High Needs

I was reading Dr. Sears’ description of the “High Needs Baby” on his website the other day, and it was as if he was describing Amanda perfectly.  In his story about his own high-need baby, Hayden, he said,

 

“Our first clue that she was going to be different came within a day or two. "I can't put her down," became Martha's recurrent theme. Breastfeeding for Hayden was not only a source of food, but a source of comfort. Martha became a human pacifier. Hayden would not accept substitutes. She was constantly in arms and at her mother's breast -- and after a while those arms and breasts would get tired. Hayden's cries were not mere requests, they were all-out demands. Well-meaning friends suggested, "Just put her down and let her cry it out." That didn't work at all. Her extraordinary persistence kept her crying. Her cries did not fade away. They intensified if we didn't respond.”

 

Yep.  Been there, done that!

 

“Hayden was very good at teaching us what she needed. "As long as we hold her, she's content" became our baby-care slogan. If we tried letting her fuss, she only fussed harder. We played "pass the baby." When Martha's arms gave out, into mine she came.”

 

Hmmm.  Why is this sounding so familiar?

 

“Hayden became an in arms, at breast and in-our-bed baby. If we tried to leave her for a much-needed baby break, she'd protest against any baby sitter. The neighborhood slogan became: Everywhere Bill and Martha went Hayden was sure to go. We tagged her "The Velcro Baby." Hayden opened us up as persons. The turning point came when we closed the baby books and opened our hearts to our child. Instead of defensively getting caught up in the spoiling fear, we started listening to what Hayden had been trying to tell us from the moment she exited the womb: "Hi, mom and dad! You've been blessed with a different kind of baby, and I need a different kind of parenting. If you give it to me, we're going to get along fine. If you don't, we're in for a long struggle." As soon as we discarded our preconceived ideas of how babies are supposed to be and accepted the reality of how Hayden was, we all got along much better. Hayden taught us that tiny babies don't manipulate, they communicate.”

 

That’s a good way to look at it.  Saves my sanity!

 

“She really wasn't a "fussy" baby, as long as we held her and attended to her needs. "Spirited" was misleading; everyone wants a spirited baby. She wasn't "colicky," since she didn't seem to be in pain. Nor did the tag "difficult" ring true; some may beg to differ, but we were finding that holding and being near a baby to whom we were becoming so attached was not all that difficult. Besides, these labels were too negative for this little person who seemed to know so positively what she needed and how to get it. It wasn't until years later, after talking with dozens of parents of babies who also needed to nurse so often, needed to be held a lot, needed human contact at night, that the term "high need child" came to us. It best describes the kind of baby Hayden was and the level of parenting she needed.”

 

Bingo! That’s Amanda to a T!  Since we started using Attachment Parenting methods when Eva was born, we’re already used to doing most of what he suggests, such as co-sleeping and babywearing.  Except that wearing Amanda around the house is a little more difficult than when we’re out and about.  Trying to get housework done with a baby in the sling is like trying to do them while 9 months pregnant, except now you have to worry about bumping their little head when you bend over, and you certainly can’t wear them near a hot stove.  Besides, Amanda weighed in at 17lbs, 11oz at her appointment a couple weeks ago, and that’s a lot of baby to haul around all day!  Needless to say, I usually sit down when I’m holding her for long periods of time.   She can push herself up into a sitting position now, so floor time is a good option for her, but she only likes that for about 20 minutes before she starts fussing to get picked up again.