3/31/06 - Weights and Measures

They say when it comes to baby weight, it's nine months up, nine months down. I've certainly found that to be true. When I finally found the courage to weigh myself, it turned out I was 125, which is 5 pounds less than before I got pregnant. Frankly, I find that shocking . I still eat like I did when was pregnant, out-doing Dave every time. He's noticed how portion sizes at dinner have gotten too large for him, while I always polish off my plate. And then I'll get a snack attack within a couple hours. It must be the breastfeeding. They say it burns up to 400 calories a day. That's got to be the primary factor, because the only exercise I get is lugging a 23-pound baby up and down the stairs a million times a day. Our walking group broke up because two of the mothers are too hugely pregnant to chase after their older kids, and the third moved away. While my weight has gone down, my hips certainly haven't. I tried putting on my formerly relaxed-fit size 10 jeans, and they were too snug for my comfort. I guess birth permanently changes your figure in more ways than one. So I'm going to stay in loose size 12's. I don't like form-fitting clothes. They make me feel claustrophobic, not sexy.

Baby Fan Club

All babies have their entourage of admiring fans. But a baby with glasses? Apparently that attracts more groupies than U2. When we go out, I'll watch people's faces as they approach and can instantly tell the moment they see Eva's face. Most break into a smile; some laugh or point or nudge their companion to say, "Look at the baby with the glasses! How cute!" If they look my way, I'll just smile with maternal pride or jokingly tell Eva, "Say 'Thank you'!"

Social Life

I originally thought that when I became a stay-at-home mom, I'd have more opportunities to visit with friends because I wouldn't have to worry about my work schedule. How naïve was I! It's actually been more difficult, because everyone's kids have routines that you mess with at your own peril. Even going out to dinner at a friend’s house is a risk, because if we don’t have Eva back home and in bed between 7:30 and 8pm, she’ll get overtired and cranky, and have trouble sleeping not only that night, but also through the next day’s naps as well. Babies love routine. It makes them feel secure and helps keep their body clock on schedule. Eva's routine has been fairly flexible, but it always included a morning nap, lunch around noon, an afternoon nap, dinner around 5, a bath at 7, storybook, nursing, and bedtime around 7:30.

I never realized until this week how upset babies get when you mess with their routine, especially with their bedtime. I decided to go out to a women's night last Friday and hang out with the ladies from my church. I was enjoying myself when Dave called around 9:30pm to say Eva had been fussing and crying since 8, and still refused to go down. I came home and nursed her, and she finally went to sleep. It was enough to seriously throw off her sleep schedule, though. She's been having trouble going down at bedtime ever since, and it's taken almost a week to get her back on track.

3/22/06 - Eva's Eyes

We took Eva back to the ophthalmologist yesterday, and Dr. Robbins was again surprised by her progress. That's a real answer to prayer, because after our last visit I was fully expecting them to recommend surgery. I had spent all of last week asking people to pray. Dave even came with me this time to get the assessment firsthand. Some might say that I was over-reacting and there wasn't anything to worry about in the first place, but I know her progress is a direct answer to prayer, because whenever we stop praying, her prognosis worsens. And whenever we rally the prayer warriors, her doctor is impressed by her “unusual” improvement. I'm realizing that there's a real spiritual component to this situation, and her vision has truly been under attack, just like we were told in words of knowledge at church several weeks ago. I even had a friend I'd lost touch with suddenly contact me to say that God had given her two dreams that Dave and I were concerned about Eva's health, and she wanted to know how she should pray. Isn't God good? For now Dr. Robbins wants me to continue patching Eva's right eye for an hour a day, and bring her back in another month to check her progress. So please keep praying!

Wired For Sound

Eva had a cold this week, complete with a green runny nose and sticky goop in her eyes, just in time for spring. I knew we couldn't escape the winter season without an encore! She was having trouble sleeping because her nose was stuffed, so a few nights ago I finally gave her some cold medicine around midnight. Big mistake. She was wired enough to light up San Diego, wanting to crawl around and play in the middle of the night. I finally broke down around 2am, after all the nursing, rocking and lullabies I could dish out. I still hadn't gotten a wink of sleep myself and was getting frustrated at the thought of this lasting another two hours before the medicine would wear off. I finally set her back in her crib to give myself a break, and she howled so loudly it woke Dave up. Thankfully he took her downstairs so I could finally get some sleep. She eventually crashed on his chest in the recliner, which I guess was an easier position for her to breathe in than laying down. The rest of the week we stuck to soothing vapor baths, humidifiers, nose drops and Vicks vapor rub. No way am I going through that again! Apparently teething was also a culprit, because I discovered a third tooth breaking through this morning, the first one in her upper jaw.

Where'd My Baby Go?

When people decide to have a baby, that’s really what they've signed up for. Not a sulky teenager or an overactive preschooler. No, what they really want are the pinchable cheeks and chubby thighs, the smell of a freshly bathed newborn nestled against their shoulder, the lullabies and flowers, the cute outfits and stuffed animals and newly designed nursery. In the back of our heads we all know that someday they'll grow up, so then we look forward to baseball games and dance recitals and taking them camping and teaching them to blow bubbles or whistle. You know, be a kid again, right alongside them. But all that seems far away when you're preparing for a baby.

After they arrive, you barely get to enjoy a stage before they move on, or admire them in that cute outfit before they outgrow it. (Take the picture now, before they start bursting out of that onesie faster than the Incredible Hulk!) Right now I'm trying to reconcile myself to the fact that my little baby is rapidly fading away, and a lively toddler is fast appearing in her place. Her cheeks are starting to fit the rest of her face, her legs are slimming down, her curiosity is now unlimited. She's becoming the notoriously restless sleeper all toddler parents dread. And the other day she actually pushed me away when she was cranky, a sure sign of growing independence. Now I'm suddenly being haunted by looming images of mean girls on the playground, pimply boys showing up on our doorstep, high heels and short skirts and back talk. Aaauugh! Somebody stop me! When did I sign up for this?!?

Baby Games

Eva loves to crawl after me wherever I go, exploring and making a game out of any activity. In the living room, she'll play with the newspapers Daddy stacks next to the fireplace as kindling. When I'm in the kitchen, she'll go straight for the bottom drawer and start pulling out all the seasonal baking cups, placemats and candy sprinkles to play with. When we pick her up she likes to grab onto our hair or face and hold on for dear life. She'll pull us into her face as hard as she can and try to bite our cheek or chin. I think it started as a signal that she was hungry, which quickly soon turned into a game. She enjoys watching us squirm and holler, trying to pry open her fingers while she cackles with laughter. I finally found the pressure point in her wrist that releases her iron grip. Who ever thought I'd have to try that on a 9-month old!

Eva's also recently discovered how to pull off her socks. She plays with her feet while she's nursing and managed to take one off the other day. I tried to put it back on with one hand, still supporting her head with the other, and of course started laughing. That's all Eva needed. Now it's a fun game to exploit at every opportunity. And blowing raspberries is making a comeback, this time with considerably more slobber. The other day she was doing it in the shopping cart at Albertsons, blowing spittle in every direction. She even did it in the face of a nice lady who stopped to say how cute she was. You try not to laugh, even though it's so darn cute, because they only see that as encouragement. Eva may not understand the word "no" yet, but the sound of my voice and the look on my face is enough to stop her in her tracks. Now if I can just keep it together and stay serious long enough for her to get the point.

3/14/06 - Crazy Times

The end of our vacation week was busier than we anticipated. Eva hasn't been liking the eye patch routine and keeps trying to take it off. The day after we got back from Big Bear, David had a second interview for a new job as Executive Director of The Regency in Fallbrook. It's a smaller building, closer to home, with a wealthier customer base. They made him an impressive offer, and Dave originally decided to take it. When Emeritus found out they were going to lose him, they countered by matching Regency's offer, plus a bonus plan, to keep him at Villa Del Rey. They told him he was the best Executive Director in the region, and they were sorry it took something like this to get him the raise he deserves.

Dave called the Regency director to tell her that before he could make a final decision, he needed to know whether they would let him hire the people he needed to get the job done, namely, his former marketing director. She refused. She didn't like Katherine, and wouldn't let Dave have her back. To Dave, that was confirmation to stay at Villa Del Rey. Katherine had been the best Marketing Director he’d ever had, and helped him bring the building's occupancy up over 30%. Dave was a bit disappointed, but at least he got a good raise out of it. While this was going on over the phone all weekend, Dave was painting the upstairs guest room. I was doing a Discovery Toys demonstration Friday night and a women's prayer breakfast Saturday morning, taking turns with Dave watching the baby. Then I sprained my left wrist (I have no idea how) and had trouble even lifting her! Talk about crazy! Thankfully things are getting back to normal now.

New Discoveries

To see through the eyes of a baby is to discover a world of wonder. No longer will a basket of toys suffice: there's a whole world out there to explore, and it can and shall be conquered! Eva can sit for hours pulling the bottom drawer of my dresser open and closed a million times, and never get tired of it. She'll study a new face with wrapt attention. She'll inspect a simple object with the meticulous thoroughness of a crime scene investigator, enthralled by the minutest details. I try to let her explore as much as I can without taking things away from her. How else is she going to learn?

It takes a lot of patience and close supervision. Like the other day, when she found a plastic shopping bag in our bedroom. My first impulse was to swipe it away from her, but I stopped myself. I was there to make sure she didn't swallow it or pull it over her face, so I sat by her and let her explore it. How it sounds, tastes and feels. How it crinkles in her hands, bunches up and then expands again. I got so interested watching her and imagining what must be going through her little head, I almost forgot how easy it is to overlook the simple things. Babies appreciate things we've long forgotten. Like a developing sense of humor. Eva laughs at the most unexpected things. The other morning I started tossing and catching a musical toy ball for her so she could hear it chime. She thought that was hysterically funny, holding her breath while I held it in my hand, then bursting out in giggles when I tossed and caught it. Who'd have thought?

In The Field

When I was first looking for a way to earn extra money from home, Discovery Toys was my favorite choice. I love how durable, entertaining, and educational their toys are. I wasn't thrilled with the party concept, but I love helping other mothers find quality toys for their kids. I had a disappointing start. My first two parties had to be cancelled because either Eva or I got sick, and by then everyone I had invited wasn't excited about it anymore. My general manager, Amy, has been very helpful. She's a sweet Christian lady with four children, the youngest only two months behind Eva. She's not pushy in the slightest, reminds me that I am my own boss, and only offers suggestions when asked. I find it refreshing after working for a Ben Bridge Manager who wanted me to come on stronger than I was comfortable with. Lately she's been offering me opportunities that she had to turn down, including all her inventory and display materials.

Last Friday I went to an Open House in Oceanside where this lady had invited several vendors to set up tables in her living room. She had people from Malelueca, Arbonne, and a fashion jewelry company as well as an in-house masseuse. I left Eva with Dave, and when I got there to set up I saw our hostess was wearing a sweatshirt from Brigham Young University. "Well," I thought, "that explains the million-dollar home." By the end of the evening, I realized that everyone there was from the Mormon Church. They all knew each other. I made a stark observation about the way they discussed their faith and their lives. They talked about their families, their responsibilities, their community, "The Church". But they never talked about HIM. To them God was not someone they could know personally, intimately. I'm so grateful to belong to of a church of believers who cherish friendship with Jesus, His unconditional love, what He's teaching us and where He's leading us. The church is just a vehicle, not the central focus. It's all about Him. It's amazing how God will open up opportunities to share His love with those who need it so desperately.

The Crying Game

Among Eva's more disturbing recent discoveries is the fact that Mommy can leave. She finds this rather unsettling, sometimes getting upset if I even leave the room to put laundry in the dryer. She'll come crawling to the stairs, bawling her eyes out until I reappear. She's better when Daddy's around, but she hates being left alone. It's a healthy, though somewhat annoying, case of separation anxiety that she'll outgrow soon enough. I decided early on that the parenting style that fit me best was more along the Attachment Parenting line. Not that I follow any style to the letter.

I don't wear Eva in a sling because she's too heavy and hurts my back, and she spends about an equal share of time in her crib as well as our bed. But I strongly agree with the attachment philosophy of responding to a baby's cries, and that you cannot spoil a baby by holding them too much. Babies, especially under 6 months, are not crying to manipulate, but to communicate their needs. I believe that frequently ignoring their cries hurts their trust in you and confidence that their needs will be met. As they get older, a foundation of responsiveness and bonding enables you to read your child's cues well enough to tell the difference between a need and a want that can wait. Now that Eva's older, I'll sometimes let her fuss for a few minutes when I put her down for a nap, once I'm assured she's just tired and not thirsty or wet.

The other day I nursed her to sleep in the afternoon and she woke up the minute I set her down. I put on a lullaby CD and gave her a few minutes to settle herself down. But when she didn't stop crying after five minutes, I figured I should double-check. I don't like her to get wound up or shrieking because then it's too hard for her to settle down. Sure enough, she had a poopy diaper. She'd already had one earlier, so it was unexpected, and I could have just ignored her and never known. But after I changed her and rocked her until she was sleepy again, she let me put her down in her crib with no fuss. Sometimes they just need some reassurance, so you have to get to know your child's personality and follow your instincts, no matter what some book or magazine article says. No one is an "expert" on your child except you.

Life Changes

Motherhood impacts a million little things you never think of. Or if you did, you wouldn't think they'd be as big a deal as they are. Like your to-do list. Before you become a Mom, you might have a fair expectation that tasks you finish will stay that way for a reasonable period of time. Not so with kids. The diaper you changed gets dirtied within minutes. The clean outfit you put her in gets ruined within seconds, and you have to start all over again. The clothes hamper fills to overflowing an hour after finishing all your laundry. The baby wants to nurse when you just finished feeding her, or throws up all over you when you've just stepped out of the shower. Someone gets sick just after the whole family finally got well. It's never-ending, and takes a great deal of patience.

If I wasn't laid back before, I have to be now just to survive. Perfectionism has no place in parenthood. I can't remember the last time I had a full night's uninterrupted sleep. I haven't enjoyed an alcoholic or caffeinated beverage in over a year and a half. No cappuccinos or margaritas for me. Sometimes even my favorite chocolate or decaf latte has too much caffeine for a nursing Mom with a sleepless baby. When I went to my Discovery Toys boutique, I decided to dig out some old work clothes from Ben Bridge. It was the first time in almost a year I wore a non-nursing shirt or bra. What weird feeling!

3/10/06 - Leaps and Bounds

Dave had some vacation time saved up, so he decided to take this week off. It’s been wonderful for him to spend the whole day with Eva. Usually he only gets to see her in the evenings. The first order of business was to take Eva in for her 9-month check-up. I was glad Dave could come because I was dreading her getting more shots. Wouldn't you know it? The one time Dave's there, she doesn't have to get shots. All they needed was to prick her big toe for a blood sample to make sure she was getting enough iron. I held her in my arms, and she didn't even cry. She just wanted to play with the shiny band-aid they wrapped around her toe. I’m glad she didn’t need shots, but it’s ironic that I have to take her by myself whenever she does. We were trying to guess how much she weighed now. I had my money on 27 lbs; Dave said 29. Nope. She weighed in at 22 lbs, 10 oz, and 28 ½ inches long, which means she barely gained over a pound in three months, but she’s grown two inches. That's largely because she's moving around so much more.

Now that she's crawling, she'll be slimming down even more. I guess it was her clothes that threw us off. Eva's growth rate has been incredible from the beginning. At only nine months old, she's wearing 18 to 24-month clothes, which are for toddlers over 24 lbs. Although some of them are too long in the sleeves and pant legs, 12-months clothes are too tight and short for her. It's been difficult finding things for her to wear, since she's outgrown her winter clothes before the season is over, and the clothes she's growing into aren't warm enough. Of course most of the stores aren't carrying winter clothes anymore, so it's been a challenge.

Finger Foods

Eva's getting a handle on the finger food revolution. I had originally tried these Gerber Veggie Puffs that supposedly dissolve in baby's mouth. Eva would instantly try to swallow them and end up gagging. I decided to start her on something smaller: rice crispies. I chewed one for her and let her see how it crunches, then showed her how to bite down on them with her two tiny teeth. She thought that was the greatest! If she misses, it's no big deal. They get soft enough to swallow pretty quickly. She loves them! Now that she understands the concept of chewing, she’s becoming a real pro, eating small pieces of bread, crackers or bananas, and even vegetables. She misses her mouth about half the time, but sure enjoys trying. Now I'll let her feed herself finger foods in between spoon-fed bites of baby food. And she's finally gotten the appetite to polish off a whole jar at once.

In His Hands

Dave's sister Laura has part ownership in a rental cabin in Big Bear, so we decided to go up there for a few days. Eva needed something warm to wear, so I managed to find a snowsuit, hat and mittens for Eva on clearance. At size 24 months, they were a bit big for her, but hopefully she'll be able to use them again next year. We called Dave's Dad to let him know we were going to be in the area. He lives only a short drive away in Running Springs, and he still has never met Eva. He called us back to say he was "booked solid" all week with his part-time Grand Jury job and couldn't get together with us. Not even to meet his granddaughter for the first time. Frankly, we expected as much, but it was still disappointing. It snowed an inch the first night in Big Bear, and we had a great time introducing Eva to snow for the first time.

That day we had the biggest scare of our life when Eva started choking in her car seat. I heard a strange noise, saw the reflection of her gagging in her auto mirror, and yelled for Dave to pull over. I yanked her out of her car seat, held her facedown and started doing the baby Heimlich over the sidewalk. She coughed up what looked like a huge band-aid. It turned out to be her eye patch. She had peeled it off and tried to swallow it. I had never taken her out of the house with her patch on before, and I never will again. I've never been so scared in my life. We were very lucky. When I asked Dave to put her back in the car so we could get out of the street, he said he didn't want to let go of her yet. Thank God she was O.K. He was really watching over us. The rest of the trip went fine. The cabin is so cozy with its forest theme, and Eva had a blast exploring all over the place. Pulling out videos, chewing on the guest book, crawling under the coffee table like a tunnel. We brought plenty of toys from home to keep her busy as well.

Figures of Speech

Dave and I are in a contest to see who can get Eva to say their name first. Every chance we get you hear one of us egging her on: "Can you say dada?" Then the other will chime in: "Eva, say ma-ma"! We over-enunciate with all the intensity of a speech therapist. Eva must think we're crazy. She's humoring both of us whether she knows it or not. When she's playing she frequently makes "dada" sounds, though she's usually just babbling to herself. Then sometimes when she's upset, she utters a mournful "ma-mwa" cry. Dave thinks she's subconsciously calling for Daddy when she wants to play and Mommy when she wants comfort.

Gymnist Bookworm

Eva loves books, and not just in the traditional sense. She loves to pull them off bookshelves, chew on their corners and rip off their dust jackets. And since we have bookshelves in almost every room in the house, she's having a field day right now. She's not picky, though. If books aren't available, a good magazine or even junk mail will do. Any day now I'm expecting to find colorful bits of confetti in her diaper. She also loves to use the bookshelves as leverage for climbing. This is a skill still in its infancy, but not for long, I suspect. Eva tries to prop herself up on just about anything. If nothing tangible is available, she'll just use the floor, pushing herself up onto all fours.

3/4/06 - Snoozin' and Cruisin'

Watch out! Eva's finally crawling! It's still slow going at times, but she's finally managed that elusive forward maneuver. Now that she can actually transport herself in the direction she wants, nothing is safe. Of course, one of her first experiments was trying to climb the stairs. Since she doesn't yet have the upper body strength to pull herself up, I watched cautiously as she knelt next to the bottom stair and patted it with her hands. Apparently that alone is a hazard, because she lost her balance and smacked the side of her head against the wall. Poor Eva. There's gonna be a lot of bumps and bruises in the coming months.

Now she loves to crawl into the dining room and kitchen where Mommy spends so much time. That means I'll have to be extra diligent about mopping. I had never put her on the floor there before, so she thinks the feeling of cold tile is the greatest. She loves the way she slides around the floor in her soft jammies when she pushes off with her hands. She's exploring anything the can get her hands on, like listening to the squeaky sound her hand makes when she rubs it against the fridge door. She is finally beginning to sleep better, which I'm sure is partly due to all our strategies, and because she's finally conquered a major milestone.

It's In Her Eyes

The prognosis on Eva's eyes is not good. At her ophthalmology appointment this week, they decided to have me patch one eye for an hour each day, in the hopes that it will make the other stronger. She's about 90% improved, but she still crosses her eyes to examine something up close (like a toy she's holding). It happens even with her glasses on, usually when she's tired. Eva hates the patch and keeps trying to pull it off. It’s like a giant band-aid and sometimes leaves a mark on her face if she rips it off too quickly. Someone suggested putting it over one of her lenses in her glasses, but that won’t work. She’d just take the glasses off. The doctor says surgery isn't inevitable, but at this point it's a strong possibility. If it becomes necessary, they'll want to do it before her first birthday, which is only 3 months away. I'm supposed to take her back in three weeks so they can assess the results of the patching. We’re praying that her eyes will grow stronger and that the surgery won't be necessary.

Nine Months

Eva is nine months old already. It's amazing. When you're pregnant, nine months is an eternity. After she's born, it's barely a flash. I don't have to be reminded that in that space of time, we could have had another child, but people say it anyway. In fact, they started asking almost the moment we got back from the hospital. "When's the next one?" What, are they kidding? Must be because two of my friends from church are pregnant. One found out when her boy was only four months old. Yikes! The other, Rachel, is ecstatic to discover she's having a girl after two boys. It's perfect because her husband says three is enough.

Dave thinks two is enough, and he told my Mom that before Eva was even born. I always thought four, since I'm the oldest of four and I like large families. Dave is the youngest of five, but I guess the baby of the family has a different perspective. After I found out I was pregnant, I still wanted four, but toyed with the idea of adopting instead of carrying them all. Pregnancy is so darn uncomfortable. It’s completely worth it, but at the time it can be a real drag. Maybe we'll compromise at three. At any rate, I'm still not ready for the next one. It's not that labor is still fresh in my mind, though natural childbirth is no picnic. No, I actually dread the nausea more. I'd take 12 hours of labor over 3 months of heaving any day.

I knew women who would talk about how much they loved being pregnant, how they missed being pregnant, and all I could think was how crazy that sounded. Besides all the attention you get and those sweet little kicks (which sometimes are painful in their own right), there’s nothing I miss about being pregnant! I savor every moment I can sleep on my stomach and eat without worrying if it’s going to give me heartburn or come back up. Babies are so much more fun after they’re out!

Close Calls

Eva's new abilities have given me a few scares this week. Once I was nursing her in bed and got up to quickly go to the restroom. I peeked around the door in time to see that she had perched herself on the edge of the bed, ready to go over. I jumped up to rescue her, my pants still around my ankles. So much for parental dignity. On Saturday I peeked into her room during her nap and found her sitting up in her crib, playing with the mobile and trying to pull herself up on the railing. She never sat up in her crib before, so I hadn't realized how tall she was in relation to the railing. I immediately called Dave to lower the crib mattress. Thank goodness he was home. Then a few minutes later we were back to remove the crib bumper, because she had wedged her head between it and the railing.

A few days later I put a sleepy Eva down for a nap, and instead of crying for a few minutes like she usually does, it got eerily quiet. I peeked in to find her chewing on her favorite "Touch and Feel" book. With the crib bumper gone, she had managed to reach through the railing to the little end table where we stack her bedtime stories. How do they figure these things out so quickly? Now if she could just figure out how to free her feet from between the bars of the crib when she gets stuck.

Gross Anatomy

Boogers, vomit, poop. We spend our entire adult lives avoiding these and other disgusting substances as much as possible. But with babies, you can't go half a day without coming face to face with the basest of bodily functions. If you're squeamish, it's best to skip to the next entry. Dave and I have become accustomed to surprise encounters of the vile kind, which is why we've invested in a steam carpet cleaner. Earlier this week it was the mistake of giving Eva water from the fridge during a feeding. She really wanted her sippy cup, but the cold water must have upset her tummy because she ended up spewing liquid green beans all over her high chair, bib and outfit.

Then there are the diaper chronicles. The other night she woke us crying at 2am. Suspecting a dirty diaper, I picked her up for a sniff and unwittingly buried my face in her urine-soaked jammies. Yuck! I had to wash my face, change her clothes, and deposit a screaming baby next to a snoring Dave so I could change her crib sheets. It was an hour before I could get her back to sleep and in her crib. I'd love to let her just sleep in our bed, but there just isn't enough room for all three of us. The last episode was an explosive diaper that leaked through her leggings and into the carpet. They say that's usually a sign to move up to the next diaper size, but Eva's maxed out with stage 5 already. The next step up would be pull-ups, which she's certainly not ready for.