends say I'm nesting, but it would be nice if I could get the burst of energy that supposedly comes with that. Sometimes, after an hour or two of running errands, I get that familiar shaky feeling that tells me I didn't get enough iron or protein that morning, and then I have to try and sit down or eat a snack to regain my strength. It's very frustrating, especially as I try to get things done early, before the weather's too hot. This past weekend, Dave and I attacked our closets with a vengeance. I got some clear plastic storage containers, and we went through every box in the guest room closet, throwing away or donating anything we don't need. It looks 100% better, and now there's no confusion over mislabeled or re-used boxes because we can simply see what's inside, and it's all organized. We did the same thing to our master bedroom closet, but we're not entirely done yet. We've cleared out tons of clothes we don't need, but some things still need to be packed away in containers. And we still need to tackle Eva's closet. Still, I'm very happy with the progress we've made so far. If we decide to put some things in storage to make the house look more spacious while showing it to potential buyers, everything is already packed up and ready to go. If not, at least our closets look organized instead of cluttered.

Real Estate Search

We've decided to meet with a few realtors in the area, before making any major decisions. A couple weeks ago I submitted our criteria on a website called HomeGain, and got several responses from local realtors. I chose to meet with a couple people who seemed to have read and understood exactly what we wanted. We've decided not to list until I've fully recovered from the birth, which means probably not until late August or early September. We'd like to use the time in between to make any necessary improvements on our home, etc. At this point, we'd really like to stay in the area if we can, but we’re not ruling anything out.

Washer Trouble

The washing machine that Grandma gave us a few years ago finally died this week. It's over 25 years old, so I'm not surprised, but it's still bad timing. I'd like to get a front-loading model that I can use to wash anything, including our queen size comforter, while using less water and energy. But Dave doesn't want to get something so large and heavy when we might have to move in a few months. He'd rather get a cheaper, lighter model that we could just leave behind with the house, if we wanted to. On the one hand, I don't want to buy a cheap washer on the chance that whoever buys our house will want it, only to get stuck having to take it with us because they have their own. On the other hand, if we left it behind, I don't want to be out $300 that we could have put towards the purchase of a machine that we really want. I guess it doesn’t matter now. No big purchases for a while.

First Dentist Visit

I finally made a dentist appointment for Eva, something I should have done after her first birthday, but never got around to. I knew if I waited any longer, it would be months before we'd have another chance. I chose a pediatric dentist because I'd like someone who specializes in kids and tries to make it as non-traumatic as possible. The hygienist gave her a toothbrush with a strawberry flavored fluoridated foam on it, and Eva let her brush her teeth with it. Then the dentist came and gave Eva a high-five. She sat in my lap, facing me, and leaned backward into his lap so he could check her teeth. That scared her a bit and made her cry, but it didn't hurt her, and he was able to scrape off a little plaque and confirm that she didn't have any cavities. The minute we let her sit up she calmed down, gave him another high-five and said "thank-you" for the sticker he gave her. So I think it's safe to say that overall, it was a positive experience for her. He wants to see her in another six months for a check-up, and says that every visit they introduce one more part of the process so the kids become familiar with it and are less frightened. I like that gentle approach.

6/22/07 - Summer Sun

Summer is officially here, and the heat is already climbing. Soon we'll need to dig out and install our window A/C units. I finally packed all of Eva's winter clothes away in storage. Wearing shorts means she continues to need a half-dozen band-aids on her leg to keep her from picking at the old bug bites. The minute one is halfway healed, she starts digging at it until it bleeds, and then we have to start all over again. They would have healed weeks ago if she'd just leave them alone! Thankfully she usually doesn't take off the band-aids, thinking they're colorful "stickers".

Getting Ready for Baby

It feels like there is so much to do, and so little time. Get the car washed, install another infant car seat, dig out the baby clothes, swing, bassinet, etc. Do some thorough spring cleaning. Stock up on birthday presents for the next couple months, when I probably won't be able to go shopping. A lot of it has nothing to do with preparing for a newborn. They're just things I know I'll never have time to do once the baby arrives, like sorting through our closets and packing away anything we don't need, in case we put the house on the market and need it cleaned out for buyer walk-throughs. I know I need to do it now, while I still have time, but I just don't seem to have the energy. Just trying to keep up with cooking, dishes, laundry and errands is enough to wear me out, and I don't even keep up with that very well, as Dave can attest. The last few weeks he's been folding and putting away all the laundry I left sitting in baskets, and washing dishes I let pile in the sink. I don't know what I'd ever do without him. Little by little I'm getting everything my midwife says I need to have on hand for my homebirth. At least that's one thing that's getting accomplished. I'm looking forward to my family coming to visit at the end of July. By then I'll be so huge I'll barely be able to do anything, and it's nice to know they'll be here for the birth and able to help with Eva and stuff.

Prenatal Health

My last midwife appointment went well, but I still have a few things to work on. I'm still anemic, so I've been told to eat more protein in the mornings, increase my iron intake again, and start taking B vitamins. If that's not enough, she'll start giving me B-vitamin injections. I'm glad she's continuing to monitor this. I think midwives observe their patients more closely and screen more thoroughly because they need to make absolutely sure you're perfectly healthy and have no risk factors for a home birth. I felt this crappy towards the end of my last pregnancy, but my OB never talked to me about possible anemia, or tested my blood after 26 weeks. I really feel like I'm getting better care this time. On the bright side, it appears that all my efforts have helped the baby shift into a better position. She still isn't completely anterior (her front facing my spine), but the next best thing: her back is lying along my left side. From that position, it's not difficult for her to shift to face-down during labor and birth. Still, Michelle (my midwife) told me not to panic if she shifts a few more times before settling on a permanent position, because that's likely to happen occasionally during the final month. Just be diligent about not reclining backwards, and lean forward or lie on my left side whenever possible.

Going Dairy-Free

I've been really good about eliminating all dairy from my diet lately, even reading labels to make sure there's no surprise ingredient like caseinate or non-fat dry milk powder. It's made a dramatic difference, especially in my sinuses, which finally cleared up for the first time in months. The other day Dave decided to make chocolate chip cookies, and I asked him to make half the batch with my special dairy-free chocolate chips. He did, but the next day my nose started running like a faucet, and I couldn't figure out why. We finally realized he had forgotten to make them with margarine instead of butter, and that was enough to cause a reaction. I never would have thought that some butter in cookie dough would be enough to bother me. I guess I'm more sensitive than I realized. Thankfully, Eva tested negative for food allergies, so she can have as much dairy as she wants. That doesn't stop her from getting into the cupboard and trying to eat my special, milk-free chocolate, though!

6/16/07 - Workin' For A Livin'

Dave's work has been pretty crazy lately, leaving him stressed and exhausted. We were supposed to go on vacation this week, but had to cancel our plans because Dave couldn't leave his building right now. His company recently bought another assisted living company, and there's a lot of restructuring going on at the top while they try to integrate the corporate staff of both companies. Dave's previous regional supervisors (who thought he was great and trusted him completely) have been replaced with people from the other company, and their management style is completely different. They don't know him at all, or how much he's turned his building around over the past two years, and they tend to micro-manage and question everything he does, wasting his time by making him spend hours trying to explain, defend, and account for every decision he makes. It's frustrating to have new people constantly looking over his shoulder and asking him to basically prove himself all over again. Dave loves working with seniors and wants to stay in the industry, but he's not so sure he wants to stay with this company anymore. Since we've been looking at moving to a larger home with a yard anyway, we're also considering our options out of the area, as well. We checked out a cost-of-living calculator online, and it basically said that if we lived anywhere but Southern California, we could take a 30% cut in income and still maintain our standard of living. That would be a nice break for Dave, if he could work less and still be able to get ahead. Of course, with a baby coming right around the corner, our options are limited for awhile, but we're not taking anything off the table permanently.

Holding On

Heartburn, watery mouth, leg and muscle cramps, backache, trouble sleeping, trouble breathing, occasional queasiness...ahh, the joys of pregnancy. I have to take about a dozen pills a day to keep my strength up, because I can really tell the difference when I skip them. 8 of them are food-based prenatal vitamins, which are less potent (which is why there are so many of them) and more easily absorbed without causing nausea. The other 4 are liquid liver capsules, which contain small doses of iron to try and alleviate my anemia. I can tell within hours if I’ve forgotten to take them, because I’ll hit the wall pretty quickly. I hate taking pills, but it’s worth feeling better. Lately my stomach muscles have been hurting from all the stretching, especially when I’m standing up. A few people have suggested I wear one of those maternity support belts, but I find them very uncomfortable. They tend to chafe tender stretch-marked skin, the material isn’t very breathable (a must in hot weather), and often they put direct pressure on your bladder.

PREGNANCY BLUES

I’ve been getting pretty tired and blue towards the end of the day, especially in the few hours before Dave gets home. Eva seems to want extra attention just as my energy level is crashing, and starts to get clingy and fussy. She wants to climb all over me (and the couch I’m sitting on) just as I’m trying to rest, and gets upset when I make her get down or push her away for hurting me. I find myself getting impatient and snappy, and I hate being like that. She’s only two, she has lots of energy, and she doesn’t understand why Mommy’s so tired and can’t play. Thank God I only have about 6 more weeks to go. I guess this is the body's way of getting you to look forward to labor and delivery. On the one hand, I’m tired of waiting and would love to just get it over with already. On the other hand, I’m afraid to start labor until I’m sure little Amanda has shifted into the right position. I’m pretty sure she’s gonna be a big baby (Eva was 8lbs 1oz), and if she’s still facing posterior (the back of her head against my spine), it will make it more difficult for her to fit through my pelvis, and could make labor much longer and more painful. It’s really not the pain I dread, though, it’s the exhaustion. I distinctly remember, towards the end of pushing with Eva, thinking that I didn’t have the strength to go on, but knowing I had no choice but to finish. It was worth it, of course. But knowing how tired and worn out I’ve been feeling lately, it’s hard to imagine how I’ll ever have enough energy to deliver a baby within a few weeks.

6/12/07 - Sick of Being Pregnant!

It's official: I am sooo done being pregnant now! It's like a small earthquake every time I try to roll over in bed, and just getting off the couch and hauling myself around takes a huge effort. It's difficult to reach things on the floor, like picking up Eva's toys. I dread it whenever Eva stubbornly decides not to follow me up or down the stairs, and I end up having to carry her. It doesn't matter if I change or dress Eva on the floor or heave her onto the changing table: both are equally challenging. I look in the mirror every morning and think, "there's no way I can possibly get any bigger!" But with 7 weeks to go, I know that's not true. Especially since the baby typically gains 1/2lb a week during the last month. Dave thinks we should try to get the birthing tub early because he believes this baby will arrive sooner than expected, but I don't think I'm that lucky. Even so, I decided to go ahead and stock up on newborn diapers, wipes, Dreft detergent, and other essentials, just in case. I've also sorted through Eva's clothes and set aside a drawer in the dresser with a few new outfits for the baby. It never hurts to prepare early.

Warming Up

The weather is starting to get hotter, and I've shifted completely over to tank tops and shorts. I've put away most of Eva's winter clothes, but kept a couple outfits on hand for an occasional chilly morning or evening. I'm always hotter than everyone else when I'm pregnant, which makes it tricky to dress Eva because I don't want to assume she’s as warm as I am. Lately she's been in shorts, which exposed a couple bug bites on her left leg that hadn't healed yet. I had taken her to the doctor because I wasn't sure what they were, but he assured me it was probably just a flea that got her while she was playing outside. Spring is bug season, after all. Since her pants weren't covering the bumps anymore, she started picking at them until they bled. Now I have to cover them with colorful band-aids and tell her not to touch her "stickers". She loves playing with stickers. She's also gotten attached to balloons, thanks to our local grocery store. Some of their staff started giving balloons to children at check-out, and now they've created a monster. Every time Eva goes through the line now, she starts looking around and asking for a "boon". Today I kept telling her not to take it off her wrist, but she loosened the loop and took it off anyway. She laughed as it floated up, not realizing she was going to lose it. Then she started asking "where go?" and wanting it back. I told her the balloon went bye-bye because she didn't obey Mommy, and she'd have to wait until next time. It wasn't until I started backing out of the parking lot that she finally realized I wasn't getting her balloon back, and then she got really upset. Oh, well. That's how you learn.

Toddler Chatter

If you ask Eva how old she is, she'll stick out two little fingers and proudly declare, "two!" I don't think she really understands what that means, but she knows it's the right answer because she's heard it so many times. Lately she's added a few more words of "Eva talk" to her repertoire that only we can understand. We already knew that "ah-too" meant horse, but now she says "ah-tee-tee" for elephant, "lie-lie" for lion, "wees" for swing, "ray-ray" for raisins, "moke" for milk, "dish" for fish (usually meaning Goldfish crackers) and "geech" to ask for a drink. As cute as it is for her to have her own little language for things, I hope she learns to pronounce them correctly enough to not require a translator in the coming months. "No!" is every toddler's favorite word, and Eva has started using it in earnest. If you're touching something (like a toy) she doesn't want you to, she'll shake her head, pull your hand away, and chide "no, no, no!" If you offer her a snack or activity she doesn't want, you get the same response. Of course, she also has a tendency to say "no" even when she really means "yes", so sometimes it takes awhile to figure out what she really wants.

Mommy's Little Helper

Whatever we happen to be doing, Eva wants to help. If I'm unloading the dishwasher, she wants to hand me the dishes and silverware. If I'm folding clothes, she'll start trying them on, or grab an armload of freshly folded clothes from her drawer that she can use to imitate me. When she sees Daddy getting dressed, she goes into the closet and brings out a pair of shoes for him to wear. Even if she can't help, she wants to be nearby. When I cook dinner, she likes to start bringing all of her toys into the kitchen to play with. She starts crying if I put up the kitchen gate to keep her from getting underfoot. Even sometimes when I'm sitting down on the couch, she'll bring over a bunch of toys to pile at my feet, or starts handing me crayons and other things she wants to have on hand once she crawls into my lap. Speaking of which, there really isn't much of my lap left for her to sit on, which seems to frustrate her. Lately she's been compensating by hugging or trying to play with my feet. She'll actually walk over to me, grab my ankles, and lay her head on my feet like a pillow. Isn't that weird?

6/10/07 - Toddler Orneriness

If we had any doubts that we had a two-year-old on our hands, they're gone now. Eva is starting to assert her strong will and pull the ornery little stunts that make toddlers so delightful and frustrating at the same time. Lately she's been hauling her plastic bike onto the couch to ride it, even though it doesn't go anywhere. I really have no idea where she got that idea, but she does it a lot. She loves to climb, including all over me, which is really irritating when I'm trying to sit and rest. I'm not a jungle gym, and my big belly is really sensitive to being pulled on, bumped or jabbed. She likes to strip off her clothes at random times. She's starting to refuse to hold my hand in public, either dropping her weight because she wants to walk by herself, or trying to run ahead. At eight months pregnant, it's a challenge to run after her and pick up her 25 pounds. In a mall or store, the tone of my voice and my taking a few steps toward her is enough to motivate her to run back to me, but in a parking lot, that's not an option. Eva tends to sleep in the "stink-bug" position with her butt in the air, so lately she's been waking up soaking wet because her diaper leaked over the top front. She's getting pickier about her food, refusing her dinner (or picking out just her favorite parts) and then begging for snacks. I never force her to eat dinner, but I won't give her anything else until she eats at least part of it, which makes her really mad. I know if I give in to a tantrum, it will only encourage her to throw a fit to get what she wants. Still, it's exhausting to hold the line.

ROAD WORK

The main street between our house and the freeway has been blocked for 16 days, to lay tracks across for a new passenger rail line. I keep forgetting to use alternative routes and end up rerouted at the roadblock, having to take long, winding detours clogged with traffic. By the time I finally get in the habit of using other routes, I probably won't need them anymore. That's pregnancy brain, for you.

Just Like Daddy

Eva always wants to do exactly whatever David is doing. If he's tinkering in the garage, Eva follows him out there and stacks soda cans or plays in the car. She's obsessed with bikes since that is Daddy's favorite hobby, and loves to ride behind him in the little trailer or toddler seat. The other day Dave came home from work and took off his shirt, and she immediately took her shirt off to imitate him. The minute I tell her it’s time for bed, she runs to Daddy. She doesn’t want me to put her down; she wants him. Whenever Dave is home, he’s got an adoring little shadow.

FEELS LIKE HOME

Eva's never had a "lovie" or security object she just had to have, like a pacifier, blanket or stuffed animal. Apparently it's a common toddler phenomenon, but she never really needed one. I guess that's partly because she always had one of us around, so she never had much separation anxiety to soothe. At any rate, I've noticed more recently that while she still doesn't harbor attachment to any particular object, she does tend to like things in a certain way that feels familiar. For instance, when we put her down for a nap, she wants a sippy cup full of water and a "bankie". It really doesn't matter which blanket, so long as it's a cuddly afghan pattern that she can weave her fingers into. And it helps if she has white noise like a fan and one of her lullaby CD's, too. When we go out, she'll sometimes want to bring along a familiar toy, like her stuffed doggy. Again, it doesn't have to be a specific toy, just one of her favorites.

Mother Wars

Most of the moms I run into at WeeStart Gym are nice and a friendly, but a couple of them are downright catty. The two I ran into this week appeared to have known each other quite awhile, and weren't pulling any punches. First Mother “A” told Mother “B” that she should find a better outfit for her daughter (Abby) because the one she was wearing "makes her butt look big". She's a toddler, for goodness sake! Who cares what her diapered butt looks like? Then Mother “B” retorted that Mother “A” needed to teach her daughter (Kendall) better social skills, because little Abby had tried to give her a hug and kiss, and Kendall cringed and pulled away. Mother “A” explained that Kendall doesn't like invasions of her personal space, but the other insisted that she'd better learn or “she'll be socially stunted and won't have any friends". They're two years old! Any toddler who isn't hitting is ahead of the game! Then Mother “B” started complaining about how her new 6-week-old daughter wanted to be held all the time, and how she was kinda sorry that she had taken to nursing so well because she had stocked the garage with formula and had been looking forward to switching her to the bottle. "I know nursing is healthier," she said, "but I just don't have the time to waste". Now, I've heard mothers describe nursing as too difficult or challenging, but this is the first time I've ever heard anyone refer to it as a waste of time. Sometimes I wonder why some people even have kids in the first place. They reminded me of the spoiled rich girls I used to go to high school with in Orange County, who'd complain that the Mercedes Daddy got them was the wrong color. Whatever happened to gratitude and generosity (or even common courtesy)? I feel sorry for their little daughters, growing up with such an example before them, thinking such shallow values are so important.

6/7/07 - Debating The Issues

Usually I try to avoid watching or reading about things that stress me out when I'm pregnant, but I've been keeping an eye on the recent debates and candidates for the 2008 election. The primaries are still 7 months away, but the race is already going ahead full speed. To me, it doesn't matter whether a candidate is a man or woman, white or black, Democrat or Republican. All I care about is where they stand on the issues, so I listen closely to each of them. The War on Terror, Iraq, border security and immigration are the most important issues to me.

On the Democrats' side, Leiberman is the only one I trust when it comes to fighting terror, and he isn't running. Everyone else seems to think that our only terrorist threat comes from Osama Bin Laden and Al Qaeda, that the only legitimate battleground against terrorism is Afghanistan, that Bush is the reason why the terrorists hate us, and that we have no friends or allies left in the world. None of this is true. The terrorists have hated us since the days of Jimmy Carter and beyond, and their hatred extends to any country that doesn't bow to their radical, Islamo-fascist ideology. Russia, Spain, Great Britain, Italy, Thailand, Indonesia, Australia - take your pick. They're all targets, and nobody is immune. We have over 30 countries fighting by our side in Iraq and around the world.

Bin Laden may be the face of modern terrorism, but he's only one threat among many, and just the first to actually pull off an attack on US soil. There are hundreds of radical organizations similar to his all over the world, and all of them pose a threat. Eliminating Al Qaeda will not solve the problem, and to focus on one man, location or group is short-sighted and narrow minded. I think we need to work with moderate muslims to find out ways to prevent these radical groups from being so appealing to the young people they recruit. Whether that's providing educational alternatives to radical schools that teach hatred towards Jews and westerners, promoting alternative media outlets that counter the propoganda coming from Al Jazeera and other Arab news organizations, or even promoting democracy (which Bush seems to think will help), I don't know. But moderate muslims do, so we need to learn from them what would be most effective in stemming the tide towards radicalism,and give them all the support and resources they need to make it happen. We can stop the war on terror if we can dry up their primary resource: radical young people willing to blow themselves up and become terrorists.

We're fighting the greatest evil on earth since the Nazis. It's an ideology, not just a country or organization, and the only thing they respect is action. Leaving Iraq now would only embolden our enemies the same way it emboldened Bin Laden when we retreated from Mogadishu after the "Black Hawk Down" incident. They're convinced that we don't have the stomach to keep fighting after suffering casualties (and what they hear about American public opinion on the news proves them right), which only encourages them to be more aggressive. If they can just give us a big enough bloody nose, we’ll tuck tail and run (or so they think), leaving them free to take over the Middle East, then eventually the whole world. They’re not secretive about these goals – they’ve been talking about them for years and post them on their websites – why do we not take it seriously? They even kill their fellow muslims to do it!

I haven't been too impressed with the candidates on the Republican side, either. I can't agree with McCain on his support for this half-ass immigration bill they're trying to push through right now. As someone who lives not far from the border, illegal immigration is a big issue for me. I can't support giving 12 million illegals any kind of reward for coming here illegally, even a temporary visa. (There's no background check until they apply for the permanent visa, up to 8 years later, by the way, which is a HUGE security risk). They still haven't enforced any of the provisions of the 1986 bill (except the amnesty part), why should I believe they'll enforce the ones in this bill? Try enforcing the laws we ALREADY have for a change, like fining employers for hiring illegals, and removing incentives for them to be here, like all the free services.

Romney is a robot, but it's not personality I look for, it's the position on the issues. So far I like his stance on things, though he doesn't always articulate them well. Gulliani I fully agree with on immigration and the war on terror, but the other issues (not top priority to me, but still important), not so much. So we'll see. I'd put more faith in a candidate if I felt they were willing to acknowledge the reality of the facts and do what it takes to defend us, even if it's unpopular.

6/4/07 - Birthday Girl

We celebrated Eva's 2nd birthday this weekend. I can hardly believe it! It's flown by so fast. Amber and Xavier offered to host the party at their new house, where they just moved four days ago. It was nice to have so much space in the house and yard for the kids to run around in. Dwane and JK brought their kids, Nanci & Gary came with the cousins, and Dennis and Kent came down and brought Dave's mom from Escondido. It was a full house, and Eva was in her element. I made the theme "Baby Einstein" because those are her favorite videos. She loves the puppet characters. We got a bubble gun for the backyard so she could chase the bubbles, and Amber & Xavier got her a little "Dora the Explorer" bike for whenever she comes over to visit. Nanci got one earlier to keep at her house, so now everywhere she goes, she has a bike to ride. She made out like a little bandit with all her presents, though she'd get so absorbed with one that she'd lose interest in opening another. So cousin Allen helped her open them. Toy horses and books, dolls, clothes and a Weebles play set, she had a blast. And the best part is, none of them have small parts or choking hazards for me to worry about when the new baby comes.

Big 2 Year Old

Today (Monday) was Eva’s actual birthday, so I tried to make it special, even though it was quiet. I took her to the mall in the morning so she could run around on the playground and see the puppies at the pet store, and got her some cute summer outfits with her Gymboree gift certificate. After her nap we went to the Wee Start Gym for their open gym time, and she had a lot of fun playing with the other toddlers on all the play equipment. It’s one of her favorite places to play, and mine too. It’s a spacious, colorful, air-conditioned facility with plenty of things to climb on and play with. Completely childproofed and toddler-safe with no place to wander off to, it gives me a break to just sit by and watch her while hanging out with other moms.

Proper Positioning

Baby Amanda is head-down, but she's facing my belly instead of my spine. Midwives call this the posterior or "sunny side up" position. If I were to go into labor right now, I'd likely suffer from back labor because the baby's head would put undue pressure on my lower back. To change this, my midwife gave me two books, "Sit Up And Take Notice", and "Back Labor No More". Basically, they tell me to avoid reclining or leaning back as much as possible, because gravity will pull the baby's heaviest part (her back and butt) towards my spine. Instead, I need to sit up straight or lean forward as much as possible, to give the baby room to rotate into a better position. They even recommend getting on my hands and knees several times a day so gravity can lend a hand. It's frustrating because it's so tempting to lay back in the easy chair when I'm tired. But after the extra pain and pressure Eva caused in my right hip from facing the wrong way during her birth, I know it's worth the effort. Now if I can just be diligent about it for the next 8 weeks...

6/2/07 - Getting Ready For Two

I have a whole mental checklist of things to do before the next one arrives. I'm taking all our home movies of Eva so far and transferring them onto video for the grandparents. It's amazing to watch them and see how much she's changed in only the last year. I've organized most of her photos into slide shows that I can burn onto DVD for the relatives, and I'm finally ordering some prints of our digital photos to put in an album. I got so used to just uploading pics onto the web or sending them through e-mail, I realized I have hardly any hard copies. I'm also trying to make sure I fill out all the pertinent information in Eva's baby book. I realize that once I have another baby in the house, it will be more difficult to remember Eva's special days and milestones, and I don't want to get them mixed up.

Memorial Day Weekend

Last Saturday we visited the Wild Animal Park again. There are some hilly trails in the back of the park where it's less crowded, so we let Eva walk and wear herself out. I was just commenting on how much more energized I feel now that I've been taking more iron and prenatal vitamins, when suddenly I hit the wall. It must have been a drop in my blood sugar, since I hadn't eaten in a couple hours. So I drank some juice and ate a granola bar, and tried to muster enough strength for an uphill climb back to the car. I made it with a few rest stops, and I learned to pay better attention next time. Still, I'm glad we went. We must have walked around four miles that morning. The next day we went to the local Chocolate Festival. We ran into a friend who shared her ice cream bar with Eva and let her pet her dog. Eva was ecstatic. Two of her favorite things! Later she spotted a policeman on a bike, and ran up excitedly to grab it and yell "bike"! He apparently thought it was pretty cute, and gave her a sticker in the shape of a badge. Later she waved at the firefighters, and one of them gave her a balloon. She makes friends wherever she goes. I hope she doesn't get used to strangers giving her things, though. She must have pet about a dozen dogs walking by, too. I'm glad she's not afraid of them, but I hope she only meets friendly ones until she learns to be more cautious.

6/2/07 - Visiting Friends

This week my friend Kate came to visit from Wisconsin. On Wednesday I drove up to Pasadena to visit with her at Nicola's house. Nicola has a son, Raphael, who is only five days older than Eva, and both of us are due with our second child this summer. When we first met in 1996 at the LA DTS and traveled to Estonia together, we could never have foreseen that we'd both end up starting our families in Southern California, especially since she's from Germany. And who would've guessed we'd have synchronized pregnancies? I haven't seen her in over a year, so it was nice to catch up. I brought Kate back home with me, and the next day we drove down to Chula Vista to visit another mutual YWAM friend, Julie. She has three girls, and Eva kept digging out all their toy horses to play with. When we left, her daughter Maddie picked out a pink pony to give to Eva, which was really sweet of her. Eva took it to bed with her that night.

Feeling Huge!!

I'm very big and uncomfortable, now. Everyone who sees me asks "when is your due date again?", as if they can't believe I still have two months to go. My new stretch marks are already itching. Some of my smaller maternity tops have gotten too tight. Clumsiness has set in, and I bump my belly a lot because I forget how far it sticks out, and my center of gravity is off, making it easier for me to lose my balance. I have trouble getting up off the couch or out of bed, and never can get entirely comfortable in any position anymore. My hips feel loose, which means my legs aren't always exactly where I expect them to be. I can thank the hormone Relaxin for that, loosening all my joints in preparation for birth. In the meantime I try not to trip or kill myself, and I have to be careful trying to walk after sitting or lying in one position for too long. I see a chiropractor once a week, which helps, though I can't hold an adjustment for very long. It's difficult to pick up Eva, so I try to let her walk as much as I can, and go up and down the stairs on her own while at home. Now I usually just leave the safety gates open so she can follow me around. The baby's kicks are getting much more prominent, and sometimes I can tell from feeling a bump that it's an elbow or knee. If I'm really lucky, I'll feel little ridges suggestive of fingers or toes. It's amazing to think that my little baby is just under my fingertips, yet I can't touch or see her for another couple months. So close, and yet so far!

Big Girl

Eva has figured out how to undress herself. She can take off her shirt, pants, and socks, and occasionally her diaper. She can help us get her dressed by putting her arm through the sleeves or stepping into her pants, but she can't dress herself yet. She likes to put her feet into Mommy or Daddy's shoes and walk around. She also likes to climb into her car seat and try to buckle herself in. Saves me the trouble of having to pick her up. Eva's constantly learning new words, and tries to repeat everything we say. It's difficult to understand more than half of it, but her pronunciation is improving. Some things she gets a bit mixed up, like whenever she sees someone in the water, even the ocean or a pool, she calls it a "bath". She doesn't know how else to describe it yet. She's so full of energy these days, and wants to climb anything she sees, including me. It's difficult when she tries to climb into my non-existent lap and digs an elbow or knee into my protruding belly. When she gets restless she'll ask repeatedly to go "bye-bye" and bring me her shoes, so then I take her to the mall playground or somewhere else where she can burn off some steam. I sometimes wish we had more room for her to run around. I suppose it's an odd sort of nesting, but lately I've been browsing local real estate listings for single-story homes with a nice yard. Housing prices are so expensive right now (half a million for a 3-bed, 2-bath house? Are you kidding me?). Even if they weren't, two months before my due date isn't the time to think about moving. The last thing I need while preparing for a new arrival (especially a home birth) is trying to keep the house pristine for potential buyer walk-throughs while looking for a new house ourselves.

Teaching Manners

Nothing is more annoying than kids who are demanding or ungrateful. "Gimme" just doesn't fly with me. So we're trying to teach Eva good manners. It's important to know that the world doesn't owe her anything, not to take people's kindness or generosity for granted, and to be thankful for what she's given. At this age, it's a simple lesson in "please" and "thank you". She's used to saying both now. I won't let anyone reward her if she's whining or demanding. If she wants something, she knows to ask nicely, and if she's given something, she knows to say "thank you". She's gotten such positive reactions from people that it's really encouraged her to keep it up. She even says "thank you" to the grocery clerk as we leave, which always elicits a smile and an enthusiastic "you're welcome!" People are often surprised to hear a small child use good manners, which to me is kinda sad. I'm glad she's learning that being polite and respectful will always get you farther in this world. It's never too early to learn good manners.