1/16/07 - Active Toddler

Eva is growing by leaps and bounds every day, and never ceases to amaze me by how quickly she is learning. She's figured out a lot more of her advanced toys, like sorting shapes and simple puzzles, and can roll her tongue just like mommy. She likes her stacking cups, but gets upset if the tower falls over before she's finished, or if a toy won't fit or stay where she puts it. She's very particular and gets frustrated when things don't work the way she wants, like when she's trying to carry too much in her arms and keeps dropping things. It's a good lesson in life's limitations. Eva's learning new words every day, too, and will often point to things she recognizes in a book or TV and name it out loud: puppy, baby, hat, bath, or "Rebel" (her word for cat). She can point to and name parts of her body: eyes, nose, mouth, ear, teeth, foot. She’s learning to imitate animal sounds, like “moo” or “baa”. She says "hot" when her food is warm, "bike" if she wants Daddy to take her for a ride, “down” when she wants out of her high chair or stroller, and "poo-poo" if she wants a diaper change. Although that signals that she's getting close to potty-training readiness, the fact that she doesn't recognize the sensation until after the fact tells me she needs a bit more time. And to be frank, I just don't have the energy (or stomach) to be consistent or deal with accidents right now. I don't want to start too early anyway, because it takes longer if they're not quite ready, and the frustration can give them a negative attitude towards the potty that can make it even more difficult.

Baby Bump

Though I've been unable to fit into my normal jeans from day one, I officially starting showing at around nine weeks. That's an interesting development, considering that with my last pregnancy, no one could tell I was pregnant until around 5 months. I went to the OB a couple weeks ago for my first check-up and to get my anti-nausea prescription renewed. They gave me my first ultrasound, and the baby was wide awake, dancing and waving its arms and legs. It was an encouraging sight, considering how sick I've been. The doctor casually mentioned that they often suspect twins in cases where the morning sickness is so bad, especially when it was milder during a previous pregnancy, but thank goodness only one baby was to be found. I don't think I could handle twins, plus a toddler! It's already dawning on me that soon I'll have a two-year-old and a newborn on my hands. Yikes! They told me that the baby's size indicated that I was 12 weeks along instead of 11 like I thought, and moved up my due date from August 4th to July 28th.

Midwife

I've decided that this time around I want to have a waterbirth at home, so I've hired a local midwife and have been seeing her for check-ups. With Eva's birth I was able to deliver naturally with no complications, but the way I had to fight the hospital to get the birth I wanted showed me that they’d never fully support an unmedicated birth. I can't tell my OB, because if they find out I'm seeing a midwife they won't see me. Something to do with their liability insurance, which to me is ridiculous, but there you have it. Everyone has to be more concerned with covering their backsides these days than what is best for the patient. So I keep my mouth shut and see them both. My midwife wasn't too thrilled about my taking a prescription drug for my nausea, but she understands how desperate a situation it's been for me, and gives me B-vitamin shots to help ease the residual nausea. It's helped a lot, though not enough to drop the medication.

1/6/07 - Christmas 2006

Christmas was better than I expected, considering how nauseated I’ve been. We went to Grandma's house and my Aunt Gayle cooked a fantastic Christmas dinner, (dare I say it), even better than Grandma's. This was our first Christmas without my grandparents, and we missed having them there, but it was still enjoyable. Grandma used to be always stressed and barking at people during the holidays because she was a perfectionist and wanted everything to be perfect, so we were laughing about how we were doing everything differently (i.e. “wrong”) and how she would roll over in her grave if she could see us now. I stayed out of the kitchen mostly because the smells made me sick, but had a good time anyway. Aunt Gayle gave Eva a cabbage patch doll that she carried around and played with all day, shouting "baby!" and showing it to everyone.

Life On A Treadmill

Since I've been taking the Zofran medication every morning, I've been throwing up a lot less, but I still spend most of the day mildly queasy. Nothing sounds or tastes good, but I have to eat every hour, nonetheless. It's either that, or get sick. At night I try to eat a high-protein snack to keep me full for awhile, and every morning Dave brings me breakfast in bed: a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with peppermint tea. I eat and take my pill about half an hour before getting up, which helps keep me from getting nauseated. Then I spend the rest of the day trying to stave off hunger and nausea. It's very wearing on my energy and spirits. Life has become an exercise in survival and monotony, and it gets depressing at times. I live like a hermit in our house, unable to enjoy food, getting out of the house, hanging out with friends...just life. Even a simple pleasure like a shower has become a chore, because it's often so draining I have to lay down to recover afterwards.

I've been calling my parents nearly every day the past few weeks, for the comfort of feeling closer to my family. I find myself much more ambivelant towards this pregnancy than my last, and have no interest in reading all about the pregnancy and baby like last time. My mom says that's just because it's not a novelty anymore, which I hope is true. I hate to think that I'm allowing my sickness to affect my attitude towards this baby. To make matters worse, I constantly see all that needs to be done around the house, with no energy to do it. I avoid certain rooms in the house, like the garage, because I don't like the smell. I can't stand the smell of my car or the food in our fridge, either. I get carsick even when I drive. I find it extremely difficult to cook anything. I even ordered groceries online and had them delivered because the smell of the grocery store makes me so nauseous. I feel so badly for Dave, constantly coming home to leftovers, a dirty house, a needy toddler, and a sick wife. If ever there was a true test of a husband's love and patience, this is it.

Husband of the Year

Since I've been sick so much, David has had to pick up some of my slack. Running to the store, picking up dinner, cleaning around the house, and putting Eva to bed. The last one has been quite a change because up until now, I always nursed her before bed. It only took her a week to decide that she preferred Daddy's method of reading to her and then rocking her to sleep. The last time I felt well enough to put her to bed, she started crying for "Dada!" When he came in, she grabbed onto him for dear life, then turned and waved to me, saying "Bye!" It was really cute. I don't know what I'd do without Dave. He's been so patient and understanding and helpful through all this, it's made me fall in love with him all the more.

New Year's Eve weekend was the perfect example. I wanted to enjoy the time he was home as a family and suggested a drive to the beach on Saturday. It was nice to finally get out of the house, but I got so car sick on the way home it ruined the evening, and I was sick all the next day, New Year's Eve. I went to bed at 9pm, hoping tomorrow would be better, but woke up on New Year's Day to throw up my breakfast and spend the rest of the day watching the Rose Parade and football on the couch, trying to keep food down. What a way to start the year. But Dave was my strong tower. He fed, bathed, and dressed Eva, put her down for naps, took her with him to run errands, drove to a restaurant to pick me up a take-out dinner, and was an all-around saint. He says it's been a blessing in disguise, because it's given him a lot more interaction with Eva, and helped him to appreciate all the work I did before the nausea KO'd me. He's a fantastic father, and Eva adores him. I love to see how she responds to him. He bought a little trailer that attaches to his bike so he can tow her around, and she loves riding in it. The other night he was reading her Dr. Suess' "Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?" and making the sounds for her, and she'd try to copy them, saying "moo" and "buzz". She's also learned to say "please" when she wants something (though it sounds like "peas"), which is absolutely adorable.