3/31/08 - Family Visit

My family came down to visit for the last few days of Spring Break, which was nice.  Grandma and Grandpa, Aunt Barocha (15) and Uncle Caleb (13), two exchange students, and the family dog (a little ankle-biter named Mocha).  I had been telling Eva for the past couple days that they were coming, and she woke up from her nap that afternoon asking, “where Grandma?”  She didn’t have much longer to wait.  Little Eva is always a little intimidated when Mocha greets her excitedly by jumping and licking her, but after he mellows out, she enjoys playing with him and sternly bossing him around (“Mocha, hush!”). Our cat, Rebel, hid out in the garage at first, and then tried the warmer hiding spot under our bed.  The dog found him around the second day, barking his little head off, but as soon as Rebel figured out he wasn’t going to do much more, he felt more comfortable roaming freely and stare the dog down with an occasional hiss. 

 

We were hoping to get out and see a few of the sights, like Multnomah Falls and Old Town Troutdale, but the weather just wouldn’t cooperate.  The morning after they came it snowed, then melted into slush.  Then came rain, sleet, and a patch of sunshine followed by hail and thunder.  Cabin fever finally drove us to the closest indoor mall for some window shopping and gourmet chocolate.  Later, my Dad and the kids played board games and watched the girls, while Mom and I went by ourselves to the outlet mall to browse the kitchen gadget stores - the first child-free excursion I’ve had in weeks (apart from grocery shopping).  And we took them on a tour at Dave’s work, since they’d never seen the building. 

Date Night

On Saturday evening, Dave and I took advantage of the opportunity to go off on a date while the Grandparents babysat.  We had to wait until Amanda finally fell asleep at 11pm to escape, but it was worth it. I can’t remember the last time we were able to get away as a couple. It was only for an hour, but it was very refreshing.  I only hope Amanda is able to relax enough to allow someone else to watch her so we can do this more often. It took her a day to warm up to the grandparents this time, and though she’d let them hold her for a few minutes, she’d start crying the second she spotted my face or realized I was gone.  I’d say “let her cry, so long as someone is holding and comforting her,” but it just gets more shrill and intense over time, and I don’t wish that on anyone. 

Bon Apetit!

For years, different members of my family have been struggling with food allergies that have gotten worse over time.  I’m supposed to avoid dairy (though I cheat all the time), but my reactions are no worse than a stuffy, runny nose that can cause a sore throat if I overdo it.  Their symptoms were far more severe (especially my mom and littlest brother), and dairy was just the first taboo item.  Wheat (gluten), and eggs were the other big culprits, as were peanuts, almonds, garlic, etc.  My mom is a great cook, and it was very hard to give up so many foods they loved. Their diet was very restrictive and required a lot of planning ahead whenever away from home. 

But for the past several months, they’ve been undergoing NAET treatments, and it appears to be working.  Basically, they expose you to your allergen, while using acupuncture to short-circuit the electrical impulses that cause your body’s immune system to trigger an allergic reaction.  After awhile, your body is retrained not to react at all.  For the first time in years, my family has been able to eat with no restrictions, and no adverse reactions.  They’re able to enjoy normal things like ice cream and pizza again.  It’s a huge load off their shoulders.  I’m thinking of trying it to eliminate my dairy sensitivity.  It would be so nice to be able to enjoy a bowl full of real ice cream (not soy) without worrying about waking up with a sore throat and runny nose the next morning. 

3/27/08 - Spring Fever

It’s spring break, but someone forgot to tell the weather man.  We’ve had rain, hail and icy winds all week.  Students have been going skiing in the fresh powder on Mt. Hood, instead of basking on the beach wearing bathing suits.  On one rare sunny afternoon, I bundled the girls up (the wind was still freezing) and let Eva run around in the backyard.  The neighborhood dogs on either side came out to say hello and bark at each other.  One is an older golden retriever who quietly pressed herself against the fence in the hopes that we would pet her.  I cautiously let her sniff our hands, then let Eva go ahead and pet her through the fence.  She made an instant new friend!  I wish we knew the dog’s name.  There are five neighbors whose backyard fences run alongside our yard, but we’ve only met the two on either side on our street.  The three behind us rarely come out where we can see them, so we still don’t know the people living there.

Little Perfectionist

Amanda is apparently getting tired of being the closest to the ground of everyone in the house, and has learned to prop herself up on one knee.  Sometimes she bounces as if she’s about to stand up on both feet.  Dave thinks it means she’ll be walking sooner.  She’s also proved the old theory that no matter how elaborate a toy collection is available, nothing is as fascinating to a baby as a cardboard box, a paper plate, a pinch of carpet fuzz, or the grubby sneakers someone just kicked off at the door. 

 

As her abilities grow, Eva is showing how particular she really is.  When she goes down for her nap, she gets really upset if we try to cover her up.  She wants to arrange her blanket just the way she wants it.  At the table, she wants her chair an exact distance from her plate. If we try to push her closer (to avoid food in her lap), she protests.  When Dave disappears into the garage to tinker, Eva watches him through the cat door.  Sometimes she sticks her head through (a big no-no), and if she hears one of his power tools rev up, she starts yelling with concern, “Careful, Daddy! Careful!”

 

Her favorite phrase right now is “See ya yater!”, and she’ll say it to strangers we pass by, or just to me when she’s going into another room to play.  It’s clear she understands more than she can express, because she imitates us in her play in ways that are really funny.  She’ll bring a book to Amanda and start “reading” to her when she hears her wake and start crying in her crib.  Amanda actually enjoys the attention, and will watch with interest as Eva turns the pages and ad-libs her way through her favorite stories.  Whenever she sees me feeding Amanda, she declares “my turn!” and tries to subtly nudge me out of my chair.

 

That battle of wills is getting stronger, too.  Once when I told her to sit down and eat dinner, she yelled “no!” defiantly in my face, and I put her in time-out. “You don’t tell Mommy no,” I said. “You obey Mommy.”  A couple minutes later I let her up and told her, “say “sorry, Mommy””.   She complied, and ate her dinner.  Later, I saw her take her stuffed bear and put him in “time-out”.  “No tell Mommy ‘no!’”, she chided.  Then she picked him up and said, “I sorry, Mommy.  Eva obey!” 

Happy Easter

The Saturday before Easter was bright and sunny, and Dave’s building had an open house with an Easter egg hunt for the kids in the center courtyard.  By this time Eva had a pretty good idea of what to do, and filled her basket like an expert.  She knew exactly what was in those plastic eggs, because I heard her saying, “Yay, chocwate!” every time she picked one up.  Truly her chocoholic mother’s daughter!  LOL!   Some of the residents have a view of the courtyard from their apartments, and they really enjoyed the spectacle, waving from their windows at the kids running around.

 

Later we went to Home Depot for a little research for our home improvement budget, and found four of the cabinets that we wanted on discount.  Three were damaged (nothing Dave can’t repair), and one was open-box.  All together they would have cost almost $800, but we loaded them into Dave’s truck for under $400.  We just storing them until we can buy the last base cabinet and countertop, and then we’ll have half our kitchen already!  I think Dave is more motivated now, since Rebel found an old cat stain under the sink and decided to mark it for himself.  Dave tried to clean it with Pine Sol, but it still stinks.  We can’t wait to get rid of those disgusting, cramped cabinets! 

 

Easter Sunday was cold and rainy as predicted, so we hid eggs for Eva around the house instead of the backyard.  Three Easter egg hunts in as many days!  She got Dora stickers and tattoos, which were a big hit, and both the girls got adorable little bunny ears.  We opened cards from the Grandparents, and enjoyed waffles for breakfast.  Dave’s idea of relaxing on his day off (even a holiday) is to tackle a project, so he hung more pictures and wall sconces, and stained the carpet trim to put in the doorways.  We finally got our portraits back, and they’re so cute!

Growing Pains

At 8 months old, Amanda is growing like a weed.  So I had to bring out all of the size 12-month clothes yesterday, and put away the 9 months outfits.  As I unfolded all of Eva’s old clothes and put them in Amanda’s drawer, I recalled my favorite pictures of Eva in those outfits, and how adorable she was at that size.  Why do they have to grow so fast?  As I recall, Eva was a couple months younger when she wore these outfits, because she got so big so fast.  Of course, Amanda isn’t as chubby as Eva was, so these clothes are considerably less tight in the waist.  They actually fit better! 

 

She’s crawling a lot faster now, and will try to chase after Eva or I as we walk around the house.  She likes to grab Eva’s snacks, too.  Although she’s pretty good at getting a hold of cheerios or a Teddy Graham, she’s lucky to get half of them actually into her mouth.  Most of them end up soggy and smeared down her front.  Ah, the joys of babyhood!  J

On With The Fight

I didn’t receive any paperwork from our former apartments confirming our account was cleared, so I called to verify, and was told that although they would waive all the bogus charges, they were going to keep our security deposit.  Granted, our Move-Out Condition form had noted only the same carpet stains that had been recorded when we moved in, plus a note confirming that we had shampooed the carpet ourselves.  But they still insisted that additional cleaning was needed (no documentation or specifics required), and they had a right to keep our deposit.  I’ve been going back and forth with them for two weeks, asking for them to provide some proof of damage that we caused to that apartment beyond normal wear and tear, or show me where in the lease it specifies that we are responsible for paying for professional cleaning services, regardless of how well we cleaned when we left.  Of course it’s not in the lease, but it’s “implied”, and they won’t budge.

 

The apartment manager told me, “I agree with you, but my hands are tied.  It’s corporate’s decision.”  When I asked for the number to the corporate office, she claimed she wasn’t allowed to give that out.  “So, you can’t play ball with me, but I’m not allowed to contact anyone who can?”  I asked.  “That’s just the way it is,” she said.   Well, I called in a free mediator from the city, but unfortunately, that got us nowhere fast.   I remembered a pre-paid legal service that our realtor had mentioned to me, so I called the representative and signed up, and then contacted the appropriate law firm today.  The lawyer asked me to fax over all documentation that I have, and he’ll write a letter for us. 

 

I also contacted a couple local newspapers, and a reporter called me back within hours, saying she had been writing a series of articles about unscrupulous apartment companies for the past several years, and was working on another one for next month. She wanted a copy of the extortion letter they sent us, our letters of complaint and photos, and possibly an interview.  Apparently there have been so many complaints in our city the past couple years, they approved a commission to investigate it, but it hasn’t gotten off the ground yet.  I told her I’d be happy to help in any way I could. 

 

Why all this fight over $100?  Is it worth it?  Not for the money, no.  But for every tenant living in their slums who barely speaks English and doesn’t know their rights, it’s worth it.  For every poor person they think they can get away with extorting because they don’t have the money to call a lawyer, it’s worth it.  If I can help hold them accountable for the despicable way they treat decent people, and help prevent it from happening to others, it’s worth it. 

3/21/08 - Easter Fun

A bunch of the moms from our small group got together this morning for an Easter-themed play date.  I baked cupcakes and brought icing, candies and sprinkles for each of the kids to decorate their own.  Another mom brought foam stickers for the kids to decorate paper bags to use for our Easter egg hunt.  After lunch, we read the Easter story from a couple of cute board books, then headed out to the park next door to hunt for eggs.  Eva was shy at first, but soon was running intently around the trees and playground, yelling “find eggs!” 

 

Since they were apparently flooded with visitors last year, our church has asked regular attendees to come on Saturday night, so there’s more room for visitors on Sunday morning (they’ve added an extra service, too).  Evening is a pain for us, so I think we’ll pass, but maybe we’ll check out another church on Sunday.  It is Easter, after all, and as long as we worship the same Risen Lord, that’s all that really matters.  I’ve got the stuff to make baskets and have an egg hunt of our own in the backyard, too.  I don’t think it will be warm enough to wear their dresses, but that’s OK. They can still wear them another time.  Eva’s dress is a size 3T, since she’s outgrowing her 2T tops already.  The 2T pants still fit, though (3T pants are too long). 

Starting to Bloom

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Signs of spring are slowly starting to emerge around us.  Most trees are still barren, but there are a few gorgeous flowering ones with pink or white blossoms that I see around town (I’d love to get a picture, but that would involve pulling over on a busy city street).  I looked them up online and I think they’re Japanese cherry trees, because they’re supposedly the first to bloom in spring, and don’t get leaves until after the flowers.  There’s also one bush blooming with delicate white flowers in our backyard.  I’m not sure what it is, but I’ll bet somebody could tell me from the picture.  The bushes in our front yard are prickly and ugly, I think, especially the big one. It reminds me of a hairy tarantula.  Still, it gives us some privacy from the street, so it won’t be going anywhere for awhile. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Living in a climate where the seasons are much more distinct is still pretty new to me.  I’ve never looked so forward to spring before.  It’s still in the 30’s at night and 50’s during the day, and the rainy season won’t be over for at least another couple months.  I don’t even bother with an umbrella anymore.  Unless each little person can carry their own, it’s useless.  I do my best not to run errands with the kids when it’s raining.  And I’m really starting to appreciate the perk of not having to pump my own gas, especially when it’s cold and wet.  Having no sales tax is nice, too, although the state more than makes up for it with their steep income tax.  One thing I still haven’t gotten used to is having to dial the area code every time I call someone, even down the street.  In California we never had to include the area code, if the number you were calling had the same area code as your phone.  I don’t know if it’s all over Oregon, but it’s weird anyhow. 

 

Spring Cleaning

We did all our Spring Cleaning before moving in, but the real challenge is sorting through all the stuff we’ve unpacked.  After going for six months without some things, we realized we didn’t miss a lot of it.  We’re in a smaller house now, so it’s time to downsize!  I’ve sold a few things on Craigslist already, and the rest we plan to dispose of in a garage sale.  Last weekend Dave replaced all of the old, faulty light switches, plugs and switch plates (for some, appliance plugs would just fall right out of them, and wouldn’t stay in).  He’s also finished most of the baseboard, installed a cat door for Rebel, and built shelves in the garage for more storage.  We still need to sand down and paint all the doors (they got spackle and paint drops on them), and replace the doorknobs.  We need to decide what color to paint the kitchen, too.  Originally it was all a very dark olive green that sucked all the light out the room, and we started to paint it beige like the living room.  But beige walls with white cabinets was just too bland, so we stopped halfway.  One accent wall is still the original green (and I’ve gotten lots of compliments on it, although it was the previous owners who painted it).  Now I’ve got a half-and-half kitchen, and I’m not sure where to go from here. 

Financial Peace University

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Eva Feeding Amanda

Eva decided she wanted to try feeding Amanda her baby food, and it was soo cute! :)

3/18/08 - The World At Her Feet

Now that she can crawl, Amanda can get into almost anything that interests her. She’s started pulling on drawers and grabbing at the letter magnets on the fridge, which her big sister had carefully arranged by color.  This is rather unsettling to Eva, who has been used to playing with her toys without much interference from Amanda.  Now little sister can crawl over to explore whatever she is playing with (and try to take it from her), and Eva is getting a little possessive.  I don’t let Amanda take toys from her, but it’s harder to convince Eva not to take toys away from Amanda.  Either she fears little sister will hurt the toy in some way, or she doesn’t want her to put it into her mouth, or she’s simply convinced it’s hers, and doesn’t want Amanda anywhere near it.  Whatever the reason, sharing is a very difficult concept for toddlers to grasp, and even harder to practice. 

Open Wide

Eva is fascinated by the way we feed Amanda baby food.  Whenever she sees me put Amanda in the high chair, she immediately pushes another chair in front of it for her to climb up on, and declares, “My turn, Mommy!”  She carefully dips the spoon in the food and aim’s it at sister’s face, saying “Ahhh!” with an open mouth, just like Mommy.  Amanda opens wide and eagerly leans forward like a baby bird, reaching for the spoon. It’s so cute to watch!  Sometimes Eva pushes the spoon too far and gags her, or simply leaves the spoon in her mouth so Amanda chews on it, but all in all, she does a pretty good job.  When food starts dribbling down Amanda’s chin, Eva yells, “Uh, oh, mouth!” and laughs hysterically while trying to wipe sister’s face with a napkin.  If she drips, Eva tries to clean up “mess” with the same napkin.  Toddler hygiene isn’t the greatest, but at least she’s getting the idea.  J 

Northwest Living

We’re discovering that home ownership in the Northwest factors in entirely different issues than home ownership in Southern California.  We’ve noticed from the beginning that the heat never made it to the back bedrooms, and called our home warranty company about it.  They sent out a technician, who told us the problem was that the gas heater was in the garage, and the metal ventilation system under the house wasn’t insulated.  The cold metal would cool down the hot air, and by the time it got to the back of the house, it was cool air.  Unfortunately, home warranties don’t cover items that were never there to begin with, so if we want an efficient heating system, Dave is going to have to buy insulation, crawl under the house and do it himself.  With spring right around the corner, we might postpone it until fall, and use the money to put up a fence instead.  It’s important to make sure nobody can just wander into our back yard, or kids wander out of it.

 

Aside from the cold, the constant high humidity makes the northwest a perfect breeding ground for mold, mildew and moss.  Anything left in the shade or not properly ventilated can be affected.  Newer roof tiles contain galvanized steel strips to keep the moss from growing, while older roofs are covered with green.  I worry about storing mementos in the garage, for fear that they’ll absorb the damp air and possibly mildew.  Right now all the stores are selling a liquid cleaner which helps to remove the slimy green growth off of your sidewalks, house siding, etc.  On sunny days, we have another precaution.  Because the sun hangs lower in the sky in the middle of the day (rather than directly overhead), it beams strongly through the windows, fading fabric or pictures.  We had to be careful where we hung our photos, even in the hallway. 

Real Estate Flipping

Rating:	★★★★★
Category:	Other

Dave and I rarely fight over the remote, because we both love to watch shows about turning real estate for a profit. Maybe we’re living vicariously through other people, but we sure have learned a lot!

PROPERTY LADDER
The subtitle for this TLC show should be: “Darwin Awards meet Murphy’s Laws”. All the flippers are inexperienced and starry-eyed, underestimating the time frame and budget by at least half. The hostess, Kirsten, tries to give them a reality check and tips on how to get the best return on their money, but most of them have thrown out her advice before she’s even out the door. Rookie mistakes are endless (and sometimes laughable): neglecting to get permits, using friends as contractors, trying to live in the flip (or going on vacation halfway through), taking shortcuts that cost them more in the long run, making odd, highly personalized color and style choices (lime green paint with leopard-print carpet???). Most of them get nailed with serious expenses they weren’t counting on, like dry rot or plumbing issues (don’t they get inspections before they buy?). Real estate was still hot in the early seasons, so even the most reckless were likely to walk away with a profit, but now these gamblers are lucky to walk away with their shirts. After blowing their budgets and timelines, some of them are stuck having to move in or rent it out. Yep, warning to us all: inexperienced flippers, beware!

FLIP THAT HOUSE
This series has a warning at the beginning that states: “The following program features real people taking risks with real money. Flip at your own risk.” As if these shows by themselves weren’t enough of a warning! This is another TLC gem, except that these people largely know what they’re doing. Most of them are doing it on the side, although a few are making a living at it. There’s no host to offer sage advice, but the majority don’t seem to need it, anyway. They’ve already done their research and know what things cost, they have a more realistic budget and timeline, they have experienced contractors already lined up, and all permits and inspections are in place. They pick neighborhoods that they are already familiar with, and know how much they can list for if they add certain amenities. They stick to neutral colors and features that appeal to the broadest number of buyers. Not that everything goes smoothly, though. There’s always the unexpected problem or repair they hadn’t factored in, and that keeps it interesting. I’m always amazed to see how much of a difference can be made with a little paint and flooring, and how the shabbiest shack can be transformed into a pleasant home with a little skill and ingenuity. It’s also interesting to see the updates and find out exactly how much of a return they got on their investment.

FLIP THIS HOUSE
Not to be confused with “Flip That House” on TLC, this A&E series is a real treat. It regularly follows the same teams of professional real estate investors (flippers). There are four teams, but our favorites are San Antonio, TX and New Haven, CT. Armando (TX) is a typical type “A” personality whose company flips around 200 houses a year. His typical renovation budget is $40K, and he can flip a house in anywhere from 4 weeks to 5 days! His wife Veronica is a designer, so they occasionally butt heads on where to spend the money. He has a regular group of contractors that he uses, but he always wants twice the work for half the price, and his “take no prisoners” attitude has caused more than one contractor to walk off the job. I guess you have to be a little psycho to succeed in this business, because he always makes a profit, and has exploded his company in the past 5 years. The Esajian brothers in CT work as part of the same team, but they add a competitive element of sibling rivalry. One episode had the two of them each flipping a house on either side of the street, trying to see who could get on the market first and make the biggest profit. These people all have decades of collective experience between them, and there’s a lot you can learn about real estate investing.

Portraits

My favorite little girls in their Easter dresses! :)

3/14/08 - Moving Along

Amanda’s started crawling!  After so many weeks of struggling to get one knee in front of the other, she’s finally figured out how to crawl forward.  It’s slow going, since it’s such a new skill, but it won’t be long before she’s zipping across the floor.  J   I’m excited for her, but a little sad, too.  Another facet of babyhood is behind her, already.  It goes so fast!  This time around I’m much more aware of how little time we have to enjoy them as babies, so I’m not as eager to see her move on to the next stage as I was with Eva. 

 

We’ve only really started feeding her solids on a regular basis this past week (having an actual high chair helps a lot), and today I scattered a few rice crispies onto her tray so she could try to feed herself.  She’d grab them with her eager little fists, but managed to get only one or two into her mouth (and then promptly pushed them back out with her tongue – hasn’t quite gotten the swallowing reflex down yet).  Eva, of course, wants to try everything that Amanda gets, so she wanted her own serving of rice crispies to eat.  She also insisted on being served some of Amanda’s pureed pears, though she lost interest after two bites.

 

Another reason I haven’t been in a hurry to introduce solid foods is because it takes their little digestive system time to adjust.  Amanda had me a worried this week when she went two days without a dirty diaper, but then she made up for it with a big stinker on the third day.  So long to those blessed, odor-free diaper days!  I’m gonna miss the other benefits of nursing exclusively, too.  Besides the sweet bonding time, it burns 400 calories a day without breaking a sweat, gives me the best profile I’m ever gonna have, and keeps me period-free.  If someone could package that into a convenient little potion that didn’t require lactation, I’d buy it in an instant!  J 

Sleepless Nights

It’s nice to have everyone relatively healthy again, but the last few nights we’ve had problems with both the girls waking up.  That’s really unusual for Eva, who normally sleeps soundly until at least 7, but lately she’s been waking up crying at 4am, telling Dave “wake” and asking for oatmeal or “Dora”, because she wants to get up.   He’ll drag a blanket into her room and lay down on the floor to try and encourage her to sleep, but it doesn’t always work.  Once he finally took her into the living room and rocked her as he watched a movie.  The distraction must have helped, because she fell asleep within 10 minutes.  It seemed suspiciously like teething behavior to me, so I finally checked Eva’s gums today, and sure enough, those molars that have been half-way for months are trying to break through the rest of the way now.

 

Amanda hasn’t adjusted well to her crib, even for naps during the day.  I usually nurse her to sleep (it relaxes both of us, and has been reassuring for her with all the crazy changes going on).  It’s a real trick to get her into a deep enough sleep so that she won’t wake when I lay her down.  If I do it too soon, she wakes up and I have to start over, and if I wait too long, she wakes refreshed and won’t go back to sleep.  At night she’ll sleep in her crib until about midnight, when she wakes for her first feeding.  I usually bring her to bed and fall asleep nursing, and she doesn’t wake to feed again until about 4.  Usually she just latches on and goes straight back to sleep, but the last couple nights she keeps tossing and turnings, latching on and pulling off, as if she can’t get comfortable.  I think her gums are sore again, since that first tooth insists on taking its tortuous sweet time.  Nothing a little Tylenol can’t fix, if I can drag myself out of bed to give it, and then get back to sleep.  I actually enjoy cuddling with Amanda at night, and I miss her when she’s not there, so I guess that means neither of us is really ready to give up co-sleeping.  I remember how much trouble Eva had sleeping in the weeks preceding major milestones like crawling, and we had already given up co-sleeping by then.

 

Dave is a light sleeper to begin with, and all these disturbances are wreaking havoc with his sleep.  Once something wakes him up, he’s up for good.  He has to go watch a movie to help him get back to sleep, or else he starts thinking about work and ends up even more wide awake.  Sometimes he takes advantage of the sleep interruption to check on the noc shift or just go into work early, since he’s up anyway.  Because of the lack of sleep the last couple nights, he ends up crashing around 9pm on the recliner, or in Eva’s room when he lays down and reads to her before bed.  All I can do then is cover him up with a blanket, because moving him at that point would mean he’d be up for hours. 

My Two Cents

So, I realize that a lot of my blog posts have been awfully spit-fire lately, and I want to apologize if that has offended anyone.  I admit that I’m a pretty opinionated individual, and for people who don’t know me (and some who do), that’s a real turn-off.  Usually I save my opinions for message boards where people like to debate the issues, it’s all in good fun, you stick to the facts, and nobody takes it personally.  I don’t mind debating strangers, because you can be frank and learn from one another without risking hurt feelings.  Relationships are far more important to me than being right, and I realize I’ve still got a lot to learn, though my demeanor doesn’t always show it.  I’ve unintentionally hurt people over the years because I often express myself so strongly it comes across as arrogant, and intimidates people when I really mean no harm.  They don’t understand that I’m really just thinking out loud, not trying to convince them of anything, and honestly don’t care if they disagree. 

 

I love to research and learn, and part of the way I do that is throwing ideas out there for discussion.  Frankly, I like surrounding myself with people who think differently because it keeps things healthfully in perspective, rather than staying in a bubble with like-minded people.  Anyway, a blog may not always be the best venue for opinionated posts, but since these recent issues so closely relate to motherhood and parenting (the theme of my blog), I decided to include them.  Again, I’m sorry if I came on too strong. I’m not out to change anybody’s mind on these issues (I promise!), just express my own.  It’s amazing to me that anybody even cares to read any of this, and if you’ve gotten this far, I love and appreciate you for putting up with me!  J  (And if it’s only been for the sake of getting closer to our favorite little girls, I understand completely!)  LOL! 

3/12/08 - Picture Perfect

Dave started hanging pictures this week, asking me where I wanted them.  As we unpacked all of Eva’s portraits, I realized that we have no professional portraits of Amanda at all, apart from the one of our whole family we took in January.  By this age, Eva had had two already!  I had sworn I’d do the same thing for any additional children, but of course it got sidelined with moving and everything.  Well, enough procrastinating.  They’re only this little once!  So this morning, I took the girls to JC Penney at the mall (the first time I’ve driven on a freeway since Christmas.  That’s a weird reality for a former Californian!).  I’d bought them adorable matching Easter dresses, but waited until we were at the Portrait Studio to put them on.  They’re the exact same pattern and style, and the only difference is that Eva’s is yellow with pink and white flowers, and Amanda’s is pink with yellow and white flowers. 

The photographers were great.  Amanda didn’t have a meltdown with so many strangers trying to interact with her, which was a relief, but it was nearly impossible to get her to smile.  She just sat there with a studious look on her face, so serious!  Eva’s at the age that if you ask her to smile, you get a canned grin that’s almost scary looking.  It takes a lot of skill to get good poses from little ones. Those ladies have so much energy and patience, I don’t know how they do it.  It’s going to be a few weeks before we get the pictures back, but I’m so excited to see them! 

Miss Independent

The weather was warm enough this morning to ditch the heavy coats in favor of light sweatshirts.  Eva wanted to put hers on all by herself, with no help.  She surprises me every day in little ways that show what a big girl she’s getting to be.  She doesn’t want me to help her do anything that she can do by herself, like put on her socks.  At the mall, she climbed into the front of the stroller and buckled herself in, and tried to entertain Amanda when she started fussing.  She got up into the chair and ate Chinese food with a “big person” fork, and even tried chopsticks!   At home when I asked her to pick up her wooden toy tools and put them back in the toolbox, she picked the flat wooden pieces first, then the tools, then the toy screws, because otherwise they won’t all fit.  I wonder, did she do that because that’s how she sees me doing it, or because she’s just meticulous that way?  Only time will tell.

She’s really blossomed into her role as a big sister, too. As Eva walked alongside the stroller today, Amanda reached over the edge as far as she could and grabbed a handful of her hair.  Eva just gently pulled back and said, “No pull hair, Amanda!”, and kept walking.  She loves to come over and give Amanda hugs and kisses, show her toys and how to play with them.  Of course, I still hear “no, Amanda!”, and Eva taking a toy away when little sister isn’t doing it right (trying to teethe on it, no doubt), but for the most part, she’s pretty patient.  Maybe that’s Eva’s meticulous side coming out again – that there’s a “right” and “wrong” way to play with toys.  Oh, boy, I can see this how could get to be a challenge as she gets older.  Good thing she has a pretty laid back Daddy whom she adores, who can teach her that things don’t always need to be perfect. 

Criminalizing Homeschooling

I read this afternoon that a California court has effectively declared home schooling to be illegal.  In order to be qualified to teach your kids at home, the justice opinion says, you must have a teaching credential.  I'm sorry, but they've really overstepped their bounds on this one. Call me a rank-and-file capitalist, but this reeks of an inferior product that can’t stand the heat of competition.  If the government was actually capable of producing a high quality service that parents wanted for their children, we might not be having this discussion.  Honestly?  As incompetent as government-run bureaucracies are, it’s absolutely asinine to claim that they’re the only ones capable of educating children (do government employees even know how to spell “asinine”?). 

Regardless of personal feelings on this hot-button issue, does the government honestly think they have the right to dictate to parents what form of education best suits their children?  Being a product of public schooling, private schooling, and home schooling combined (including some overseas), I am grateful for a more well-rounded education than most in America can hope for.  As a couple, we still have not decided which educational avenue we are personally going to take with our kids (a lot of that will depend on where we are in 3 years).  We’re weighing our options, but I resent the government thinking they can eliminate legitimate choices and make that decision for us.  “A constitutional right for parents to educate their children is not found in the Bill of Rights,” they reason.  Well, neither is the right to parent, but I guess the Founding Fathers considered some things too obvious to require mention.  Oh, wait, we’re talking about lawyers (and judges, who are basically glorified lawyers)!  Sorry, my mistake.  If it’s not in writing, common sense doesn’t apply.  I may not have a teaching credential, but I reserve the right to educate my children as I see fit, and no elitist group of inept politicians is going to take that basic parental right away.  So there!  (Whew! That’s my momma-bear tirade for the day. I dare them to proofread it!)

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1720697,00.html?iid=sphere-inline-bottom

http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=28644

3/11/08 - Getting Better

The pile of boxes in the garage is considerably smaller now, which is encouraging.  I spent most of the day finishing up the playroom for the girls, and they’re really enjoying it now that all the boxes are gone and there’s more space.  I sat on the floor and played with them for a couple hours today to make sure they got plenty of hugs and attention, and it’s clear they’re starting to feel better. 

 

Eva is having a great time playing with toys that have been boxed up for months, and of course they’re all completely new to Amanda.  Most of them are safe for babies, except for the crayons Eva keeps leaving around.  I’ve found Amanda chewing on them more than once, so that’s something we’re trying to teach Eva to keep out of reach.  Her snacks are another choking hazard.  Eva doesn’t understand that Amanda can’t chew cheerios or goldfish crackers yet, and sometimes tries to feed them to her, or drops them on the floor where Amanda can find them.  Amanda has also been having a hard time with bits of fuzz from the new carpet.  I’ve vacuumed repeatedly, but fuzzy threads still appear on our clothes and hair, and Amanda (being so close to the floor) tends to gag on them. 

Squirrels

We’ve got a family of squirrels living in our backyard, and Eva loves to watch them from the window.  She’ll narrate their antics for me: “Gook, Mommy!  ‘quirrels (pronounced “curls”) climb tree!  Uh, oh…fall!” (squirrel jumped onto the ground) “Oh, ‘quirrels running!  One, two!  Two ‘quirrels!”  She gets pretty animated about it.  Yesterday I scattered some bread crumbs onto our patio, trying to coax them closer to the window, but they weren’t going for it.  She stood there calling “C’mere, ‘quirrels! C’mere!”, as if that would encourage them.  J 

Stay-At-Home Motherhood

There’s a new show on TLC called “The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom”, in which women who put their careers on hold to raise their families get to secretly spend a week living the life they might have had if they had not made the choice to stay home.  The kicker comes at the end: they get an offer to go back to work full time, starting immediately, and they have just a few hours to make an agonizing choice of whether or not to sacrifice their dream again.  Sounds like an interesting premise, to be sure, and of course it attracts viewers like wildfire (not to mention getting the bloggers buzzing)!

 

What SAHM wouldn’t want a week away to pursue her passion?  But that’s very different from the real-life struggle of trying to juggle a career and family, day in and day out for years on end.  The participants who decide to go back struggle with how they’re going to meet their new obligations and live with not getting to spend as much time with their kids.  The ones who decide, once again, that their families need them more right now, struggle with the fact that they’ve had to turn their back on their dreams for a second time, as if it wasn’t hard enough the first time. 

 

After watching a couple episodes (I try not to make up my mind until I’ve seen it a few times), the underlying theme seems to be: most Stay-At-Home-Moms are unfulfilled, half the person they were before, and often haunted by the feeling that something is missing.  I’m sure there are a lot of SAHM’s that feel that way, but it concerns me the way the media constantly highlights the sacrifices and the negative, “desperate housewife” syndrome, glossing over the rewards and positive aspects of the job (yes, it IS a job!). 

 

Sure, there are times when I think it would be fun to go back to work, but I realize the grass is always greener.  There were plenty of bad days at work when being a SAHM sounded like the ultimate vacation (can you believe that? LOL!).   I realize that household chores aren’t very glamorous, but I was doing them without kids and I would still be doing them if I worked, so what’s the difference (besides less of a time crunch)?  I might be as bored, frustrated, frazzled or unfulfilled at work as anywhere else, but no career could ever love me back the way my kids do.  I love a sense of accomplishment and achievement as much as anyone else, but is that only possible with a deadline and paycheck? 

 

Who says being a SAHM automatically means giving up your dreams?  A chef could start her own catering business.  A fashion designer could make designer gowns for clients out of her house.  Sure, she may not be dressing celebrities on TV, but she could use her skills to create her own career, without the need for TLC to ride in on a white horse and rescue her from her every-day drudgery.  There are plenty of ways to use our gifts and talents if we’re willing to be creative and think outside the box.  Success is not necessarily what corporate America would define it to be.

 

I confess, “Stay-At-Home-Mom” was not the career choice I had in mind when I was growing up, even though we had the benefit of a mother who did it for us (Masters degree and all), and I admired her for it.  I was never that fond of other people’s kids (I only babysat for the money) and told my Mom for years that “I don’t want kids for a loooong time!”   I’m sure she wondered if I’d ever make her a Grandmother at all.  Part of the reason put it off was because I felt it was important, if at all possible, for kids to have a parent as primary caregiver, especially during those first few years when they’re learning to bond and relate to people, and changing so quickly.  I didn’t want other people spending more time with my kids than I did, and I didn’t want my ambitions to have to compete with family time, so I planned ahead to get my major goals out of the way first.  I still have goals and dreams yet to achieve, and some will have to wait until the kids are older, but they’re not lost forever, and neither am I.  Sometimes “having it all” works out better if you spread it out a little.  Life is about prioritizing: patience is not giving up, and waiting is not giving in. 

As with any job, being a SAHM is what you make it.  I can challenge myself or settle for status quo.  I can choose to find ways to be intellectually stimulated, or I can space out.  I can stay active and involved in the world around me, or become a blob.  It’s all about choices (and workplace or home has nothing to do with it – I knew plenty of “blobs” at work).  Stay-At-Home-Moms are neither “desperate” nor “unfulfilled”, unless we choose to be.  We don’t want pity, and we don’t need to be rescued.  All we need is a little respect for what is truly the most important job in the world: creating a home and haven for our families, and shaping the next generation.