7/31/05 - Baby In Flight

Dave's company was sending him to Seattle for training, and they invited me to come along at the last minute when his hotel roommate cancelled. All I had to pay for was my airfare. So we packed up the baby and flew to Seattle for four days. Dave hired a limo to take us to the airport as a surprise, since I'd never been in one. It's funny that and Eva gets her first limo ride at seven weeks old, and I had to wait until I was 28! She was pretty good on the plane, sleeping most of the way. The only mishap was an explosive poopy diaper that overflowed, soaking her outfit front and back, and the only place we had to change her was on our laps. What a memorable moment!

Sleepless In Seattle

We stayed at the Hotel Sorrento, an upscale, hundred-year-old hotel complete with fine dining, fluffy down bedding and turn down service. Even the bottled water is an artisan brand from Norway called Voss, which comes in a fancy glass bottle. All the trainings were conducted in conference rooms upstairs with catered meals, so I joined Dave and his colleagues for breakfast and lunch, then would take Eva back to our room for a nap. She seemed more fussy than usual, and woke several times a night, which meant we didn't get much sleep either. That could have something to do with the fact that we were using her stroller as a bassinet. She also wanted to nurse frequently during the day, which I think was partly due to her getting thirsty in the heat. She was doing that the week before we left in California, when it was so dreadfully humid and we were getting thunderstorms. The first evening in Seattle we all walked to the Cheesecake Factory downtown. The second night we visited the famous Pike's fish market, where they throw the fish through the air. Dave took me to see the original Starbucks and original Ben Bridge store. Dave's colleagues loved having the baby with us and would ooh and aah over her, telling us their own parenting stories. All in all, it was a great trip, though I'm glad to be home. Traveling with a baby is alot of work.

Breastfeeding Challenges

Nursing is a learned art, I've been told, but on this trip I've discovered it's a real challenge. For one thing, whenever my milk lets down, it's a flood. Eva inevitably pulls away to avoid drowning, which leaves me spraying in every direction. At home I've dealt with this problem by putting a fresh cloth diaper under her chin at every feeding, and throwing them in the laundry. But on this trip, I had to use disposable pads that tend to drip. Not to mention that the moment I put Eva into a nursing position, she gets so excited she starts trying to eat her fists and pulls the pad out of position, so we both get soaked. If she needs to burp, she'll start squirming and get us all wet.

In public, people want you to use a blanket, which makes it nearly impossible to keep things under control. I have several nursing tops that cover everything discreetly, but that doesn't help me much if she keeps pulling away. Some don't even want the blanket; they want you behind closed doors. Everyone says they believe “breast is best”, but just where they don’t have to be exposed to it. It amazes me that the same people who consider teenagers dressed as streetwalkers socially acceptable, suddenly demand a burqa when it comes to a baby actually eating where God intended.

I've heard some suggest that nursing mothers should use the bathroom, but the stalls are often dirty and smelly, and most public toilets don't have a top lid, so there's no place to sit. Facilities for breastfeeding mothers are scarce. It's hard enough to find a bathroom with a changing table. At one restaurant, I finally had to nurse Eva on the floor in the handicapped bathroom stall, sitting on her changing mat, because there was nowhere else. In California, a mother can legally breastfeed anywhere she would otherwise be authorized to be, but that doesn't make it hospitable. I’m sure that most people would rather see 10 seconds of nipple than listen to 10 minutes of screaming.

Bonding With Baby

Even with the challenges, I don’t regret my decision to breastfeed. It has its definite advantages. Besides being best for Eva’s immune system and health, it forces me to sit down and relax with her every few hours. It gives me time to just get to know her noises, her expressions, her little methods of communication. I notice things I might not take time to notice otherwise, like the fact that Eva has a little ridge in the middle of her fingernails that separates what she had in the womb to the nail that has grown since then. It reminds me that her nails aren’t the only thing growing more every day. Sometimes when I’m studying her, Eva returns the favor by staring intently into my face while noisily gulping away. Even when she’s not hungry anymore, she loves to just lie there, gently mouthing my nipple, cooing and smiling. Daddy says it’s her “happy place”. I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything.

7/23/05 - Growing Girl

Eva blossoms more every day. There's a little stuffed Snoopy perched on her changing table, and whenever she catches sight of it as we change her diaper, she flashes it a big gummy grin. She's also recognizing Dave and I when she sees our faces, follows us with her eyes and smiles at us. Last week she started standing on her little legs when I held her against my chest. Sometimes when she's fussy, she tries to climb me by straightening her legs and clawing at my shirt. She recently discovered her little fist, and has started sucking on it when she's hungry.

Making Friends

I took Eva up to visit my Grandparents, who live an hour away in Orange County. It's amazing to know that they have survived to enjoy their great-grandchildren, and that our family has four generations of daughters alive at the same time. Eva is a hit wherever she goes. Strangers on the street offer congratulatory smiles and a barrage of questions. How old? Boy or girl? (Is the pink outfit not enough to clue them in?) What's her name? How much does she weigh? And the inevitable remark, "Look at all that hair!" I don't mind so long as strangers don't try to run their fingers through it. I was at David's work and one of the residents admiringly reached over to touch her hair when I caught a whiff of her incontinence. I have great compassion for these little old ladies, but I don't want someone’s dirty hands on her. It made me cringe to think about it. I've found that when I carry Eva in a sling, no one asks to hold her. So I use that strategy often when I take her out.

Six Week Milestone

I went in for my six week checkup at the OB/Gyn. They told me my tear has healed, but I'm still very tender. I've had some friends tell me that they weren't able enjoy sex for up to a year afterward. I hope that won't be the case. Physically I’m feeling for the most part like my old self, though I sometimes get a knot between my shoulder blades from holding her alot. My nose has stopped running, my heartburn is gone, and the other trials of pregnancy are over. I’m glad I had her before the weather turned hot, because it has been so humid and miserable this past week, I couldn’t imagine having to handle it with a huge pregnant belly.

7/17/05 - Mommy Group

I went out this week with three other moms to walk along the beach in Carlsbad. It was amazing that Eva slept through the whole thing. There we were, pushing four strollers along the boardwalk. If you walk back and forth the length of it twice, it's three miles. They exercise together on a regular basis, so I hope to join them often from now on. It's nice to get together with other stay-at-home moms. One of the mothers delivered her son two days before me, and another had her second daughter 10 days after me. So our little church has had three new babies born within a two week period, which is amazing considering there's only about 50 people in our congregation. We all delivered at the same hospital, too.

Whose Body Is This?

I'm amazed how much the residue of pregnancy still clings to my body, though I suppose I shouldn't be. It was only six weeks ago, but it feels like another lifetime. I still have red stretch marks in a funky flame pattern all over my belly and thighs, and some new ones on my breasts, complete with itching. I dread the deflated look they're going to have after I wean Eva, but for now it's nice to actually have a profile. I'm sure Dave agrees with me. The oversized bosom and no periods are a nice trade off for a more unpleasant side effect of nursing: feminine dryness. I guess that's nature's way of making sure you don't get pregnant again anytime soon.

I'm now in size 14 jeans, though I wore size 10 before I was pregnant. I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever be able to wear my old pants again. I'm only 10 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight, but I've heard a woman's hips often never go back to the same position they were in before she gave birth. I'm also still as klutzy and forgetful as I was during pregnancy, which my fellow mothers tell me is a permanent effect of the baby taking half your brain. Dave says watching me take on the role of mother to our little daughter makes him all the more attracted to me, which is sweet. I sure don't look or feel very sexy, but it's nice to know my husband thinks I am.

Time? What Time?

I think the exhaustion is starting to catch up with me. Being on duty 24 hours a day can be wearing. Even though Dave pulls his weight as much as he can when he's home, I find that the times when he takes the baby are my only opportunities to make dinner, do laundry, or take out the trash. A shower is my only ME time, and it often gets cut short if Eva decides that nothing but nursing will calm her down. It's never-ending, and anything to break the monotony is welcome.

I try to get out of the house at least once a day, whether to go for a walk with another mother or just pick up groceries. I try to take Eva to see Daddy at work at least once a week. Getting out takes alot of effort, though, so I generally spend a day or two where I just stay home and try to recharge in between feedings. I catch myself watching documentaries or home improvement shows while I nurse, so I now know more about World War II and home renovation than I ever wanted to. If I'm sitting on my butt, may as well learn something, right? The days at home are more relaxing, but I get cabin fever if I stay in too long.

7/4/05 - Fourth Of July

We spent Independence Day at Nanci's house with the rest of David's family. It was little Eva's one month birthday. She's already changed so much. She's outgrown her newborn diapers and has now graduated to stage 1 size. Her baby acne is finally starting to clear up. She's becoming more aware of her surroundings, like colorful or noisy objects. She can't reach out and grasp them yet, but they definitely hold her attention. We got her an activity mat with toys that dangle above her head, and she finds it fascinating. It's an adventure getting to know this little person as her personality unfolds. She's already a talker, cooing and squealing. She's very ticklish, especially on her feet and armpits. I took her to visit Daddy at work for the first time this week, and the staff and residents were going gaga over her.

Old Friends

My friends Kate and Eva flew in from out of state to meet their little namesake, Evangelina Katherine. They both were on staff with me in YWAM and bridesmaids in my wedding. It was so good to see them again. We got out of the house with the baby to have some long-overdue girl time.

On one trip we went to the mall and stopped to eat at a chinese restaurant. No sooner did I sit down to eat than Eva decided she wanted to nurse. Since we were in a private back corner, I went ahead and nursed her under a blanket. The challenge of public breastfeeding, I've discovered, is the sound effects. First she was noisily gulping away, then she started grunting, and finally she filled her diaper with an explosion the entire restaurant could hear. That was followed by a loud sigh of contentment. I had to put myself back together and take her to the bathroom to change her. When I got back she wanted to nurse again and filled her diaper a second time, so much that it started to leak. "Big" Eva tried to help catch the overflow with napkins, while I tried to whisk her back to the bathroom. All this time my food was getting cold. All in a day's work. It's nice to have helpers when disaster strikes.

The girls also helped me fold laundry, run errands and make dinner. It was wonderful to visit with them in person instead of over the phone. We had a chance to drive down to Chula Vista and reunite with some other old friends from YWAM LA, as well, which was wonderful. Too bad Nicola couldn't join us, but she has her own little bundle of joy to make the drive from Pasadena a challenge. He was born only four days before Eva. Kate took some video of them for me to see, which was great.