9/16/06 - Adventures in Parenting

This has been a very eventful week. We were on our way out the door to have dinner at a friend’s house when I jammed my little toe in a doorway. At first I thought it was nothing, but by the time we got there my whole foot was throbbing. I ended up spending most of the visit with my foot elevated and packed in ice. The next morning, the whole left side of my left foot was purple and blue, though the swelling was down and it was a lot less painful. I’m glad winter is coming so I can wear shoes. This is the second time I’ve tried to break a toe this summer while walking barefoot.

The weather is getting cooler, and for the first time this week I actually was able to wear jeans all day. I found out all the 24-month pants I bought for Eva are too long, and she trips over them. All summer she’s been wearing 24-month dresses, so I thought they would fit. I guess I’m going to have to roll the cuffs and get her some 18-month pants that are hopefully not too tight around the waist.

Great-Grandma was in the hospital most of the week, and when she came home I went up to take care of her for a couple days until the home health care company could send somebody over. She was pretty weak, but glad to be home, and more than glad to spend some time with Eva. She has such an enormous floor plan that Eva had a blast pushing her little car all over the house, showing off her new walking skills. I had to watch her with an eagle eye because she loves to get into Great-Grandma’s cabinets and other non-childproofed areas. She’s learned how to climb into her toy box at home and dump out all the toys, so it’s her new favorite activity. She also tries to climb into the bottom drawer in the kitchen, but she keeps getting stuck and has to call for me to help her out.

Temper, Temper!

Eva finally threw her first real temper tantrum, and it was in public, of course! I was at the UPS store and she got mad because I wouldn't let her pull greeting cards out of the display stand. She started throwing a fit, so I picked her up, put my hand over her mouth to muffle her yelling, strapped her into the stroller and gave her a sippy cup to distract her. It worked long enough to get us out of there. I knew I shouldn't have tried to run errands while she was tired, but I had gotten sick of waiting for her to go to sleep and finally decided to go anyway, hoping she'd drift off in the car. I won't make that mistake again.

9/11

Last week marked the fifth anniversary of September 11th. I was solemn most of the day, watching memorial TV specials and reflecting on all that had happened. It's so sad to think about, but so necessary to remember, lest we lose sight of what we're fighting against and become complacent. Eva was born into a post-9/11 world. It will be all she has ever known, with no memory of anything different. I hope that someday, her generation will see a victorious end to the War on Terror, in the same way my generation witnessed the end of the Cold War. It made me a little nervous to know that we will be flying again soon under an elevated (orange) threat level. However, I do believe we're safer now than we were 5 years ago, when we ignored the threats instead of acting on them. In less than two weeks, Dave is off to Biloxi to help with the Katrina rebuilding effort, and Eva and I are flying to Oregon to visit my family. It ought to be interesting, taking two connecting flights with an energetic 15-month old on my lap! I'm packing snacks and some small new toys she's never seen to try to hold her attention. Wish me luck!

9/4/06 - Recharging

Eva is beginning to show that her memory is growing. Now she remembers places and faces even a month afterward. When I took her in for her last shot, she began to cry the minute she saw the nurse come in with the tray. Suddenly she knew what was coming. It's the first time she's had that reaction. Now 15 months old, Eva is requiring a lot more interaction and attention. She's not as satisfied to play by herself: now she wants me to join her. She’ll want to show me a book or toy she found, and will bring it to me to read or watch me demonstrate it. She likes to role-play, giving me her toy phone to talk into, then taking it back for her turn. Most of the time it's fun and cute, but sometimes it can be draining.

She notices when I sit down to read or watch a show, suddenly decides I'm ignoring her and wants my attention. Sometimes she wants it while I'm trying to cook or get something else done. Whether it's just a reassuring hug or satisfying her curiosity, it's getting constant, and at times it can get draining. For the first time since she was born, I'm beginning to feel the need for occasional time out of the house without her (in the house, I'm always on-call). It used to be a change of scenery, like a trip to the grocery store, was enough to refresh me because she was quietly fascinated. Now I often have to entertain her while we're out, so it's not relaxing anymore. I feel sort of guilty for having even the slightest desire to be away from her, but if it means I'll have more to give, I just have to go ahead and find ways to get a break and recharge myself.

Exploration

Toddlers can turn the most common object into a plaything. Eva takes the plastic placemats off the table and pushes them around on the carpet like a sled. I have to keep the caps tight on my water bottles around the house because Eva likes to try to drink out of them, drenching herself and the floor. She's started going after kleenex boxes to pull out all the tissues. She found my pre-pregnancy bras in a bottom drawer and decided to try them on for size. Food is as much of a discovery opportunity as anything else.

Eva loves to play with her food, dumping her bowl or plate, spreading it around her tray, picking out her favorite pieces. She'll chew on something, take it out of her mouth to look at it, and put it back. She'll try to feed herself with a toddler spoon or fork, then switch to the tried-and-true finger method. She'll notice that Mommy and Daddy's food looks different from what she's eating (hers is cut into tiny pieces), and instantly want our food instead of hers. When she's done, she'll start dropping food onto the floor and then sign for "more" to play with. Once when I was making dinner, Eva decided she didn't want to wait. I turned around to see her calmly munching on chocolate-covered pretzels. She had somehow managed to grab the box off the table and pry the lid off. Her hands, face and clothes were smeared in chocolate, but she was thoroughly enjoying her accomplishment.

Turning Point

Up to about 14 months, toddlers aren't really capable of deliberately defying you. They may disobey you about touching the light socket a dozen times, but it's because everything around them looks so interesting, they have short memories, and little, if any, impulse control. The only thing you can do at this time is distract, redirect, and hide anything dangerous. Between 15 and 18 months, however, toddlers are beginning to understand and remember the boundaries you have set. Now the game has become: what reaction will I get if I push this boundary? It's not malicious, it's just normal curiosity to see how much power they have and who is really in charge.

I've already seen this starting to bud in Eva. Whereas before she'd be so absorbed in exploring she would barely hear me say "no", now she'll look straight at me, smile, and deliberately do something I just told her not to, like throw her food or push the power button on the computer. She wants to see what will happen and what my reaction will be. It's an interesting development. I've read that now is the crucial time to establish two bedrock principles: we love you unconditionally, and Mommy and Daddy are in charge. They say a child who doesn't respect parental authority (balanced with the confidence of being loved no matter what) by the age of two, is much more likely to have discipline problems in the future. That doesn't mean they'll stop being toddlers and no longer push the limits. It just means they need to understand that a loving parent will be there to firmly hold the line when they try to cross it, and not be a push-over. It gives children a sense of security to know where the boundaries are, and that people who love them are there to rein them in.

Here, Kitty, Kitty!

Eva and Rebel have developed an affectionate but tumultuous relationship. Rebel's favorite spot is the cushion on my dining room chair, but this is the perfect height for Eva to pat, poke, prod, pull hair, and even occasionally try to pull his tail or put it in her mouth. Rebel's response is usually a lazy "meow", getting up to stretch and reposition himself, and then plopping back down in the exact same spot, as if begging for more abuse. Eva is then likely to try pushing the chair around the kitchen with Rebel still in it. Eventually, he finally gets tired of these games, and jumps the safety gate in search of a quieter place to curl up. I wish he would get out of her way sooner. Half the time he’s so quiet I don’t even notice she’s bothering him until he’s fed up.