4/29/06 - Little Explorer

It's time to batten down the hatches! Eva is pulling herself up and getting into anything within her reach: the magazine rack, the laundry basket, drawers, cabinets, and shelves. She loves to go after folded clothes or take the dust jackets off books. She's also discovered her reflection in the shiny brass of our fireplace cover, making faces at herself and kissing her reflection. I'm already beginning to miss my little baby, though this delightful toddler has stolen my heart.

She's so observant now it's scary. This week, for the first time, she actually paid attention to the Baby Praise and Baby Einstein DVD's I occasionally pop in for her. She clapped her hands with the music, and when a picture of a lion came up and I demonstrated a roar for her, she roared right back at me. Of course she didn't watch for long, crawling around the house being more interesting. Thank goodness for that. I don't want a little couch potato. One behavior I'm not thrilled about is her new tendency to throw herself backward and squirm if she's upset and I'm trying to change her diaper or rock her to sleep. I'm sure her first full-blown temper tantrum isn't far off.

Under The Weather

Grandma is really grieving right now. That big, empty house is so lonely without Grandpa. I've been trying to get up to visit her all week, but Eva and I have been sick with runny noses and coughs, and Dave finally caught it too. Apparently it's going around because my Aunt's kids caught it, and so did my family who just returned to Oregon on Easter. A couple of the kids from church got it, too. Everyone always tries to pin down who started it, but I think that's futile. All you need is your kid touching a toy or doorknob or shopping cart after some sick person did, and whammo! It's difficult because I'm such a night owl, even if I tried to get to bed before 11 I wouldn't be able to sleep, but I know I need more rest. Dave has been crashing around 9 and I know he'd love for us to go to bed together, but I just can't sleep. Eva goes down at 8, and that just doesn't give me enough time to unwind before bed.

Feeding Frenzy

Eva prefers to feed herself now, even refusing at times to be spoon-fed something more substantial. She enjoys finger foods like avocado, banana, kiwi, Cheerios, and cooked veggies like squash, broccoli, corn, peas and carrots. She's discovered her tongue and likes to stick it out or roll it, or play with the food that's sitting on her tongue before eating it. Discovery is a messy business sometimes! She enjoys refried beans or guacamole when we go out to eat, and once she had split pea soup. She even tasted chocolate for the first time when she lifted Cocoa Crispies from Mommy's cereal bowl.

Her nursing during the day has decreased to just before she gets up, naptimes, and bedtime. Since she nurses less, I keep sippy cups of water on hand and offer them to her often throughout the day. Although, when she's not feeling well, she likes to nurse more for comfort and extra fluids. It's good for her immune system, too. As for myself, I'm trying to tone down my portions since I'm not as hungry as before. My chocoholic habit has only grown, though. I found this chocolate tasting website (like wine-tasting, only better!), and decided to try a couple of their recommendations. WOW! That's all I have to say. Hershey's tastes like beeswax compared to these. I'm proud to say, however, that I finally dug out my pre-pregnancy clothes and am now back into my old size 10 jeans. They're a little more form fitting than they were before (I'm a baggy jean kinda girl), but Dave likes the way I look in them, and frankly, so do I.

4/22/06 - First Easter

Eva had a great first Easter, despite all the chaos leading up to it. We really had no time to plan anything special, but she did get an Easter basket with a couple small presents, and Grandma Stone got her a cute outfit and stuffed bunny. We dressed her up in a pretty pink dress and took her to church, where they were having a little street fair in honor of the day. They had a climbing wall and bounce houses, pony rides and a little petting zoo. Eva got to pet a fuzzy bunny and seemed to like it, though she was a bit unsure at first. Dave took her to the mini bounce house for toddlers and let her down the slide. She was a little timid, but laughed all the way down. Then we met up with Dave's family at a restaurant buffet and headed to Aunt Nanci's house for a leisurely afternoon. She had set up a baby swing for Eva on the boy's swing-set, and Eva loved it!

Readjusting

Eva's naps have been getting shorter lately, and sometimes she skips one altogether. I know babies tend to shift from taking two naps to one long one about this age, but her routine has been so messed up by all that's gone on these past couple weeks, it's hard to tell. It's not unusual for her to start getting cranky around 9am, but it will sometimes take until 11 to finally get her down. Then she sleeps through lunch and doesn't eat until 1 in the afternoon, which pushes her normal 2pm nap to somewhere around 4pm, and then it's only for about 20 minutes. I have no idea if I should keep trying to get her down earlier in the morning, or keep her up in her crabbiness until after lunch. Right now it's got me so confused I hesitate to make appointments over what might turn out to be her new naptime.

Mommy Time

My friends Kate and Nicola came to visit me on Monday. Nicola's son, Raphael, is a week older than Eva, but I'd never met him because I couldn’t drive all the way to Pasadena by myself with the baby. It's two hours up and two hours back, and that's too much without someone sitting in the back to entertain her. It was good to see them finally. Her son is a little introvert, and the spitting image of his mama. Mine, on the other hand, took after her extroverted mother by crawling after her new playmate and invading his personal space. Poor kid. He never knew what hit him!

He has weaned himself off the breast already, and I found myself secretly wishing Eva would, then chastising myself for such selfish thoughts, when Nicola is wishing just the opposite. Nursing forces you to stop what you're doing, sit down and just hold the baby for awhile. Oh, the inconvenience! We're so busy these days that if it weren't for nursing, I doubt babies would get the one-on-one bonding time they need for their emotional development and security. And I cherish every moment of, I truly do. I just find myself looking forward to the days when I can eat a chocolate bar or drink Starbucks without wondering how buzzed Eva is going to get from it. And there's several cute tops I've had my eye on lately, but I stop myself from buying them because they'd be too difficult to nurse in. I’ve been looking more seriously at my wardrobe after a jesting comment my sister-in-law made about my pants looking “frumpy”. I’ve suggested that someone ought to submit my name for the TV Show “What Not To Wear”, so I can have $1000 for all new clothes! For that price, they can tease me all they want!

New Season

It's spring now, and the weather is slowly heating up. This week it was warm enough for the kids to play in the wading pool at our Mommy-and-Me group. Another first for baby Eva! She seemed unsure are first, crying when her feet touched the cold water. But soon she was sitting calmly, watching the toys float around her. That is, until she got splashed, which set her off crying again. The shifting weather makes it difficult to dress her, because whatever I choose will inevitably end up being to warm or not warm enough. The mornings are still cold, especially with her crawling on the floor downstairs, so I'll dress her in long sleeves. But by the time I'm out of the house on an errand, it starts to get hot. Then the evenings are too warm for anything but light pajamas, but by morning she's freezing.

I never thought I'd ever say this, because I hate hot weather, but I'll be glad when it's summer and I don't have to guess about how to dress her anymore. One article she's fighting me on is her hat. Just as the powerful afternoon sun threatens to damage her delicate skin, she's decided to develop an aversion to hats. She'll repeatedly pull it off when I'm pushing her along in the stroller, and if I keep putting it back she'll emphasize the point by discarding her glasses, too. It's as if she's saying "That's it! I'm not wearing anything on my head or my face! Nothing, you hear?" Sometimes she'll even go so far as to toss them out of the stroller and onto the pavement, just to make a point. Who says she's not her mother's daughter? It's an issue we'll have to resolve before summer, because her fair skin just begs for a sunburn.

4/15/06 - Family Emergency

Last week was a fast-paced scramble of loss and grief. My Grandfather, Eva's Great-Grandfather, passed away suddenly, and the whole family has been in shock. He had a stroke on Wednesday and was admitted to the hospital, but they wouldn't let me in to see him with the baby. Meanwhile my grandmother had to go in for her chemo appointment for her stage 4 lung cancer. The hospital told my aunt that we needed to find a skilled nursing facility to take Grandpa on Saturday, so I drove up to Laguna Hills on Friday to look for one, bringing Eva with me.

My Mom came down from Oregon to help, and we found a beautiful place just down the street from their neighborhood, called Villa Valencia. They offered the promise of placement in their Assisted Living wing if he improved enough to leave their Skilled Nursing. Grandma seemed to like the place when we took her to see it. Of course Eva and her glasses attracted the attention of every resident and staff person we met. She didn’t seem to mind the attention, kicking back in her stroller with her feet propped up on the tray like it was her own private recliner.

Last Visit

On Saturday I drove up to Laguna Hills again, and took Eva up to see Grandpa in her stroller despite the hospital rules. Grandpa lit up when he saw her, making Donald Duck noises to make her laugh. We sat on the bed next to him while she played with his hand and tried to grab his I.V. cord. I remember thinking how small her tiny hand looked wrapped around his huge finger, and thought it would make a great picture. When it was time to go, I picked Eva up and played "airplane" with her Great-Grandpa, bringing her into his face for a kiss and then pulling her back again. She giggled at the game and he had a big grin when we left.

That night he was transferred to Villa Valencia, and the next morning, Palm Sunday, Dave and I drove up together to see how he was settling in. When we arrived we discovered he was being sent back to the hospital because he pulled his catheter out overnight and injured himself. My Grandma, Mother and Aunt were there to make sure he was OK. He was shivering under two blankets and in pain, and as they loaded him into the ambulance for transfer I told him, "see you soon!" That was the last time any of us saw him conscious.

Passing Away

They wouldn't let us see Grandpa while they fixed his catheter, so we went home for lunch. When we got back to the hospital, they notified us that Grandpa had taken a sudden turn for the worse. He had slipped into a coma due to bleeding on his brain, and would likely be gone within hours. Grandma was shocked and heart- broken. That started a round-the-clock bedside vigil. A chaplain came and prayed with us in the emergency room, then Dave and I went out for supplies for the long night ahead. We bought snacks and bottled water for those staying at the hospital, and toothbrushes and baby supplies for us. Then we took the baby home to Grandma's house and tried to get some sleep. We hadn't even brought a change of clothes, but we knew we needed to stay.

Early the next morning I arrived at the hospital to deliver breakfast, coffee, and more Kleenex. Grandpa was still hanging on. He was breathing so heavily it sounded like a snore, but they assured us he was completely unaware and couldn’t feel any pain. We began to worry if he would continue like that for days. David needed to get back to work, so I dropped him off back in Vista and packed a bag for Eva and myself. When I got back to the hospital I overtook my Dad and little brother and sister at the elevator, who had made it from Oregon by driving through the night. They had just gotten back from getting food for everyone. When we got to his room we learned that a lady from Hospice had finally arrived. She realized that Grandpa was on 100% oxygen, which was forcing air into his lungs and had probably prolonged his life through the night. Grandma decided to have it reduced to normal levels, and to permit the administration of Morphine. We were told that once he relaxed, he would probably pass away quickly. They were right.

Not 20 minutes after I arrived, at 4:15pm, he took his last breath, surrounded by loving family while soft worship music ushered him into eternity. Eva was completely oblivious, squealing and shrieking to test out her new voice while the family wept. At first I thought it might offend, but Eva was simply reminding us that while her Great-Grandfather’s life on earth was coming to an end, the legacy of his fourth generation was just beginning.

Starting to Grieve

It’s hard to believe he’s gone. The evening he passed Grandma stayed up working on her taxes, even though she hadn't slept for 36 hours. I guess she just didn't want to face going to bed alone after 52 years of marriage. Eva was an absolute angel despite all the driving, disruptions to her schedule, and sleeping in a playpen or on the hide-a-bed with me. Her dazed mommy was forgetful about things like packing extra diapers, or remembering that it was Eva's nap or dinnertime. I decided to stay home on Wednesday and Thursday to help giver her back some stability. Much as I wanted to be with my family, all the chaos was too much for the baby, and I wasn't sleeping too well away from home, either. On Friday we had a beautiful memorial service. I was surprised how many people were able to attend on such short notice. Saturday was spent with the family at Grandma’s house, as everyone prepared to go home. My parents are coming back for their originally scheduled vacation in June, so we have something to look forward to.

4/6/06 - Little Daredevil

Eva is 10 months old already! I can hardly believe it’s already time to start planning her first birthday party! Her little personality is shining through more each day, and her adventurous spirit is pretty much fearless. We've discovered that she's somewhat of a daredevil. She loves it when we toss her above our heads or tip her upside down. Dave likes to take her stroller off-roading and pop wheelies with her clutching on for dear life, and she thinks that's the greatest. She loves it when we push her in the shopping cart and let her roll away from us, pretending she's in a runaway cart. When she gets excited, she'll scrunch up her face, purse her lips like a little fish, squeal and wave her arms wildly. When she’s really thrilled, she’ll tense up rigidly and tremble with pent-up excitement.

She has started pulling herself up on things, so we have to be on guard against little spills. She's already given us a couple scares by trying to follow us down the stairs when we forgot to put the gate back. Our cat, Rebel, has found that Eva's toys are a lot more fun than his, especially the plastic balls that bounce on the kitchen floor. He likes to chase them late at night when there's no competition, and sometimes we can hear them rolling on the tile downstairs and hitting the furniture. Eva is no less fascinated with his cat toys, fake mice, and food and water dishes. We finally built a shelf to keep them out of reach.

Baby Adventures

Last Saturday morning I had a woman's group meeting, and planned on leaving Eva with Dave like I always do. But Dave had already promised to give Chappy a hand helping a friend move, so he decided to take Eva with them. They strapped her car seat into Chappy's Infinity while I stocked up her diaper bag and nursed her. A few minutes later they were passing me on the freeway, Dave waving out the window as they passed. Out of habit I glanced at my baby auto mirror, but there was no little face smiling back at me, and suddenly I missed her. When I looked up the road at Chappy’s car, I could imagine her playing in her car seat only a few yards away, and was briefly swept by an urge to tailgate them all the way to their destination. Especially when it started to rain and the driving conditions got more challenging. When another car cut between us, cutting off my view, my momma bear feelings kicked in. Never have I been so tempted to run someone off the road. How dare they commit the ignorant crime of coming in between my baby and me? I made myself get off at my exit like a good, non-paranoid mother, and watched Chappy's car with its precious cargo speed away.

Surprisingly, I was able to enjoy my little time of independence before they came back around 2pm. I had thought that maybe I would get sore from not nursing her, but she only missed her mid-morning feeding. Lunch and dinner have been solid food for her for quite awhile now (though she's beginning to want something besides breast milk for breakfast now). Dave said she had been a perfect angel, napping in the car and crawling around the house under a watchful neighbor's eye while they loaded up furniture. She had eaten her baby food and Gerber veggie puffs, and drank from her sippy cup like a big girl. When she got back, she got her mid-afternoon feeding before I took her to a friend's baby shower. There she played on the floor with her little friends. They all like to steal each other's toys because whatever anyone else has is always more interesting.

Tummy Troubles

The next couple days Eva was very fussy with the time change and teething pain. We also noticed that she hadn't had a poopy diaper in two days, and it started to concern us. I finally gave her diluted apple juice in her sippy cup, something I had strongly resisted because I want her to like water and not get used to drinking sweet things. Pretty soon she passed some very hard stools that gave her a sore bottom. I couldn't figure out if her constipation was caused by less frequent nursing over the weekend, or the Tylenol we'd given her for teething pain. I'd never heard of Tylenol causing constipation, but then that was really the only thing that was different. She wasn't eating anything new. (I'm suddenly realizing that she's gonna kill me in a few years for publishing her bowel movements all over cyberspace. Oh, well! It's part of the parenting experience!)

Crybaby

Eva doesn't have a problem going to sleep. The problem is when we try to put her down in her crib. Always the social butterfly, she hates to think that she's missing something, and she doesn't like to be left alone. As long as we're with her, she's fine. She'll fall asleep nursing, rocking, or just resting in our lap or on our shoulder. But the moment we try to transfer her to her crib: watch out! The waterworks begin! If she's sleepy enough, it sometimes works for me to stand over the crib and let her hold my hand for a few minutes while she drifts off. She’ll just peek out of the corner of her eye a few times to make sure I’m still there. At other times, when she's really fighting sleep by being cranky and fidgety and pushing me away, I have to let her cry for about five minutes to let her work off steam. Then when I pick her back up and comfort her, she lets me hold and rock her, and drops off within minutes. Tricks of the trade, I guess. You just gotta experiment until you find what works with your child's personality.