8/31/05 - Getting Bigger

Eva continues to astonish us with her growth rate. She's so tall and has rolls of baby fat, and looks so much older than other babies her age. It's safe to assume at this point that she's doubled her birth weight, and is now a hefty 16 pounds. The weather has been so hot lately, I've had to put baby powder under the folds of her neck to prevent chafing. Eva's also incredibly strong. She's been able to lift her head since she was born, but her head and neck control has increased dramatically since. She loves to stand up on our laps and look around, and though she needs us to hold her balance, she can support her own weight quite well. Her little fingers have a good grip as well, and it can be difficult to pull things out of her grasp. This week she started reaching out for objects for the first time, instead of just grabbing whatever brushes past her hands. She managed to pull a little dangle toy off her car seat and put it in her mouth the other day. She's also started to roll from her back to her side and back again. Our little girl is growing up!

Baby Makes Three

Before Eva was born, I made a resolution to remember that Dave is just as much Eva's parent as I am, and not to monopolize the baby. I try not to criticize his baby-care methods, since women and men have different styles and balance each other out. I've seen new mothers who have beaten down their husband's efforts so badly that the fathers give up, and then the wives wonder why "he doesn't even attempt to help anymore". I believe I've accomplished my goal pretty well. So what if Dave forgets to use Desitin during a diaper change or gives her a bath with plain water without soap? It may not be how I would do it, but it doesn't hurt anything and Eva thrives despite mistakes either of us may make.

Daddy and baby are completely comfortable with one another, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. From day one, Dave's taken Eva for at least a half-hour in the evenings so I could make dinner or take a long shower. What they do during this Daddy-daughter bonding time is just between them, and it gives me a much-needed break. I never worry about leaving her alone with him, so long as she's not hungry. Daddy can't help her there. (She's been known to leave hickeys on Daddy's shoulder when she wants to nurse). I think we make a good team, and parenting together reduces the stress on our marriage.

Mommies Unite

One of the girls at church decided to start a new young mothers group on Thursday mornings, where we can all read a book together, hang out and chat. Last week we started on "The Power of a Praying Wife." It's a nice alternative, since most of my Sunday mornings are spent wandering like a pendulum between the main service and the nursery for diaper changes or breastfeeding. I'm told our pastor wants to start a weekly home group for couples with young children, since there are so many new parents at our church. I hope it materializes. Dave and I went to a Bradley class reunion where we got to see all the babies that had been born. We lined them all up on the couch for a photo shoot. It was so cute! It was strange to see everyone without the huge bellies, and realize we all made it through delivery in one piece!

8/26/05 - Getting to Know You

I know two mothers of babies Eva's age who have already gone back to work. One is still trying to breastfeed by pumping. I can't imagine leaving Eva all day, letting someone else experience all the special moments, or having her compete with other children for attention in daycare. I love the fact that I know Eva better than anybody else, and she'd rather be in my arms than anywhere else. Sometimes it's a little overwhelming, but I know the time when she wants independence will come soon enough, so I don't begrudge a moment of it. I appreciate that I enjoy hundreds of little moments with her that are just between us. I love how she buries her face in my chest to let me know she's tired and hungry. I love the way she clutches at her hair or the front of my shirt with her free hand while nursing. I love the way she coos and gurgles at us when we talk to her and smiles in her sleep. I love that her favorite way to be held is over my shoulder, so she can push up on my lap with her chubby legs and see the world. I love watching her discover the world around her, simple things like the ceiling fan she always finds mesmerizing. I love that her toes curl around my finger like a little monkey whenever I touch her feet. I love that I know my baby better than anyone else.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

I've discovered that you never really get your brain back after having a baby. This week it got more serious than wearing my watch upside-down or shaving the same leg twice. I was taking Eva out of her car seat when I realized the car was rolling backwards out of the garage. Apparently I had forgotten to put the car in park before I shut it off. I had to throw her back in the car seat and quickly jump in the front seat to slam on the parking brake. I've also realized another reason why God designed marriage to come before children: no one but the father of said children would find your post-pregnancy body as attractive! I look in the mirror at everything that has stretched and sagged since Eva was born, and I've resolved never to wear a bathing suit without board shorts again. Fortunately I live in surf country, so it won't be out of place. At least I've lost 35lbs, and am now only 3lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight. I credit that to the fact that I'm breastfeeding, and I go up and down the stairs in my house countless times a day, just changing diapers and trying to get things done. I'm still wearing pants two sizes larger, though, since it appears my hips are not going back to where they were before.

Falling In Step

Looks like Eva's starting to follow her own schedule. She falls asleep between 9 and 11 at night, and once she's down she'll sleep for about four hours. I know this will be the longest stretch she'll stay asleep all night, so I try to go to bed when she does. She wakes about every two hours for the rest of the night to nurse and go back to sleep, then wakes for good around 7:30. Her next nap is around 10am, and then she nods off while nursing occasionally throughout the day. Around 5pm she starts to get cranky and takes another long nap. Her periods of wakefulness are very active now, with her talking up a storm. I went to a women's group a couple nights ago, and she chatted and cooed like a true female, while the baby boys slept through the whole thing. I think she's definitely an extravert.

8/18/05 - Reality Hits

It can be a cruel, cruel world sometimes. Eva has discovered, among other things, that she hates having boogies suctioned from her nose. If she can't breathe though, she can't nurse, so it has to be done. Also on her list of pet peeves are having her face wiped and middle-of-the-night diaper changes (that makes two of us). When she wakes up hungry, the last thing she wants is to be kept waiting by a diaper change. But mommy knows to change her before nursing because she falls back to sleep the moment she feels full. It seems that teething has begun in earnest. I can't feel any bumps yet, but she really enjoys it when I run my finger along her gums looking for them. She's been much more cranky lately, waking several times during the night and constantly chewing on her fingers. She's also having trouble nursing, constantly pulling away and swallowing air, which causes her painful gas. She's such a content baby that I know something is really wrong when she cries. Last night I finally tried giving her some of those baby gas drops, and she slept for 6 straight hours. Hallelujah! And I heard her laugh for the first time this week, while I was changing her diaper. She's giggled in her sleep before, but this is the first time she's done it while awake, responding to one of us.

Through A Mother's Eyes

People say, "you'll feel differently when you have kids", but I had no idea how strong that difference was. The world takes on a whole different look when seen through the eyes of a parent. All the danger stories you hear about hit closer to home, and momma bear instincts are fully heightened. Now when I hear about a child who's missing or suffering a deadly illness, I have heightened pity for the parents, and a sudden urge to hold Eva all the closer. I saw a show on TV about adoption, and got a lump in my throat just thinking about what the birth mothers must be going through. I can't imagine having to part with your child, even when it might be best for them. Even now it’s hard to imagine that I’m somebody’s parent, and am doomed to become the world class worry-wart that mothers are infamous for being. The funny thing is that while I find myself stewing about unlikely events like terror attacks or kidnapping, I don’t really spend much time worrying about more likely scenarios, such as her wanting a belly-button ring at 16 or wrecking my car. The mind is a tricky and somewhat irrational thing.

Time For Mom

Time is a precious commodity these days. Eva is still taking several short naps during the day rather than one or two long ones, which makes it difficult to get anything done. She likes to “snack” nurse for a few minutes several times a day as well, which I think has to do with her being thirsty in the summer heat. She tends to fall asleep nursing, and when I set her down I know the clock is ticking. I try to empty the dishwasher, take out the trash or at least fold half a load of laundry before she wakes up again. Sometimes I set her on my bed within eyesight of the bathroom, hoping the ceiling fan will hold her interest long enough for me to pee. I had originally planned to wear her around the house in a sling, but she has gotten so heavy that carrying her has sent me to the chiropractor with a strained neck and back on more than one occasion.

Finding time to eat lunch can be a challenge, and sometimes it can take over an hour before I finally get a chance to grab a bite. Often I just hold her on one knee and eat with the other. As much as she likes her swing, bouncy chair or activity center, nothing can replace Mommy’s arms. I wait for Dave to get home before I start dinner because I don't want to have to pick her up halfway through and carry her around a hot stove. I do take her grocery shopping with her car seat perched on the shopping cart, and she seems to like taking in all the lights and bright colors. I hope that continues, because it's nice to get out of the house.

8/9/05 - Growing Girl

I’ve had to adjust the shoulder straps in Eva's car seat to the higher slots because she's getting so big. She now weighs 13lbs, 15oz and is 23 1/2 inches long, which her pediatrician says puts her in the 97th percentile. I can't believe she's gained six pounds and 4 1/2 inches in only nine weeks. She's lost that newborn look and now looks more like a Gerber baby, complete with chubby cheeks and double chin. I'm amazed how different she looks from the home video we took in the first few weeks. I've had to sort through her clothes and put away the 0-3 month outfits that are too small now. It's amazing to me that I already have a box of baby clothes under her crib of which I can say, "I remember when she wore that! She was so little!"

I never thought she'd outgrow them so soon. I had to buy some 3-6 month onesies that are somewhat loose on her, but better a bit too big than too tight, especially in this warm weather. She's also graduated to size 2 diapers already. Eva's going through so many changes so quickly, it's hard to keep track. She's starting to display pre-teething behaviors, like drooling and chewing on her fingers. Most babies don’t have to deal with that for another two months, but here we are already! She's starting to have longer periods of sleep and alertness, sometimes sleeping up to 4 hours in a stretch. Though her eyes are still bluish-gray, her left eye is darker and has a hint of brown in it. They still go cross-eyed occasionally. Now when we talk to Eva, she'll start cooing and gurgling back at you, puckering her lips and saying "goo"! Her expressions are so animated you can't help but believe she knows what she's saying. I’ve been told I need to start giving her more time on her tummy, but she's not used to it and doesn't like it.

Precious Innocence

All these changes make me appreciate this precious, fleeting time I have before we have to start disciplining her or worry about her decisions. Right now I can just enjoy her delightful innocence. In some ways I feel like she's from another world and doesn't belong in this one, she's so innocent and trusting. It's no wonder we are apt to call our children angels. Babies are the closest thing to perfection we have on this earth, before they are hurt and corrupted by a cynical world that destroys innocence. My family is down from Oregon to visit, and my parents are really enjoying their granddaughter. My little brother and sister revel in playing uncle and auntie. Mom says she just loves watching me be a mother. She has spent a lot of time on this trip helping her ailing mother, so it has come full circle. It’s incredible to see all stages of life play out simultaneously. We decided to have Eva dedicated to the Lord this weekend, and invited friends to join us for a special breakfast before church to celebrate. It was very special.

First Shots

I had to take Eva in for her first immunizations this week. I'll never forget that surprised look of reproach she gave me, with her lower lip quivering before she broke into a full cry. It was as if I had betrayed her trust, and she couldn’t believe I was capable of it. It tore my heart out. I held her for the most of the day as she slept and fussed, with colorful band-aids decorating her thighs.