12/20/06 - New Pregnancy

When I first discovered I was pregnant, I used an online pregnancy calculator to determine that I was about three weeks along. That's so early, a lot of pregnancy tests won't even detect it yet. Last time I didn't find out until at least five weeks, and immediately started feeling nauseated. Since I found out earlier this time, I figured bought myself a couple weeks to prepare before the morning sickness kicks in. I went to the grocery store and stocked up on bland snacks like crackers and jello, just in case. When all the local stores sold out of ginger snaps, one clerk told me "they're really popular this time of year. 'Tis the season." My first thought was how selfish people were to take all the gingersnaps for something as trivial as holiday cheer, when nauseous pregnant women need them just to survive (pregnancy insanity knows no limitations). It felt like I was preparing for a hurricane, but I didn't finish a moment too soon, because nausea has stormed in with a vengeance, along with all the other nasty symptoms. Watery mouth, dizziness, gas, heartburn, fatigue, klutziness (stubbing fingers and dropping things), you name it, I've got it. I'm beginning to recall why I never really enjoyed being pregnant. Feeling the little kicks is the only really fun part. Thankfully, this time I have my beautiful little girl as a constant reminder of my ultimate reward after all this misery is over. There's no doubt that she was worth it, and this one is too.

Morning Sickness

The nausea this time around is far worse than it was last time. Never have I thrown up so much for so long a period of time. I was forced to go to urgent care one weekend, and call the on-call OB the next. I tried homeopathic methods, Dramamine, and finally suppositories. The last finally stopped the nausea, but left me with an awful side effect of jittery nervousness, which was almost as bad. I was weak, but couldn't sit still, and couldn't sleep with my heart racing. Several times I've had to ask family or friends to take Eva because I was too sick to care for her. That was the hardest thing to do. For the first time, I was at point of despair, just wishing it could all be over, and hardly caring how. I don't know how I shall bear another six weeks of this before my first trimester is over. Between sickness and a malfunctioning PDA, updating this baby journal had been a real challenge. I hardly ever make it to the computer now, even to check e-mail. My OB finally prescribed a nausea pill to take every eight hours. Turns out it’s the same medicine they prescribe for chemo patients! It works great, but it’s expensive: $30 for only 8 tablets, and that’s after insurance! So I’ll have to save it for the days when I’m really bad.

Playing Around

Eva recently figured out how to blow raspberries on Daddy's tummy, which she thinks is hysterical. I guess we did it to her one too many times. Now she'll lift your shirt to try to poke your belly button (another recent discovery), and then try to blow on your tummy. She'll try to copy daddy telling her to quiet down by sticking her finger up her nose (instead of her lips) and imitate the "shhhh!" sound. The other day she caught me throwing up in the bathroom, and spent the next hour making gagging noises that made me think she was choking. It turned out she was just mimicking what she heard. She's also testing her voice a lot, screaming at every opportunity just to hear her own voice. And her walking has picked up speed to a full out run, so we've got to be quick. I just don't have the energy right now to keep up with her, so when she gets restless I'll take her to the mall to play on the playground or visit the pet store. She loves to peer in the windows at the puppies wrestling with each other, calling "pubby!", although she still seems to think that all animals are named "Rebel".

Big Sister

Someone asked me if we'd told Eva about the new baby yet. Not really. We picked her up and danced and sang "Eva's going to be a big sister!", but it didn't make any more sense to her than if we'd been singing about the alphabet. She just knew we were happy and wanted to play, and that's fine for her age. At 18 months, Eva is too young to understand the changes on the horizon. She's still a baby herself, in many ways. Time is still an abstract concept, so the present is all that she understands. Telling her that dinner will be on the table in a few minutes doesn't make a dent, because waiting is still a tough idea to grasp. She lives entirely in the here and now. And since she's still learning the names of concrete objects, trying to introduce something (or someone) she can neither see nor touch is beyond her understanding right now. She'll be just over 2 years old when the baby arrives, and within weeks will have no memory of a time when little brother/sister wasn't there.

Looking Ahead

I'm not worried about how Eva will adjust to a new baby. For one thing, she's got a very easy-going temperament. I can leave her in the nursery or with my sister-in-law and she won't shed a tear. I know that's partly due to Attachment Parenting and how secure she feels in her world, but it's also largely her easy-going personality. Whenever she's faced with a new person or situation, she stands back and observes with an intent, studied look on her face. Once she's familiarized herself with whoever (or whatever) it is, she resumes her warm, outgoing attitude. She's been so easy, in fact, I've joked that she's God's way of tricking us into having another one. I know it's rare to get two easy babies in a row, so I'm bracing for a more difficult temperament this time around.

11/26/06 - Happy Thanksgiving

This year was particularly special. As usual, we all got together at my Sister-in-Law Nanci's house. I brought side dishes of Gulliver's Cream Corn and Sunshine Glazed Carrots (both family recipes courtesy of my late Grandma). As soon as the family was gathered in the dining room, Dave switched on the video camera and recorded everyone's reactions as he announced that we were expecting another baby. It was a priceless moment.

Growing Family

I discovered I was pregnant the day before Thanksgiving. Once again, hindsight is 20/20. I had been experiencing symptoms for about a week, but pregnancy insanity being one of them, it took me awhile to clue in. For one thing, I was irritable and crabby, and particularly clingy of Dave (our biggest fight the past couple weeks had been over his extended work hours). Fatigue was the big give-away, followed by breast soreness, feeling "touched out" (not wanting to be touched) and a heightened sense of smell. On my last trip to the mall, I remember thinking that I didn't like the smell, because it reminded me of when I was working there while suffering from nausea during my last pregnancy. I was also getting unhappy with my pudgy tummy, and bought several fitted tops with a resolution of increasing my sit-ups so they would look better on me. Well, I should have known better, because later that day curiosity got the better of me. Three pregnancy tests later, the reality finally sank in, and I excitedly waited for Dave to get home so I could break the big news. I had Eva hand him the positive test, and when he finally realized what it was, he looked at me and said, "Is this real? Are you serious?" He's thrilled to be a daddy again. It's a lot less scary once you've been down this road before, and since we still have all our baby stuff in storage, there will be far fewer costs this time around.

Daddy's Little Girl

Eva is absolutely in love with “Dada", and follows him around like a puppy. She cries when he leaves for work in the morning, and is there to greet him with an excited squeal when he gets home. If we drive out to visit him at work, she'll see the building out the window and start calling for him. At church the other day, Eva was sitting on his lap when Dave suddenly had to take an urgent phone call outside. Eva ran after him, indignantly calling "dada!" at the top of her voice. She was enjoying his attention and didn't want to let him out of her sight. He's her favorite playmate, and they are like two peas in a pod.

Monkey See, Monkey Do

It appears that we reached the "copycat" stage. Whatever we do, Eva will try to mimic us. The last time we visited Dave at work, Eva saw him run his finger along a dusty windowsill to check up on the housekeeper. She promptly went up to the next window with her little finger, and started playing in the dust. When we were wrapping presents for Operation Christmas Child at church, she tried to help Daddy put the wrapping paper on the box. While most of the time it's cute, at times it can get downright dangerous. Last week she grabbed a Q-tip out of the drawer and tried to stick it in her ear like she's seen us do. It's amazing how observant toddlers are, soaking up everything like a sponge. You have to watch every move you make, and every word you say. Eva's trying to copy our words too, though without much success yet. She's talking up a storm these days, rattling on in her precocious baby talk. You can't understand a word she says, but it sounds awfully important. I think we might have a chatterbox on our hands.

Warm Weather

Autumn has flown by so quickly, but it's been so warm and dry with Santa Ana winds, it hasn't even felt like fall. I expected September to be warm, but every day in October and November has hovered around in the 80's along the coast, and 90's inland (where Dave works), with only one or two chilly days to break it up. Eva wasn't able to wear any of her cute new winter outfits until just after Thanksgiving, and even then it hasn't been cold enough to enjoy a fire in the fireplace. We're still waiting for some rain, and we're long overdue. I actually feel like I was gypped out of my favorite season.

11/17/06 - Living And Learning

Eva is making new discoveries every day. She can stack blocks, try on shoes, straighten her glasses, and climb down stairs. She recognizes common words and phrases like "sit down", "don't touch", or "give it to Mommy". I can ask her to bring me something, and she knows exactly what to do. Though few people beyond Dave and myself can understand her, she tries to say "doggy", "glasses", "ducky", "sit", and "dolly". She loves climbing, whether on furniture or people, and loves to throw things, too. Already she's clocked me a few times with the remote control or her plastic doll's bottle. By far, the hardest thing for her is learning what she can't do. When she can't climb up or reach far enough, or get a toy to do what she wants (like a tower of blocks falls over before she's done), she's likely to unleash her frustration with a scream or tantrum. I try not to help her too much, because I want her to try, make mistakes, and learn to do things herself. Persevering through frustration is an important life skill. Secondly, I don't want to reward tantrums by teaching her that throwing a fit will automatically send Mommy rushing to her service.

Jaws

Lately Eva's appetite has been ravenous, and she constantly wants something to eat. I always try to give her something healthy, like a banana, yogurt, cheese or cheerios. It appears we've got another growth spurt coming up. When she was little, she grew at an incredible rate, always in the 97th percentile. Since trading nursing for normal food, she's back in the medium size range. At 17 months old, she's currently wearing 18-month clothes, which is the first time she has actually worn a size designed for her age group, rather than for several months older. If she truly is on the verge of another growth spurt, she might soon fit back into 24-month clothes again.

Cup Of Joe

From the moment I first found out we were going to be parents, my coffee addiction was rudely disrupted, first by nausea, and then by the fact that caffeine passed on in my breast milk would wire Eva for sound. Even during a rare trip to Starbucks for a seasonal treat (pumpkin spice latte...mmm!), I always had to make sure it was decaf. Now that Eva only occasionally nurses at night and before her mid-day nap, I decided it was safe to re-introduce my morning cup of coffee. We're having chilly fall weather, after all, so it's perfect timing. However, I wasn't prepared for my body's reaction after a nearly two-year caffeine hiatus. I started feeling nervous and jittery after only half a cup, and found it rather uncomfortable. I guess I'll have to back down to half-cafe. I'll have to really boost my resistance before even considering my former favorite caffeine-laden treat: a creamy coffee drink at Cinnabon called a Mochalatta Chill.

Stomach Bug

A couple nights ago, Eva suddenly became sick. It took me by surprise because she had been feeling fine all day. At 5pm she started acting fussy, and then threw up 8 times in two hours. Dave was gone on a three-day business trip, and I struggled to keep Eva comfortable while cleaning up after every incident. It was a new experience for me. Eva had never been this sick before, and I had never had to do it alone. Before the night was over, she’d filled two laundry baskets with soiled pajamas, towels, and clothes (both hers and mine). Exhausted, she finally fell asleep in my arms, and I put her down in her crib. I went to check on her a little while later, only to find that she had vomited in her sleep, but was so tired it didn't even wake her up. I had to clean her up and strip the bed, and just layer her crib with towels.

The next day, she seemed to be doing a lot better. Her appetite still wasn't back and she'd only eat soda crackers and water, but she was able to keep everything down. Dave came home early to help, and at one point she was doing so much better we figured it was over and took her with us on an errand. Unfortunately, it made her carsick, and we had to take her car seat out and clean it when we got home. I guess that's a stupid mistake that first-time parents make. To make matters worse, our water pressure has been fluctuating with city workers messing with our water lines. We never have any notice or warning; we just turn on the faucet to discover only a trickle. Sometimes there isn't enough to wash dishes, much less a load of laundry.

What Do You Do All Day?

If there is anything that tempts stay-at-home-moms to rejoin the workforce more than hearing this question, I don't know what it is. From the beginning, Dave and I mutually decided that I would stay home and raise the children. We both feel it is important for kids to have a parent at home, especially in today's uncertain, relationally disconnected world. But for some reason, the question of what I do all day makes me feel like I have to prove that I wasn't wasting time, watching soap operas and eating bon-bons. Part of the reason is that I can never seem to come up with a satisfactory answer that sounds like the day was even remotely productive. "Eva and I learned how to stack blocks, we ate spaghettios and sang the Alphabet song half a million times. How was your day?" I know the grocery shopping, cooking and laundry didn't do themselves, but they're so routinely monotonous, half the time I can't remember whether I did it yesterday or today.

I hate knowing I straightened up a room, but then gave up because a whirlwind toddler was right behind me to take it apart. I hate feeling guilty because I left a bunch of clutter on the bathroom counter, and opted for "me time" to check my e-mail or crash on the couch and watch the History Channel during Eva's nap instead of cleaning up. Dave is such a neat freak, and though he never complains, I know I'm not a very good housekeeper. I just wish I could know where to start, or even have the passion to care if I did. Now, don't get me wrong, I can't stand anything gross. I clean the kitchen countertops and toilets, throw out old food and don't let anything grow. But clutter is another story. I don't mind unopened mail collecting dust on our desk, folded laundry still stacked in the basket near our bed, or something sitting on the kitchen counter because I haven't had time to deal with it yet. That's harder for me to stay on top of.

Hard At Work

David’s job has been requiring a lot more time lately, through circumstances we can’t control, which is hard for me to accept. The week my Grandma died, I had to take Eva to Orange County by myself for most of the week, because Dave’s Marketing Director and Maintenance Director had quit the same week. That left him doing three jobs by himself, handling guided tours, repairing a roof leak and moving a resident to another apartment until he could get their positions filled. He ended up working 13 straight days with no day off, and even had to work a half-day on the day of her funeral. And since he’s on salary, he gets no overtime or compensation whatsoever. Ideally, when he lost a day off one week, he’d be able to take an extra day the next, but it’s taken me two years to finally realize that’s never going to happen. A day off, once lost, is lost forever. Even if he plans for an alternative day off, something always comes up so he has to go into work anyway, and it’s gotten to the point where he’s having to give away at least two days off a month (usually a Saturday). It’s lost time with his family that can never be reclaimed. I don’t blame Dave. I know he’s a hard worker and good at his job, putting his whole heart into it. He really cares about his residents. He’s not a workaholic and would much rather be home. It’s just that to do his job well and meet his goals (or keep from falling behind), he’s having to put in about 60 hours a week, and it bugs me that his company looks the other way, offering him neither an assistant, nor compensation for all his overtime. He’s got a little girl at home that he barely gets to see for more than an hour before she goes to bed, and a family that wants to see him on the weekends. It bugs me that a man who works hard to support his family doesn’t get enough time to actually enjoy the rewards.

11/6/06 - My Lil' Princess

Another Halloween has come and gone, though I can hardly believe it. My friend Rachel was born on the 31st, so we threw a surprise party for her, and all the kids came dressed up in their costumes. Eva was an adorable medieval princess. We decided to stay home for Halloween so Eva could get a good night's rest, and just pass out candy to trick-or-treaters. We had alot less this year than last year, so we ended up with alot of extra candy. I made Dave take it to work so I wouldn't eat it all!

In The Spotlight

I've had so many people over the last year tell me how cute Eva is and how she should be in commercials, I began to wonder if that were really true. Recently there was a "baby search" at our local mall, so I decided to take Eva and find out how'd she do. She won 1st Runner-Up in her age category, which means she qualifies for the state finals and her entry fees are covered. Although the thought of her possibly winning a $1000 or more savings bond is tempting, I don't think we'll go to the state finals. They'll be 3 hours away in Bakersfield (a grueling drive for an active toddler), which would mean the expense of a hotel overnight, all for the gamble that she might win runner-up again, in a more competitive situation. And since they judge 50% appearance and 50% personality, she'd have to be in a good mood, which would be unlikely after a bunch of traveling. It just wouldn't be fun for her, so it's not worth the extra stress.

Fun and Games

Eva's enjoying our Mommy-and-Me group more, now that she can run around with the older toddlers and climb on the playground equipment. At 17 months old, she's very interactive and social, and always wants someone to play with her. At home, that's usually me, so we're getting to be pretty good playmates. One of her favorite new games is playing "mommy" to her little dolly. She loves to feed the baby a bottle (ironic, since she never got a bottle). She'll put the doll over her shoulder and pat it's back, then give it a big kiss. She's learned how to kiss by humming "mmm" until her lips touch her target (like your cheek), and then she'll let go with a loud "mu-ah!" It's so cute to watch! Eva also loves sorting and stacking (in her own disorganized way). She'll empty the magazine rack and start bringing them to me one by one, or she'll grab the socks I've folded and start piling them up on a chair, then move the pile somewhere else, a few at a time. Were she an adult, it would be an interesting sort of busywork that looks important, but accomplishes nothing. For a kid, however, it's an important part of discovery. She's noticed her reflection in the shiny floor tiles of our church's foyer, and will crouch down to wave at herself or even try to kiss her reflection. One of her new words is "poo-poo!", which she repeats every time we change her diaper, whether she's done #2 or not. She likes to make growling sounds when playing with her toy shark in the tub. She's figured out how to climb on and off the couch, and to slip her skinny arm behind childproofed cabinet doors to grab packets of instant oatmeal or anything else within reach.

Fall Weather

We're in the middle of the Southern California fire season, when warm Santa Ana winds blow west through the canyons and make the air unusually hot and dry. Static electricity is abundant, and one spark could set off a dangerous wildfire. Last week we had a wicked firestorm that was started by an arsonist, and killed five firefighters. They finally caught a suspect and are charging him with first-degree murder. I hope to see the cool fall weather coming back soon. Though we haven't had any rain yet, the higher humidity, morning fog and cooler temperatures help firefighters put out brushfires and prevent new ones. I, for one, am happy to welcome winter weather here. It's never cold enough to snow, just enough to curl up in flannel sheets and pajamas, wear a warm sweater and drink hot cocoa. To me that's a perfect medium. I'm not a fan of scraping ice off my windshield or shoveling snow. To David, any weather that won't permit sandals and shorts is too cold. He prefers the summer, when he can surf without a wetsuit. Eva seems to take either in stride. So long as she can move freely and play, long-sleeved or short-sleeved makes little difference to her.

Family Outing

We’ve been trying to get to Bates Nut Farm to pick out a pumpkin for several weeks now, but with Great-Grandma’s death and everything else that was going on, it just hasn’t happened. Well, we finally were able to go last Saturday, and though the pumpkin patch is gone, they had a classic car show and craft fair that was fun to see. They also had all the animals where the kids could see them, so Eva enjoyed trying to feed the ducks and sheep. It was great to get out as a family for a day, and just enjoy the season.

10/25/06 - Another Goodbye

This has been a long, difficult week. Last Thursday, my Grandmother (Eva’s Great-Grandmother) started feeling ill. By Friday, it was bad enough that my Aunt called my parents in Oregon and told them to come down. On Saturday morning I arrived to help (she lives 45 minutes away from me, in Orange County). She was weak and nauseated, and needed help getting to the bathroom. Even though she got horribly dizzy whenever she sat up, she insisted on getting up and into a wheelchair to use the restroom. We had paramedics come and carry her downstairs to a hospital bed and oxygen machine that Hospice had provided. Sick as she was, she still had specific instructions on how to wipe her forehead with a damp cloth ("don't wipe off my eyebrows!") how to make her oatmeal, and made sure we weren't smashing ice chips for her on her favorite countertops. A perfectionist to the last!

My parents arrived late Saturday night, in time to talk to her before she lost her powers of speech. Sunday she was drifting in and out of consciousness, made easier with meds that helped her relax and sleep. She passed away peacefully on Monday morning, at 87 years old. Only a week before, we had taken her out to Olive Garden for her birthday. I'm grateful she went so quickly, and was able to stay at home. She certainly didn't want to go to the hospital, and she wouldn't have wanted to linger in a weakened state where she was dependent on people. She was a very proud and independent woman. We had her memorial service on Thursday evening, and the next afternoon buried her remains alongside Grandpa in a vault overlooking a beautiful park.

Twilight Zone

The week after my Grandma's passing was an absolute whirlwind. When my Grandpa died six months ago, we only had to plan the funeral and help to comfort my Grandma. This time, however, we had to settle her affairs, plan her memorial, select a burial vault for the two of them, decide what to do with the house (my aunt would rather move in than sell or rent it), and it didn't take long for us to realize that we had to divide her household valuables between the sisters before my parents left. The winter snow would make it impossible for them to come back before next summer. It was difficult for my mom and aunt, who wished they could have had more time to grieve before going through her things. It made them feel like vultures, though nothing could be farther from the truth. They would have given anything to have their parents back.

My Little Angel

Eva was an incredibly patient baby through all this craziness, even with everything she had to put up with. All week I drove back and forth between Orange County and home, leaving around 9am and often not getting home before 10pm. All day she would run around Great-Grandma's large house, playing with the relatives and enjoying the commotion. Sometimes she'd get so wound up she'd refuse to nap in her playpen in the afternoon. Eva would finally fall asleep in the car seat on the way home, and sometimes end up sleeping in her clothes because I forgot to pack her pajamas. She didn't get her teeth brushed all week because I kept forgetting her toothbrush, though she would occasionally get a bath at my Grandma's house before the drive home. It was a pretty insane schedule. There was so much to do and so little time, and everyone was physically and emotionally exhausted. I'm glad it's over and things are starting to get back to normal.

Shoes

When I took Eva to get a dress for the funeral, I had to find black patent leather shoes to match it. When I finally found a pair that fit, Eva was so attached to them she wouldn't let go, and the cashier scanned them in her hands. Just for fun, I gave Eva the money to give to the cashier, so she could buy them. The lady thought that was so cute. As we left the store, Eva waved her prize around to show everyone, yelling "shoes!" and excitedly making the sign for them. Eva is obsessed with shoes, one of the first clear signs of her budding femininity. She loves to try on mine, and will take hers out of the diaper bag or drawer and carry them all over the house. It's one of her favorite words to say and sign. She's in a "carrying" phase now, where anything of interest is picked up and carried around the house. As a result, I'm starting to find things in the oddest places. Once I found a bunch of diapers on my bed that Eva had taken out of the diaper stacker, and later I finally found her shoes tucked into the same diaper stacker, where she had been playing.

10/9/06 - Out And About

The last week of September, David went with our church down to Biloxi, Mississippi, to help rebuild homes that were destroyed by hurricane Katrina last year. Since we couldn't go with him, I decided to fly up to Oregon and visit my family while he was gone. Not until a few days before did I start to dread the thought of trying to entertain a squirmy toddler on my lap for two connecting flights, all by myself! Luckily, my parents already had a playpen, car seat and portable high chair ready for me, so all I had to bring was the stroller. Getting through security was a bit of a challenge. I had to dump the water out of her sippy cup, take off my shoes and fold up the stroller to send through the x-ray machine, all while trying to make sure Eva didn't try to run off. I had stocked up the diaper bag with snacks, board books and small toys she'd never seen before. The little slinky was the biggest hit, and so were the crayons. And while I expected fellow passengers to recoil at the mere sight of a toddler seated in their row, every person God gave me to sit next to turned out to be enamored by her cuteness, eager to play with her and help keep her entertained. What a blessing!

Family Ties

I really enjoyed my time in Oregon, and it was good to see my family again. Eva was intimidated by their dogs at first, especially when the little silky kept jumping on her and excitedly trying to lick her face. But soon she was able to enjoy playing with them, and improved her walking skills by following them all over the house. The first two days were a weekend, so Eva had a blast playing with Aunt Barocha (14) and Uncle Caleb (12). She seemed to think Caleb was her personal entertainer, and would run to him whenever he caught her eye. We went to a park to see the Rogue River and bought tack supplies for the new horse they bought. Monday through Friday my parents worked while the kids were in school, so I could continue Eva's normal schedule and make sure she got her naps. At first she had difficulty staying asleep in the port-a-crib (in fact, twice I took her to bed with me, just to get some sleep), but soon some folded blankets for added padding and a droning air purifier helped her stay down. In the afternoons I'd supervise one kid riding the horse, giving pointers while the other played with Eva, pulling her in a toy wagon on the lawn. She loved it! Eva started getting sick about halfway through the trip, with a stuffy, runny nose. At the end of the week, we drove to Jacksonville to do a little sightseeing, and then flew home the next day.

Oregon Visit, Fall '06

 

Autumn Breezes

Fall is my absolute favorite time of year, and I'm excited to finally feel the nip in the air and be able to wear jeans all day. It's strange to think that only a month ago today, I was still sweltering even in a tank top. But now I get to enjoy flannel sheets, warm pajamas, hot cocoa, and the crisp morning air (I know, I live in Southern California, but we do have some seasons, LOL). Rain is finally in the forecast, so we can enjoy the sweet, fresh smell after the rain, and even light up the fireplace for the first time this year! I can't wait to take Eva to the Apple Festival in Julian and to pick out a pumpkin at Bates Nut Farm. Last year she was barely 5 months old and couldn't really enjoy it, though we did get some adorable pictures out of it. What a difference a year makes!

Oops!

This Saturday we went for a drive and stopped at a duck pond to feed the ducks. While I was taking a picture of Eva walking, a gust of wind blew the stroller into the pond. Everything in the diaper bag was ruined, including my wallet, Pocket PC and cell phone. It’s been a few days now, and my PDA seems to have dried out enough to start working while plugged in, although not on it’s own battery. Hopefully that will improve so I don’t have to replace it. Thankfully all the info on it was either backed up on my computer or the memory card, so I didn’t lose any pertinent information. With my cell phone, I haven’t been so lucky. The keypad has shorted out and won’t work at all, so it looks like I’ll have to buy a new one.

Falling In Love

When I was a kid, I heard over and over from my parents and others how I was “growing up so fast”. As a kid, that makes absolutely no sense. The next birthday, and the privileges that come with it, always seem an eternity away. You just can’t wait to grow up and “do anything I want” (the common childish misperception of adulthood). Watching my little girl grow day by day, however, I’m struck by the truth of that over-used statement. Now 16 Months, she truly is growing up so fast, and yet so gradually, it’s easy to miss if we don’t pay attention. Every day, she becomes more like the person she’s going to be, and less like the person I knew yesterday. She’s barely a toddler, but already I can see a haunting glimpse of her preschool persona looming on the horizon. I miss my baby, but I’ve fallen in love with my little girl.

New Discoveries

Today after lunch, I decided to play a quiet game with Eva before her nap. I pulled out a shape-sorting toy that up until now, I’ve ignored because it seemed too advanced for her. But she’s such a copycat right now that I figured even watching me would give her an idea. I put the shapes in her hand and directed her to the correct slots, and after a few times she got the gist of the game. Then she grabbed a couple shapes of her own and out of nowhere, pointed them at the slot with the same color. How did she figure that one out? All of a sudden, she was recognizing matching colors! I pointed to the color she had in her hand and said “Purple, Eva! That one’s purple.” “Pubble!” she repeated proudly. How did she learn that so quickly? I know she probably won’t remember tomorrow, and much more repetition will be needed before she fully understands it, but I’m already amazed at how sharp she is. After a few rounds I could see she was beginning to get impatient and frustrated (clear signs that she’s tired), and suggested “Night, night, Eva? Do you want a nap?” I put my head to the side, rested against my folded hands in simulated sleep. She smiled and put her little hand against her tilted head to sign “sleep”, and then crawled into my lap, put her arms around me, and laid her head on my shoulder. Who couldn’t love a baby who tells you when she’s ready for a nap?

9/16/06 - Adventures in Parenting

This has been a very eventful week. We were on our way out the door to have dinner at a friend’s house when I jammed my little toe in a doorway. At first I thought it was nothing, but by the time we got there my whole foot was throbbing. I ended up spending most of the visit with my foot elevated and packed in ice. The next morning, the whole left side of my left foot was purple and blue, though the swelling was down and it was a lot less painful. I’m glad winter is coming so I can wear shoes. This is the second time I’ve tried to break a toe this summer while walking barefoot.

The weather is getting cooler, and for the first time this week I actually was able to wear jeans all day. I found out all the 24-month pants I bought for Eva are too long, and she trips over them. All summer she’s been wearing 24-month dresses, so I thought they would fit. I guess I’m going to have to roll the cuffs and get her some 18-month pants that are hopefully not too tight around the waist.

Great-Grandma was in the hospital most of the week, and when she came home I went up to take care of her for a couple days until the home health care company could send somebody over. She was pretty weak, but glad to be home, and more than glad to spend some time with Eva. She has such an enormous floor plan that Eva had a blast pushing her little car all over the house, showing off her new walking skills. I had to watch her with an eagle eye because she loves to get into Great-Grandma’s cabinets and other non-childproofed areas. She’s learned how to climb into her toy box at home and dump out all the toys, so it’s her new favorite activity. She also tries to climb into the bottom drawer in the kitchen, but she keeps getting stuck and has to call for me to help her out.

Temper, Temper!

Eva finally threw her first real temper tantrum, and it was in public, of course! I was at the UPS store and she got mad because I wouldn't let her pull greeting cards out of the display stand. She started throwing a fit, so I picked her up, put my hand over her mouth to muffle her yelling, strapped her into the stroller and gave her a sippy cup to distract her. It worked long enough to get us out of there. I knew I shouldn't have tried to run errands while she was tired, but I had gotten sick of waiting for her to go to sleep and finally decided to go anyway, hoping she'd drift off in the car. I won't make that mistake again.

9/11

Last week marked the fifth anniversary of September 11th. I was solemn most of the day, watching memorial TV specials and reflecting on all that had happened. It's so sad to think about, but so necessary to remember, lest we lose sight of what we're fighting against and become complacent. Eva was born into a post-9/11 world. It will be all she has ever known, with no memory of anything different. I hope that someday, her generation will see a victorious end to the War on Terror, in the same way my generation witnessed the end of the Cold War. It made me a little nervous to know that we will be flying again soon under an elevated (orange) threat level. However, I do believe we're safer now than we were 5 years ago, when we ignored the threats instead of acting on them. In less than two weeks, Dave is off to Biloxi to help with the Katrina rebuilding effort, and Eva and I are flying to Oregon to visit my family. It ought to be interesting, taking two connecting flights with an energetic 15-month old on my lap! I'm packing snacks and some small new toys she's never seen to try to hold her attention. Wish me luck!

9/4/06 - Recharging

Eva is beginning to show that her memory is growing. Now she remembers places and faces even a month afterward. When I took her in for her last shot, she began to cry the minute she saw the nurse come in with the tray. Suddenly she knew what was coming. It's the first time she's had that reaction. Now 15 months old, Eva is requiring a lot more interaction and attention. She's not as satisfied to play by herself: now she wants me to join her. She’ll want to show me a book or toy she found, and will bring it to me to read or watch me demonstrate it. She likes to role-play, giving me her toy phone to talk into, then taking it back for her turn. Most of the time it's fun and cute, but sometimes it can be draining.

She notices when I sit down to read or watch a show, suddenly decides I'm ignoring her and wants my attention. Sometimes she wants it while I'm trying to cook or get something else done. Whether it's just a reassuring hug or satisfying her curiosity, it's getting constant, and at times it can get draining. For the first time since she was born, I'm beginning to feel the need for occasional time out of the house without her (in the house, I'm always on-call). It used to be a change of scenery, like a trip to the grocery store, was enough to refresh me because she was quietly fascinated. Now I often have to entertain her while we're out, so it's not relaxing anymore. I feel sort of guilty for having even the slightest desire to be away from her, but if it means I'll have more to give, I just have to go ahead and find ways to get a break and recharge myself.

Exploration

Toddlers can turn the most common object into a plaything. Eva takes the plastic placemats off the table and pushes them around on the carpet like a sled. I have to keep the caps tight on my water bottles around the house because Eva likes to try to drink out of them, drenching herself and the floor. She's started going after kleenex boxes to pull out all the tissues. She found my pre-pregnancy bras in a bottom drawer and decided to try them on for size. Food is as much of a discovery opportunity as anything else.

Eva loves to play with her food, dumping her bowl or plate, spreading it around her tray, picking out her favorite pieces. She'll chew on something, take it out of her mouth to look at it, and put it back. She'll try to feed herself with a toddler spoon or fork, then switch to the tried-and-true finger method. She'll notice that Mommy and Daddy's food looks different from what she's eating (hers is cut into tiny pieces), and instantly want our food instead of hers. When she's done, she'll start dropping food onto the floor and then sign for "more" to play with. Once when I was making dinner, Eva decided she didn't want to wait. I turned around to see her calmly munching on chocolate-covered pretzels. She had somehow managed to grab the box off the table and pry the lid off. Her hands, face and clothes were smeared in chocolate, but she was thoroughly enjoying her accomplishment.

Turning Point

Up to about 14 months, toddlers aren't really capable of deliberately defying you. They may disobey you about touching the light socket a dozen times, but it's because everything around them looks so interesting, they have short memories, and little, if any, impulse control. The only thing you can do at this time is distract, redirect, and hide anything dangerous. Between 15 and 18 months, however, toddlers are beginning to understand and remember the boundaries you have set. Now the game has become: what reaction will I get if I push this boundary? It's not malicious, it's just normal curiosity to see how much power they have and who is really in charge.

I've already seen this starting to bud in Eva. Whereas before she'd be so absorbed in exploring she would barely hear me say "no", now she'll look straight at me, smile, and deliberately do something I just told her not to, like throw her food or push the power button on the computer. She wants to see what will happen and what my reaction will be. It's an interesting development. I've read that now is the crucial time to establish two bedrock principles: we love you unconditionally, and Mommy and Daddy are in charge. They say a child who doesn't respect parental authority (balanced with the confidence of being loved no matter what) by the age of two, is much more likely to have discipline problems in the future. That doesn't mean they'll stop being toddlers and no longer push the limits. It just means they need to understand that a loving parent will be there to firmly hold the line when they try to cross it, and not be a push-over. It gives children a sense of security to know where the boundaries are, and that people who love them are there to rein them in.

Here, Kitty, Kitty!

Eva and Rebel have developed an affectionate but tumultuous relationship. Rebel's favorite spot is the cushion on my dining room chair, but this is the perfect height for Eva to pat, poke, prod, pull hair, and even occasionally try to pull his tail or put it in her mouth. Rebel's response is usually a lazy "meow", getting up to stretch and reposition himself, and then plopping back down in the exact same spot, as if begging for more abuse. Eva is then likely to try pushing the chair around the kitchen with Rebel still in it. Eventually, he finally gets tired of these games, and jumps the safety gate in search of a quieter place to curl up. I wish he would get out of her way sooner. Half the time he’s so quiet I don’t even notice she’s bothering him until he’s fed up.

8/23/06 - Little Person

Eva is definitely her own person. Her little expressions and idiosyncrasies are so adorable, and it's fascinating to watch her blossom into a little individual. She loves music and will start to boogie whenever she hears some playing. Once we were in a store where they were playing hip-hop, and the sight of her jamming away in her stroller got the clerks, and everyone standing in line, laughing. I love the way she taps her toes in her car seat whenever I turn on the radio. How she crawls up to me, throws herself in my arms, and tries to squeeze the life out of me with a strong baby hug. The way she laughs watching the "Baby Einstein" puppets, or home movies of her playing with Daddy. How she always tries to shove both hands full of food into her mouth at once, a true two-fisted eater. That she claps and squeals whenever she's proud of herself for doing a new trick, or when someone does something she thinks is funny.

It's hilarious that she gets as giggly as a 12-year-old when she's tired. I love how she starts waving "bye-bye" to people whenever she decides she's ready to leave. When she pretends to read out loud to herself, and babbles in sweet baby talk to us. How she has started constantly adjusting her glasses, pushing them back into place with her chubby hands. It's such a grown-up gesture for such a tiny person. I love the way she cuddles close to me when I rock her to sleep, slow dancing to a lullaby CD in the gentle glow of her night-light. All these little baby behaviors will someday be a memory, but I will cherish every one.

Averting Disaster

Eva's favorite activities right now tend to be either messy or downright dangerous. She loves to feed herself, so this morning I gave her oatmeal with a spoon and then made myself toast. By the time I turned around, she had given herself a full oatmeal face mask, including hair, ears, eyes, and under her chin. I decided to try an edible play-dough recipe made with peanut butter, and she loved playing with it, smashing it up between her fingers and tasting it, of course. Later we went walking along the beach with my friends, and when we stopped to let the kids play in the sand, Eva went straight for the closest cigarette butt and put it in her mouth. Then there are her home hobbies, like trying to stand up on everything from the changing table to the highchair. If I open the fridge or kitchen cabinet, she'll hurry over and start grabbing anything within reach to investigate.

She likes to pull things down from high areas that are now within her reach. I can't leave a glass on the kitchen table because she'll grab the placemat it's sitting on and pull it down. She'll find my dishtowels and wipe the floor with them. She likes to climb around under the table and chairs in pursuit of the cat, stopping along the way to pick up any morsel on the floor that I missed as a stale snack. In the office upstairs, she'll pull papers off the desk, empty the bookshelf, take papers out of the trash to play with, then try to fiddle with the keyboard or mouse I'm using. In the living room, she wants the remote control so she can push the buttons and play with the TV. Then she likes to empty the magazine rack and play with all the pages. In the bathroom, she goes straight for the toilet paper to unravel and shred the roll. Nothing is safe from her inquisitive hands.

Going Blank

One of the lingering effects of having a child is your brain short-circuiting at inconvenient times. For instance, every night when Dave gets home, he usually asks me "what did you guys do today?" Suddenly, for the life of me, I can't recall what I did all day. Now, I know I didn't spend it sitting on my butt because I'm worn out, and I haven't had time to watch my favorite show for a week. But for some reason, I'm drawing a blank. On a typical day I'll tackle a thousand small tasks around the house: emptying the trash cans and diaper pail, wiping down the bathroom countertop, replacing the toilet paper roll, folding and putting away Eva's clothes, throwing another load of whites in the wash, emptying and reloading the dishwasher, washing and refilling Eva's sippy cups, restocking the diaper bag, putting meat out to thaw for dinner, making a trip to the store, putting the groceries away. All this in between feeding, changing, dressing and entertaining Eva all day, not to mention the time it takes me to finally get her down for a nap, and maybe getting a chance to sneak in a shower. When I take the time to really think about it, my day is very busy, full of the typical things that have to get done. So why is it, at the end of the day, it's all a blur and I can't think of one thing I've accomplished?

Summer Season

July was unusually hot this year, but August has been unseasonably cool so far. It actually feels like autumn, my favorite time of year. Some schools have already started classes. I know we're due to warm up again soon, and September is usually the hottest month of the year, but for now I'm enjoying the much-needed break from the summer heat. I've been getting tired of just throwing my hair into a pony tail to get it out of my way, so I decided to have my friend Rachel (a hair stylist) cut my hair. We went over to their house for dinner, and our husbands watched the kids while she cut, colored and styled my hair in her kitchen. I decided to go really short, and with the weight gone, my hair is so curly that people think I had a perm. It's actually naturally curly, you just can't tell when it's long, and the highlights Rachel gave me make it look even better.

8/16/06 - Baby Steps

Eva's finally walking! She's been pushing herself up to a stand for months, but would always sit herself down again. This week she finally started hazarding a few steps. At first it was just a shaky shuffle forward, but as her confidence is building, so is her skill. I back away from her, hold out my hands toward her, and she toddles over with a big grin on her face before throwing herself in my arms. It's her favorite a game, and gets her giggling like crazy. Walking isn't yet her preferred mode of transport; if she wants to get somewhere, crawling is still a lot faster and easier. But it won't be long before she permanently joins the world of the bipeds!

Five Years

David and I celebrated our 5th anniversary on August 11th. Our friends babysat while we went out for a romantic dinner. It's amazing to think how quickly five years have flown. Neither of us can really believe it. And now we're a family of three. That makes time fly even faster! I'd have to say that as much as I enjoyed it when it was just the two of us, I enjoy being parents together even more. Sure, we have a lot less couple time than we'd like, but we're both in love with our daughter, and wouldn't have it any other way. We're still the best of friends, and we make a pretty good team, too. I get to see Dave's softer side a lot more now that he's a Dad. He dotes on Eva, and she's got him tied around her little finger. I see how hard he works to provide for his family, and the pride he takes in introducing Eva to people as "my little girl". The joy in his face when she greets him in the evenings with an exuberant "Dada! Dada!" He's the perfect family man, and I'm blessed to call him mine.

Neighbors

You never really know your neighbors until you have kids. There's the kid up the street who likes to rev his engine in the parking space outside our front door (hasn't he ever heard of a muffler?); the new neighbor with the 10 year old who decides to bellow on her karaoke machine at 10pm; the guy next door who smokes on his back patio, even though he knows the ocean breezes blow the smoke into our windows, and all the teenagers on the block, who seem to find the house across the street the best place to yell, squeal and hang out. It’s a miracle that Eva gets as much sleep as she does!

Teach Your Children Well

Discipline at this age can be kinda hazy, because they're simply not old enough to remember what's off limits, or restrain themselves if they do. This is a self-centered age, all about discovery and exploration, and they have no concept of limits, self-control, or other people's feelings. Eva wants to get into anything and everything, and she is not mature enough to learn how to curb her impulses. I'm a firm believer in letting children learn from the natural consequences of their actions, but Eva's still too young to remember what those consequences were and avoid doing it again. For instance, this week she lost her footing while trying to climb the stairs and fell down three of them (thank God they’re carpeted!). Only a few minutes of crying later, she wanted to climb them again and was upset that I wouldn't let her.

They say that you primarily have to distract and redirect a toddler's attention until they're old enough to understand what is and is not acceptable. I use that strategy as much as possible, though sometimes it doesn’t work. When I'm changing her diaper, for instance, she doesn't want the toys I give her to keep her occupied; she wants to get up! And no matter how I try to distract her while loading the dishwasher, nothing is as interesting to her as dirty silverware. I usually try to wait until she's in her highchair or napping, but sometimes when the sink is overflowing, I just need get it done. This week she grabbed a steak knife from the washer and wouldn't let it go, so I finally had to slap her little hand. It didn’t hurt her, but she looked surprised and dropped it. I know a lot of people frown on that, but you gotta do what you gotta do to keep your children safe. That knife would have caused a lot more damage than the temporary discomfort I caused.

8/10/06 - Little Entertainer

Now 14 months old, Eva loves being the center of attention. When spending time with friends or family, she likes to show off and get laughs. She'll point to your nose, make a sign, or say a word and then enjoy the applause. Then she'll join in the clapping and laugh hysterically. Once she noticed the "eww!" reaction she got while trying to pick her nose, she started doing it repeatedly in front of our friends as a fun game. This week she tried twice to take a step without holding onto to anything, and both times ended up with a face-plant into the couch. The second time gave her rug-burn and a bruise on her chin, but at least she’s branching out.

She's starting to develop her parent's weird sense of humor, too. A few days ago we were taking a walk and I strolled right through a huge spider web. When I spotted the spider dangling next to my leg, I started jumping around, trying to get rid of it and slapping the web off. Eva watched me from her stroller, thought it was hilarious and belted out a huge belly laugh. A couple days later we were in the car when another vehicle pulled out in front of us, and Dave had to swerve to avoid hitting it. Our hearts racing, we suddenly heard a loud giggle coming from the car seat. What a daredevil!  I was copying our home movies to video for her Grandmother, and Eva was giggling incessantly while watching scenes of her and Daddy playing together. Every night we read a couple storybooks, and always finish with a photo book called “Good Night, Baby.” Lately, about halfway through the book, she starts making farting noises with her mouth. I don’t know what it is about this book that sets her off; maybe she thinks that’s what the baby in the picture is doing…but it’s happened several times now, always at the same page, and I’m beginning to wonder! LOL!

Ever Have One Of Those Days?

I don't consider myself a conspiracy theorist, but sometimes you just gotta wonder if the world's out to get you. Tuesday morning Dave accidentally locked his keys in the truck while it was running, just as he was preparing to go to work. We lost the spare six months ago and never got a replacement because Ford charges $125 for computerized keys. It ended up costing $150 for the locksmith to come out, open the truck and make a spare computerized key, which I guess is a bargain. But add that to the $150 it cost to replace my glasses and the $250 for a new hard drive and data restoration when our computer crashed last month, and I'm beginning to see how quickly emergency expenses can add up.

Later that afternoon our sink started backing up with dirty water from the dishwasher. When I tried running our clogged garbage disposal to try and clear the blockage, the pipe joint under the sink burst and gushed gallons of filthy water all over the kitchen floor. I had to put Eva in her highchair to keep her from crawling through it, clean it up with Dave's wet/dry vacuum and then spray the whole floor with Lysol. I couldn't use the kitchen sink and had to put a bucket under the pipe in case I forgot and ran the water. And now the icing on the cake: I had just gotten Eva's diaper off when she decided to pee all over herself, her clothes, and the changing table. I had to throw her in the tub and clean up yet another mess before trying to make dinner. Needless to say, I just threw in a frozen pizza!