4/27/05 - Little Scare

I had a really rough night last night, with a sharp pain in my side that grew steadily worse. I looked up my symptoms online and in the book, but couldn't find anything. I knew it wasn't labor because my contractions had subsided earlier in the evening. It scared me that the pain stayed in one place for so long, and got so intense. And with everything pushed out of the way to make room for the baby, it can be difficult to know where the pain is coming from. Finally I called my mother around 2am. She suggested I call the doctor on call, who happened to be the only one of the group that I haven't met, and the only male. He said it could either be gas, a pulled muscle, or a kidney stone. He suggested I take a Tylenol and see if that helped me sleep. I finally was able to get some sleep around 3am, and called in sick later that morning. I can only assume, since it finally went away, that it was gas trapped because my organs have very little room right now.

Engagement

My doctor says the baby has officially dropped, (sometimes called "engagement") and is now putting direct pressure on my cervix. I'm actually surprised that she dropped this early. I know it's not a guarantee of an early labor, but it sure means things are moving in the right direction. I was so sure this baby would keep me waiting past my due date, I never considered the possibility that she could make an early appearance. It actually makes me kinda nervous, because the nursery is anything but ready. We don't even have a car seat yet because I didn't want to buy a bunch of stuff until I knew what we needed after the baby showers. I'm glad they are this weekend. We might not have as much time as I expected.

Trying To Stay Comfortable

I can honestly say at this point that I'm done being pregnant. I feel like a beached whale, waddling when I walk and needing two or three tries to get off the couch. I've finally treated myself to a pedicure since I can't reach my feet. I've given my notice at work and am preparing to leave on May 6th. Any unfinished orders or repairs I'm handing over to other associates, along with my client list. It's been very quiet this month, which has been very good for me. I run out of energy standing too long, so I spend more time than usual sitting at my manager's desk in his comfy office chair. All my work pants feel uncomfortably tight. They tell you to purchase your pre-pregnancy size when buying maternity clothes, because they automatically accommodate your growing belly. But I don't think designers expect petite people like me to get as huge as I have, and the only comfortable pair of pants I have are maternity jeans that were given to me by a friend three sizes larger than me. They are very roomy and make me much more comfortable.

4/24/05 - Countdown

I'm now in my ninth month, or 36 weeks. Anywhere between 38 and 42 is considered full-term. I'm never fully comfortable in any position anymore, whether standing, sitting, or laying down. Braxton Hicks contractions are getting stronger and more frequent, especially if I’m stressed. Dave and I drove up to Big Bear this weekend for one last weekend escape before the baby comes. We stayed at my sister-in-law Laura's rental cabin, and it was very relaxing. If only we could have stayed longer. These are my last two weeks at work. I'm constantly tired and winded, so it's good that it's a slow time of year. I haven’t finished the nursery yet, because I’m waiting until after the baby shower to see what else we need to get. I had a dream that I was trying to nurse the baby, carrying her in one hand, while I ran around trying to get things done with my free hand. I think it’s because I still have a few things to take care of before I’ll feel ready, and now it’s popping up in my dreams.

Little Jumping Jack

I've read that babies tend to slow down their movements towards the end of pregnancy as they run out of room. Little Eva doesn't seem interested in adopting that policy. In fact, she's protesting her reduced space by continually stretching, jabbing me in the side and digging her tiny foot under my rib cage. I'm actually beginning to wonder if she's bruising my rib, because it's getting awfully sore. Friends laugh at my lopsided stance when I'm constantly leaning to one side and applying counter-pressure with my fist. This is going to be a challenging last few weeks. I'm looking forward to not being hugely pregnant anymore, but I'm also appreciating what little uninterrupted sleep I'm getting right now. It's a trade off.

I See Pregnant People

Maybe it's just me, but the world seems full of pregnant bellies right now. There are two other babies at church due within two weeks of me, my friend Nicola is due five days after me, and my sister-in-law is expecting a month after me. Then there are all the ladies I see walking through the mall at work. When it's slow I'll sit down and watch people walking by, and it seems like every other woman is prego. Maybe they just gravitate to the mall because it's an air-conditioned place to get some exercise while shopping, or maybe it's the Dreyers and Cinnabon they find attractive. Either way, I'm noticing that when you're pregnant, it seems like everyone else is too.

4/17/05 - Scents and Sensitivity

Even at 35 weeks, the world continues to smell funny. I've always had a pretty sensitive nose, but it got worse when I got pregnant. I can smell someone smoking a mile away. For the first seven months, the smell of Starbucks made my stomach lurch. Coffee has only begun to smell good to me again these past few weeks. But now I have a new and strange revulsion: asphalt. For some reason pavement smells like dirty gym socks to me, so I can't stand the stink of a parking lot or driveway. Isn't that the weirdest thing? The other thing that's really sensitive these days is my skin, especially the stretch marks on my belly. Even though I slather it with lotion twice a day, my belly feels very raw and sensitive, and I'm constantly adjusting the waistband of my pants to keep it from rubbing tender skin. I'm also beginning to feel bloated towards the end of the day (as if I didn't feel huge anyway!) My rings feel tight and my feet get swollen. I can't figure out if it's caused by the warmer weather or the extra weight I'm carrying. I figured being this close to delivery, I was done with surprise symptoms. I guess my body just likes to keep me guessing. I also keep forgetting how far my belly sticks out and end up bumping it alot, often with painful results. At work I have trouble reaching across the counter, and I barely have room to squeeze past a co-worker in the walkway. A few days ago my boss accidentally opened a drawer and hit me right in the gut. Boy, did that hurt! I've lost track of how many times I've smacked myself by turning around too quickly or misjudging how much room I had.

Bradley Graduates

We've started getting emails from couples in our Bradley class who've had their babies. Four of them had their water break before labor began, which is weird because that usually happens only 10% of the time. Two of them ended up needing pitocin and epidurals because of complications. It's good to learn from their experiences. Just like them, we plan to go natural and just let my body do what it needs to do, but we won't rule out anything if it becomes medically necessary. The good thing about our childbirth class is that it gave us enough information to make informed decisions, no matter what unexpected circumstances pop up. I feel confident that we are prepared for any decisions we have to make when the time comes.

Parenting Advice

With a new baby coming, friends and strangers alike are all too eager to dish out the parenting advice. I appreciate learning from other's experiences, but I'm coming to the conclusion that every child is unique, so you just have to experiment and see what works for you. Some parents prefer to meet the baby's needs as necessary, others put infants on schedules. Some think that coming every time the baby cries spoils them, others think it builds the baby's confidence that their needs will be met. There are so many contrasting opinions, and there will always be kids who break the mold. Having spent so much time overseas, I've become aware that many of America's parenting theories are culturally based, like the priority that our children achieve independence as quickly as possible. People all over the globe have been raised with ancient methods rather than modern expert opinions, like being carried 24/7 in their mother's sling in Africa, or sleeping in the family bed in Asia, and they are perfectly well-adjusted individuals. So I think we'll read up as much as we can, listen to our friend's experiences, get to know our baby’s personality, and then decide on whatever works for us.

4/8/05 - Adjustments

This has been a tough week. I'm tired and moody, and feel like I'm having a monster case of PMS that doesn't quit. I crave chocolate, but it always gives me heartburn. Then again, what doesn't anymore? Dave was sent up to a corporate retreat in Washington for the whole week, and I've really missed him. I thought having the whole bed to myself might help me sleep better, since it's so hard to get comfortable. But nighttime is when I miss him the most, so that didn't help. We also found a new home for our cat, Sierra (the darker one). We've been trying for months to get rid of her, with no luck. Then I got an unexpected call from a couple in Oceanside who agreed to take her, and just like that she was gone. I never thought I'd be sorry to see her go. She spooked at her own shadow, didn't like kids, and would wake us up in the middle of the night by hacking hairballs. But she was also very affectionate, and I'm surprised to discover that I miss her. I've never been a cat person, and we still have Rebel, our calmer cat, to decide what to do with. Soon I'll have a little girl to absorb all of my time and affection, but a month and a half seems a long time to wait. Life is so ironic sometimes.

Looking Forward

I've started fantasizing about things I'll be able to do again when I'm no longer pregnant, like tying my shoes, picking things up off the floor and throwing out my maternity pants. The biggest one will be being able to sleep on my stomach again. That will be so nice! I won't be able to go back to regular coffee, since I'll be breastfeeding and I don't want the baby wired. But that's not a big sacrifice for me. I like decaf just as well.

4/3/05 - The Waiting Game

These past weeks have been very busy. I'm partially through my eighth month, and it's hard to believe my due date is only 7 weeks away. In some ways it seems like a long ways to go, because I'm starting to get pretty uncomfortable, and I just want the waiting to be over. On the other hand, I feel completely unready for the huge changes right around the corner. I can't even imagine what it's going to be like, both the joys and the difficulties. As much as it was a crash course for me when my little sister and brother were born, it's different when it's your own. The baby has taken position head down (thank God!), but she's on her side, so I feel her prodding my ribs on the right side all the time. Sometimes she's so forceful it hurts and wakes me up. At least she's strong!

Old Friends

Kate flew in from Wisconsin for Easter break, so I drove up to Pasadena to visit with her and Nicola, who is due four days after me with a little boy. It's been so long since I've been able to visit my YWAM friends, so it was great to be able to spend the day with them. We decided to drive over to visit the YWAM LA base, where we all used to be on staff together. It's hard to believe that was eight years ago. It was like a reunion. We got to see several old friends who are still on staff there, training new young missionaries. We have so many memories from working in that ministry together, it's the equivalent of our "college days". Some of our friends were telling us about upcoming outreaches they were taking to places Afghanistan and Thailand. Part of me was wishing I could do that again, but right now God has me on a different path. I definitely want my children to experience what it's like to share God's love with another culture, so maybe we'll be able to do that as a family in the future.

Common Annoyances

What is it about pregnant women that makes other people feel they have the right to make completely inappropriate comments? It's not enough that I feel like a beached whale, that I wake up every time I need to roll over in bed and rearrange my pillows so I can breathe, that simply getting in and out of the car requires a major exertion of energy. Now I have to put up with idiot comments as well? I've had several people ask me if I'm having twins, and a man at a recent church potluck looked at my plate and joked to the whole table that I was "eating for three". A male relative (who shall remain nameless) recently asked me how much weight I had gained, and then dug himself deeper by explaining that he only asked "because you're so much bigger than the last time I saw you." Even a few women, who should know better, have had the audacity to say "look how big you've gotten!" or "you look just about ready to pop!" At first I found it rather humorous that there were people so tactless and stupid as to make such remarks to hormonal pregnant women. But now my patience has run out and it just ticks me off. It's even more frustrating because I haven't added as much as I expected to my figure, except for my big belly (which I find very surprising, considering that I had been warned to expect weight gain all over). My doctor says my weight and size is normal, and I shouldn't worry about it. I'm tempted to tell off the next critic who feels compelled to make a rude comment. How can people be so clueless about basic social etiquette?