9/28/05 - Baby Talk

There's a stream of ridiculous and incoherent babble flowing from the Bjorklund house these days. Ironically, most of it isn't from the baby, it's from the parents! "Eva-Gooba!" Dave calls out as he comes in the door, using his newly invented pet name for her. Then comes the narration. "Daddy, I want to play! Why won't you play with me?" he says in the singsong tone of a ventriloquist. Eva coos along, approving his interpretation of her squeals and gurgles. Mommy's babbles are no more sophisticated. "Hi, beautiful!" I coo into her face, trying to keep her occupied while changing her diaper. "Are you the prettiest girl in the world? Yes you are!" Then there is the ever-growing list of pet names, including "sweet pea", "squirmy", "smiley", "drool-monster", "tubb-tubb", and "precious". One would think we were adding characters to the seven dwarves. Eva doesn't seem to mind the inanity, and though she may be thoroughly confused as to her real name, she seems to find it entertaining.

Falling Into Routine

The air is crisp and cool now, even though September is usually the hottest month of the year here. It still gets hot during midday, but mornings and evenings are wonderfully cool. We had a crazy thunderstorm the other night with lots of lightning, and the first rain of the season. I love the way it makes everything smell. I bought my favorite pumpkin spice muffin mix to make for the next mother's group. Eva is getting back into a routine, though it fluctuates based on whether her teeth are bothering her. She takes several short naps throughout the day, usually around 9am, noon, 3, and 6pm. I give her a bath around 7, and hope to get her to sleep by 9pm. I try to keep Eva's routine predictable, but I'm still pretty flexible. Sometimes she needs more sleep, sometimes less, and I don't see the need to put her down when she's not tired just because it's 3 o'clock. So long as she sleeps mostly through the night and has enough rest, I'm OK. She was up late a couple nights ago because we took her to her first Padres game at Petco Park. The cheering and noise scared her at first, but she calmed down and seemed to enjoy watching all the lights and people. She was tired and fussy the next day, so I think we’re past the take-her-anywhere-she’ll-be-asleep-anyway phase.

Downsizing

I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight of 135 in less than 4 months. Hurray! I can't congratulate myself because I still eat like I'm pregnant. I attribute it largely to the fact that I'm breastfeeding (which I'm told burns up to 400 calories a day), walking three days a week with my friends, and constantly climbing the stairs in our house while carrying my squirmy little medicine ball. A friend of mine pointed out that some of my weight is in my chest because I'm nursing, so I theoretically would weigh less than before, if I took that into account. What are friends for but to say all the right things? I try to remember that I'm still only 28 and my metabolism hasn't really slowed yet, and when I stop nursing I won't be able to get away with eating chocolate chip cookies every day. I've also gone down to size 12 jeans, which is a size larger than before. Since I assume my hips will never go back where they were, I'm satisfied with where I'm at. I'm beginning to lose alot from the top too - of hair, that is. Apparently I've reached the point where the final pregnancy hormones fade, and so does any improvements your hair made. It's coming out in clumps whenever I wash or brush it. Luckily I have pretty thick hair to begin with, so it doesn't make a noticeable difference. It does amaze me how much I'm losing, though.

9/21/05 - A Whole New World

Eva is becoming much more aware of the world around her, and lights, vibrant colors, and mirrors are the big winners right now. She's also discovered the television, and loves to stare at it no matter what we're watching. The other day she sat on Dave's lap and watched part of a Chargers game with him, totally transfixed. I'll have to be careful about that. Everything is so interesting that it can make it difficult for her to nurse at times. Especially if we're not home, she keeps pulling away every few seconds to see what's going on around her, and sometimes tries to take my nipple with her. Ouch!

This new awareness has also led to a definite mommy preference and anxiety in some situations. She still lets friends hold her, but I have to stay in her line of sight, or she gets nervous, and eventually starts crying for me. The other day I was changing her diaper in a public restroom when someone in the next stall flushed the toilet, and she freaked out. She was genuinely terrified with tears streaming down her cheeks, and wouldn't calm down until I got her out of there. I've never heard her scream like that before. Looks like we've reached a new phase. Sometimes in the evenings, when she's tired and her gums are bothering her, she gets fussy even with Dave. No one but mommy will suffice. This is a little wearing on me, but I know it won't be forever. A large part of it is her teething. She chews on anything within reach, drools like a madwoman, wants to be held constantly, and wakes up repeatedly during the night.

Spit Happens

With all the chewing on her hands and swallowing air, Eva has started spitting up again. A few days ago we were getting ready to run errands, and I set her down on my bed while I put my shoes on. When I went to pick her up, I found that she had spit up all down her face, in her ear, and all over the bed. It had soaked her hair and gone down through the comforter, blankets and sheets to the mattress. I had to give her a bath and wash the bedding right then and there. So much for making plans. A few weeks ago she spit all over both of us while I was burping her in the nursing mother’s room at the mall. She got it all over herself, my shirt, and my pants. I had an extra outfit for her and a spare shirt for me in the diaper bag, but not pants. I had to drive all the way home smelling like sour milk. Yuck!

A New Age

I could fake being an overgrown teenager when I was doing youth group, but no more. Becoming a mother has made me acutely aware that I'm not a kid anymore, although I'm sure the after-effects of childbirth are partly responsible. I'm starting to discover in myself the common complaints of middle-age women, like stretch marks, sagging breasts, and bladder weakness. I've noticed fine lines around my eyes which herald the beginning of crows-feet. My 10-year high school reunion is next month, which isn't that long in the scheme of things, but it does make me more aware of time. I don't feel old, but I definitely know I'm not a teenager anymore. Lack of sleep and chilly fall nights have led to my catching a cold this week, but luckily Eva hasn't caught it. She has the strong immune system of a breastfed baby. I'm also dealing with a sore little toe, which I jammed in the doorway the other day and I'm pretty sure is broken. I’ve never seen that many shades of purple in one place. Too bad there's nothing I can do but immobilize it with tape and hobble up our stairs carrying a 17-pound baby.

9/14/05 - New Firsts

This weekend we took Eva to a beach party hosted by our friends Xavier and Amber. Although I take Eva walking along the boardwalk several times a week with the girls, this was her first real beach trip. Dave carried her to the water's edge where she could watch the rushing waves. I couldn’t believe I forgot the video camera, but at least I got some stills. We're not supposed to put sunblock on her until she's 6 months old (plus she's putting her hands in her mouth), so we did the best we could. Although I kept her bundled up and in the shade, the sun's reflection off the sand gave her face a slightly pink sunburn. We managed to go through the entire summer without doing that, until now! It didn't seem to bother her, but I felt terrible about it. The next day, Eva tried to sing along during worship at church for the first time. It was the most adorable thing I've ever seen! There she was, watching people around her worship with raised hands in wide-eyed wonder, cooing along and bouncing on my lap to the music. I was so blessed to watch her respond so quickly to the atmosphere of worship around her. Faith like a child, indeed.

Catching ZZZ's

The nights are getting colder, and we've started dressing Eva in footed sleepers at night. It's a fun change since we've had her in onsies all summer, and it was so warm she never got to wear some of her cute newborn sleepers. I'm glad she'll have protection for her knees while learning to crawl this winter. I already got her an adorable outfit that says "Baby's first Christmas." She'll be 7 months old then, though I can hardly believe it. I am so looking forward to it!

As a newborn, Eva used to sleep in our bed with a sleep positioner that kept her on her back, and kept us from bumping her. It made it much easier to nurse her, especially when I was recovering. When she started fussing, all I had to do was pull her close to me, feed her, and we'd both go back to sleep. As she got bigger, it got more difficult for all three of us to fit comfortably into a queen size bed, so we started using the bassinet next to our bed. Now she's starting to outgrow the bassinet, so we'll probably have to start using her crib in the next room soon. I'm not looking forward to it because I know going back and forth at night will make it harder for me to go back to sleep, and she’s been waking up a lot lately from teething discomfort.

Kid-Friendly

We have a friend with a toddler staying with us right now, which has really helped us to see areas in our house that need to be childproofed. We've got so many stairs (having three stories) that I’ve had to buy numerous safety gates. I got the ones with latches that swing open like a door, so I won’t have to step over them and kill myself. I also want safety latches on every drawer and cabinet in the kitchen and bathroom, while Dave would rather just put up a gated partition and be done with it. I think it’s best to have both, for the times when we forget to put the partition back up. I don’t want to have to trip over it when I don’t need to, like when she’s napping.

9/70/05 - Change In The Wind

Eva changes every time we blink. Dave comes home from work and tells her, "You've gotten bigger today!" Thicker, lighter hair is starting to come in under her dark, fine baby hair. She's had of lot of fun using her new hands, primarily as teething toys, and has even discovered her thumb. I suppose that should concern me, but she doesn't suck it very often, and I'd rather she use that than a pacifier that can get lost or dirty. She's also enjoying making new noises, talking up a storm like a true female. The latest is a new growl where she roars like a lion or says "aaargh!" like a pirate. At only three months, she’s grown into 6-9 month clothes, since she’s over 16 pounds. And even though she can’t roll over yet, she’s graduated to size 3 diapers, which come in “cruisers”, designed for crawlers. I guess Mommy has pretty good breast milk!

A few days ago Eva was really fussing while I tried everything to settle her down: hold her, nurse her, burp her, nothing worked. It took me half an hour to figure out the obvious: a wet diaper. She had probably peed not two seconds after I had last changed her. Sometimes Mom's a little slow on the uptake. Then I accidentally scratched her with my fingernail while putting her in her car seat, leaving a gouge in her forehead that would temp any suspicious passerby to call CPS. Finally, I blew my first disciplinary action with Eva when she unexpectedly bit and twisted my nipple while nursing. Without even thinking, I automatically jumped in my seat and flicked her cheek with my finger. I felt so guilty, looking at those reproachful tear-filled eyes and protruding lower lip. Isn't it amazing that you must have a license to drive a car or run a business, but require nothing more than fertility to raise children?

The Crying Game

Now is the time when popular opinion says babies should be kept to a schedule during the day and taught to sleep through the night on their own. Eliminate nighttime feedings, teach babies to soothe themselves with pacifiers or blankies (anything but you), and make them sleep in their own bed. Don’t let them get used to nursing or rocking to sleep. Let them "cry it out" until they learn that it won't accomplish anything and give it up. I think there's a reason a baby's cry grates on mommy's ear like a sledgehammer. It's because you instinctively know you should respond! Crying is a baby's primary tool for communicating their needs, and being held and comforted in a scary new world is as legitimate a need as any other. Sometimes I wonder if advice like this is really for the convenience of parents who get sick of their baby needing constant attention, since it's primarily a practice of western culture.

Everybody has strong opinions on the subject, and "experts" differ in their opinions as much as everyone else, even modifying their opinions whenever a new study comes out or public opinion shifts to a new trend. I tend to distrust magazine articles that say it's fine for babies to be away from their mothers in daycare for 10 hours a day, so I'm equally as skeptical of parenting advice that tells you to fight your instincts to pick up or soothe a crying baby. I tend to agree with the "attachment parenting" line of thought, which advocates non-western techniques like nursing on demand, sleeping in the family bed, and carrying your baby in a sling. Proponents like Dr. Sears believe that young babies cannot be spoiled by attending to their cries because they are actually communicating their needs, and are not yet capable of manipulating their parents. I'm less concerned with scheduling so long as she gets enough sleep and nutrition. I have no problem picking her up whenever she needs me, and I want her to have confidence that her needs will be met when she cries. When the time comes to teach her the difference between her needs and wants, I’ve got no problem doing that, but for now I know that she needs her Mommy when she cries.

That Was Then, This Is Now

A year ago I was a happily married working woman, just returned from an anniversary road trip and completely oblivious to the presence of a precious little stowaway we'd brought back as a souvenir. Now I've traded the finicky demands of customers for the 24-hour needs of my baby girl, with her smiles for my reward. I used to admire babies at a safe distance, grateful when they cried that they weren't mine; now I'm a victim of instant letdown whenever I hear a baby cry, and I'm completely enthralled by tiny toes. I used to meet up with friends for coffee; now I push a stroller with other mothers along the beach boardwalk, trying to burn off baby fat and discussing cradle-cap remedies.

I used to review books on Amazon; now I'm rating baby products. I used to think women who got boob jobs were shallow and vainly trying to reclaim their youth; now I'm secretly sympathetic. My biggest medical concern used to be protecting my fair skin from the sun; now I'm tempted to call a lactation consultant to ask what nursing strategy I can use to make my right breast grow to be the same size as my left. I used to watch the evening news simply as a concerned citizen; now I'm been haunted by footage of a desperate mother, stranded without water by hurricane Katrina, whose toddler was so dehydrated she couldn't wake him. I look in the mirror and think, who are you and what have you done with my former self? Not that I'd want her back. Motherhood becomes me much better than I thought.