3/20/07 - Baby Sister

At 20 weeks, I'm now officially at the halfway point. We went to have our ultrasound last Tuesday, and found out we're having another girl. So Eva is going to have a little sister to play with, share clothes and gossip, etc. We've decided to name her Amanda. One of my favorite books growing up was Tales of the Kingdom, and my favorite character was Princess Amanda, who had the gift of "seeing", or prophetic insight. I'm happy to know she's got 10 fingers and 10 toes, and everything looks good. Dave is excited about having two girls, since he says it will be easier than raising a girl and boy together, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind having a son someday, too. It's nice that we won't need to buy anything, since we already have everything for a girl. I'm glad we saved all of Eva's clothes. The only thing we need is a double stroller, and my parents want to buy that for us. Dave eventually wants to upgrade to a bigger family car, a Ford Freestyle to be exact, but that dream will have to wait. For now, my Taurus is fine carrying two car seats. And with gas over $3.00 a gallon, it's more economical, too.

Strong Will

When Eva decides she wants something, it can take all the king's horses and all the king's men to change that stubborn little mind. When she wants to walk, putting her in the stroller is like trying to pin down an octopus. The other day, just as I sat her down in her stroller, she flung herself over the side and landed face first on the sidewalk. She ended up with a slight scrape and a big bump on her forehead. Lately she has started biting, too. It doesn't appear to be anything aggressive, because she does it while trying to hug me tightly or crawl into my lap. Maybe she's trying to get a better grip, maybe it feels good on her gums, or maybe it's her way of trying to get my attention. Either way, it's a behavior we've got to nip in the bud. Thank goodness it's not a habit yet, and she hasn't tried it on anybody else. She also appears to be an aspiring tattoo artist, because any pen she can get her hands on is instantly used to decorate her arms, legs, and tummy with creative squiggles. It takes a long soak in the tub and a good scrub to get them off. Her hair is long enough to reach halfway down her back now, but at her neck it forms into adorable ringlets, a' la' Shirley Temple. I just can't bring myself to cut it, though it's probably overdue. Her idea of “helping” me fold laundry is to try on every piece of clothing, usually by pulling it over her head and wearing it like a necklace. She insists of feeding herself, too, and for the most part is pretty good at it. She is now capable of getting 90% of the food to her mouth with a toddler spoon, and eats her morning oatmeal with less than half the bowl down her front.

Toddlerhood

Eva can drive me crazy sometimes, but in all fairness, the toddler stage is pretty darn cute. I love how her hands and feet still have that baby look: like chubby dinner rolls with appendages. I love how she sticks her butt up in the air when she sleeps, like a little stinkbug (how on earth that could be considered comfortable, I'll never know). I love how her little tummy peeks out from under her shirt, while her diapered bottom waddles when she walks. I love how simple things like a puppy or water fountain can make her day. I love how she brings her little snack cup to me when she's hungry, saying "peas?" (please) like Charles Dickens’ orphan Oliver asking for "more". I love her fearless daring to climb any obstacle within reach, imitate everything we do, mangle big words when she tries to repeat them, and how she answers every question with "no", even when she means yes.

Puppy Love

Eva loves dogs, and is drawn like a magnet to them whenever she sees one. Every time we go to the mall we visit the pet store, and she walks up and down the display windows, stopping at each one to say "Hi, puppy!" and wave. On Thursday we went for a walk along the beach boardwalk, and Eva wanted to stop and pet every dog that walked by. I had to hold her back until the owners assured us that it was safe, and then make sure she patted gently. My sister-in-law had to put her dog Holly down this week, but when Eva came to visit, the first thing she did was start asking for "puppy". It was heart breaking to watch. Our chiropractor often brings her dog Sammy to the office, and Eva loves to throw her toys and watch her fetch them. Once she grabbed Sammy by the face and planted a big sloppy kiss on her snout. Apart from the gross-out factor, it scared me what would happen if she tried that on a less tolerant dog. All the dogs she's met so far have been very kid-friendly, so she has no fear. It's kind of scary, actually, because she has no idea that not all dogs are alike, and some are dangerous. I would love to get her a dog of her own, but we don't have a yard big enough for a large one, and neither Dave nor I can stand ankle-biters. If we ever get a house with a yard, we'd like to get a lab or retriever, around 2 years old and already house-trained. I don't want to deal with all the training, teething, and boundless energy of a puppy. I'm already dealing with that with kids!

3/10/07 - Little Climber

My belly is definitely prominent now, and I have a tendency to bump it when I turn around or try to squeeze through a space that normally wouldn't be a problem. When I sit down, I can feel my belly pushing up on my chest. I’m about halfway there now, and things are already getting crowded in there. The baby will sometimes respond to the tight quarters by giving me a few kicks. Eva continues to grow every time we blink. She's grown taller, which has enabled her to reach objects on the table or countertop that were once safely out of range. She can now merely walk up the steps instead of crawling up on her knees, though she still needs her hands to keep her balance. She likes to let go as often as possible, though, which has me dreading the inevitable tumble down the stairs. I want to install a lower handrail for her to hold onto. She recently figured out how to climb onto higher surfaces, like our bed and the dining room chairs. She loves to climb and stand up on furniture, enjoying the view, which makes me nervous. I find myself repeating "get down!" throughout the day like a broken record. She's heard it so many times that sometimes she'll repeat it back to me. She likes to test her strength by rearranging furniture, pushing heavy items around the room, or lifting and overturning her toddler slide and chairs.

Miss Independent

Toddlerhood isn't complete without that notorious independent streak which compels mere babes to tackle things that are far outside of their level of skill. Eva wants to undress herself, buckle herself into the car seat, push the stroller, talk on the phone, pick out her own snacks, and walk down the sidewalk all by herself. We took her to Julian on Saturday and she wanted to walk the whole way, screaming every time we picked her up to cross the street. She would stroll into a shop when something looked interesting, and a man who drove one of the tourist carriages let her pet the horse. At one point she tripped and got her very first skinned knee. Poor kid! There will be many more where that came from in the coming years!

She's got a set of washable crayons that she likes to use to draw on everything from herself to her furniture. Thankfully it comes right off with a baby wipe. Pens are another story, though, so we have to keep them out of reach or she’ll write on everything. In the nursery at church, she likes to be on "pacifier patrol", picking up pacifiers and popping them back in babies' mouths whenever they spit them out. One time she started calling for me right after I put her down for a nap. Figuring she didn't want to sleep, I ignored her for a few minutes. When I finally went in to check on her, I found her standing half-naked in her crib, her diaper and pants thrown onto the floor below, and poop smeared down her leg. She had wanted a diaper change, and decided not to wait for me. Apparently she found it entertaining as well, because the look on my face was enough to get her laughing hysterically.

Speak Up

Eva obviously understands much more than she can speak, but manages to communicate pretty well with one or two-word sentences. She's so expressive. She'll say "where go?" when a toy rolls away or a person leaves. She's finally started to say "thank you", though it sounds more like "tink-oo", and most people don't understand it. Her favorite DVD is Baby MacDonald, all about the farm. She imitates the animal noises, names the food ("apple" is the only word that's distinguishable) and begins dancing when the song "Old MacDonald" starts to play, trying to sing along (saying like "E-I-E-I-E-I:" a hundred times before finally getting to the "Oh"). For some reason, though she's heard us say "horsie" a million times, she calls all horses "achoo". I really don't know how she came up with that, but she's sticking to it.

Warming Up

The weather is getting steadily warmer, bringing back short sleeves and sandals. It's just perfect: warm in the sunshine, cool in the shade, with a gentle sea breeze. If it would just stay this temperature throughout the summer, I'd be one happy woman. Unfortunately, I know that cannot be, so I've stocked up on the coolest maternity tank tops I could find, and jokingly warned my sister-in-law that I'll probably spend my last two months continuously floating in her pool. David just got back from a four-day Hawaii surfing trip with the guys, and I'm sooo glad to have him back. I missed him, and it was lonely having the bed all to myself, but that wasn't the hardest part. I don't know how single moms do it, but I caught my limit of toddler duty around the third day. They've got so much energy and demand so much, having someone to tag-team with is an absolute must. I joke that he owes me day at the spa now, as fair trade. The only time I had to myself was during her nap, or putting on one of her favorite Baby Einstein DVDs. She loves the music and the puppets. I know, I swore I'd never use the electronic babysitter, but when you're trying to make dinner or talk on the phone without interruption, a half-hour can go a long way. And I feel better about the fact that they're educational.

Not My Own

Last Sunday we had a guest pastor from Mexico who spoke with us about the work going on with his church in Rosarito, particularly with abandoned children and families. Although I've heard it many times before, I was particularly struck by his reminder that we are not our own. We have been bought with the price of Jesus' blood, and everything we have is given to us so that we can be a blessing to others in His name. There's nothing like pregnancy to remind you of what that really means. My body is not my own right now. It belongs to the little person being created inside me, and I'm just along for the ride. This pregnancy was initially so difficult that it's been hard for me to really appreciate it as a blessing, much as I know how much it will be worth it in the end. Being so sick, it was easy to forget that God provided everything I needed to get through it: doctors and anti-nausea medication, loving family and friends to help, a relatively easy-going toddler, and an understanding husband who jumped right in to care for me and Eva. I was so focused on the negative that I swore I'd never do it again. But I've come to realize that a couple months of sickness is a rather selfish reason not to have another child someday, if God wants to bless us with one. Christ suffered so much to give us life...what's a couple months of misery for the sake of my child's life? To be honest, the idea still terrifies me, but I won't let my fear of discomfort be the sole determining factor of how many children we have, especially when I know God is faithful to provide everything I need to get through it.

3/2/07 - Transitions

With a new baby due in less than six months, I'm considering all the changes that will need to be made in the coming year. Eva will need to adjust to a new sibling, be potty-trained, and eventually moved out of her crib into a toddler bed. I've been told that each of these major transitions should be made gradually, when the child is ready, and never two at the same time. Since the new baby will be sleeping in the bassinet next to our bed for about 5 months (like Eva did), the move to a toddler bed isn't very urgent. So I figured if there was anything we wanted to get out of the way before the baby's arrival, it would probably be potty-training. However, as much as she enjoys playing with the potty chair, Eva doesn't seem to truly understand what it's for. Most of the time, she doesn't tell me she's gone to the bathroom until the deed is done. And then, it's only because her diaper is uncomfortable and she wants a new one. I don't think she really recognizes the urge to go before it happens, which means she's probably not ready yet. I've tried a few times to catch her in the act and put her on the potty to finish the job, but she just clams up until I put her diaper back on.

My mommy friends tell me that toddlers tend to revert to baby behavior when a new sibling arrives on the scene. Apparently they want to be treated like the baby again. Which means that even if she's successfully potty-trained by the time the baby arrives, it's no guarantee that she won't start having accidents or want her diapers back. They also said that it's important that Eva doesn't feel like she's being evicted from her crib so the new baby can steal it, and I either need to move her to a toddler bed long before the baby needs it, or get another crib for the baby until Eva is ready to move. So I'm not really sure what to do. Eva's so content in her crib, she's never tried to climb out. And she's such a restless sleeper I'm afraid she'd roll out of any bed that didn't have bars all around it. I really don't want to rush her into something she's not ready for just because we're expecting a new baby.

Differences

They say that every pregnancy is different, and I've certainly found that to be true. Sure, there are plenty of symptoms that are nothing new, like heartburn, a stuffy nose and watery mouth. And the strange, stretching sensations from a growing belly don't worry me like they did last time. I recognize them now and know they're normal. But the severe nausea this time sure knocked me for a loop (not to mention making me seriously question whether I really wanted to do this again). My cravings are very different, too. Last time I craved chocolate, sweets and fish. This time it's salty snacks like chips, and Mexican food. My friend says that's because I'm gonna have a boy. I guess we'll know in a few weeks. I'm already starting to feel the first kicks, which is three weeks earlier than last time. I wasn't sure at first because they were so light, more like little nudges than kicks. And they're still not strong enough for Dave to be able to feel them with his hand, but I enjoy them. Feeling the baby move is the fun part.

No More Nursing

Originally, I had planned to nurse Eva through the winter because I wanted her to have an extra immune system boost. But when I discovered I was pregnant in November, my breasts quickly became so tender and sore I had to rethink my timing. Eva was already going to bed without nursing by that point, and only woke once at night for a midnight feeding. I was at a loss how to wean her from that, since she would scream and refuse to settle down when we tried sending David in or any other alternative. Pretty soon she did it herself, however, simply by sleeping through the night. She'd go days without nursing, then suddenly wake one night and want it. Of course, that meant I had less milk to give her, so it wasn't much worth the effort, though she'd sometimes bite me in an effort to get more. Now she's been sleeping through night for several weeks, and I'm completely dried up. So weaning turned out to be more of a natural occurrence than anything I could have planned. To be honest, I kind of miss it, though those last couple months were anything but easy. I can't say if my pregnancy was fully to blame, but it certainly was a contributing factor. A couple nights ago, Eva woke up crying with what I think might have been her first nightmare. She was crying but not fully awake, and when I picked her up she held on like she'd never let go. At 20 months, now is the time when their developing imaginations sometimes cause them to get bad dreams. I was wishing I could nurse to comfort her, but prayed for her instead, that Jesus would give her sweet dreams about Rebel, and horsies, and bikes (some of her favorite things). She caught on and kept saying "Rebel" (though it sounds more like "bubble"), which helped her to think of something else, and soon drifted peacefully back to sleep.

Battle of Wills

Eva is definitely her own person now, with her own ideas of what she wants, and a recognizable temper when her plans are thwarted. Tantrums are becoming more common now, and though I refuse to reward them and never give her anything until she calms down and asks nicely, they still persist. I think we're getting a preview of the upcoming "terrible twos". One day this week was particularly trying. Eva brought me a little bowl, asking for a snack, so I filled it with cheerios and sat her down in the living room. Within minutes she was back with and empty bowl, so I knew she had dumped it out. I told her no, picked up the cheerios and put them back, and handed them to her. She started to try and dump them again, and I told her no and put them on the table. Then she went and got them, and dumped them on the floor. This time I smacked her hand and she cried, but she went back and did it again a few minutes later. It occurred to me that she wanted something else, so I filled it with raisins instead. No dice. She immediately dumped it out on the floor. It went on like this throughout the day, every time she wanted a snack. She'd try to dump it, I'd say no, she'd look straight at me and disobey, I'd discipline her, she'd cry, then go right back and do it again. It was so frustrating and emotionally exhausting. I hate being the bad guy...why does she force me to do it? I know I have to be consistent, because if I give in I'm only teaching her that if she pushes hard enough, she'll get what she wants. That will only make it more miserable for both of us next time around.

Letting Go

When you become a mother, people start warning you against wearing "mom jeans" or "letting yourself go". The idea is to not use motherhood as an excuse to become frumpy. For someone like me, who has always been a jeans and T-shirt kind of girl, that's a good reminder. I've never been much into fashion, partly because with a limited clothing budget, I could never justify spending money on trendy outfits that would be out of style within six months. And I'd rather be comfortable than wear tight, sexy clothes. Even when working at Ben Bridge, I'd wear classy suits with slacks and flat, comfortable shoes, because I hate nylons and high heels (especially when you have to stand in them for 8 hours). But I have to admit, motherhood (and pregnancy especially) can sometimes cause me to get lazy about the way I look, especially since kids have a tendency to get spots on whatever you're wearing. It's probably something I could work on more, though, like wearing make-up a little more often. After all, my husband still has to look at me and be seen with me in public.

This morning I was driving home from the grocery store when I spotted three fashionable career women chatting over lattes outside of Starbucks. Hair perfectly coifed, trendy business suits, high heels...they looked on top of the world. Everyone wonders what it would be like to live a different life sometimes, and I found myself thinking about what it would be like to be heading to the office today, instead of heading home in my T-shirt and maternity pants to put away groceries and get a toddler ready for her nap. Who knows? Maybe those women are mothers too, with their kids off in daycare somewhere. Or maybe they're single and carefree. As nice as it might be to walk in their fashionable shoes for a while, I know I'd miss my babies and long to be home with them again. We all make choices and trade-offs, and I'm pretty satisfied with mine.