Had an ultrasound yesterday and there was no heartbeat. Looks like the 6th chair around our dinner table is going to remain empty. Rest in peace, little one. I miss you already.
The grief comes and goes in waves. I've watched my Mom and close friends go through this, but it's the first time for me. Looks like the baby passed away about 5 weeks ago. I didn't have the slightest suspicion (I'm still getting morning sickness, even today)!
The ultrasound technician actually called it a "product of conception." I wanted to smack him upside the head. I think he was trying to minimize the loss for me, but to me it was just degrading my child. I wish I had said something, but I was in too much shock at the time.
The hardest part was telling the kids. We had a whole camping trip planned this weekend and now they can't go, and they don't quite understand why. The midwife said it wasn’t safe until everything had passed. She offered me herbs to speed up the process, but I’m in no hurry. If this is the only time I’m going to have with my child, I’ll keep him/her as long as it’s safe and God allows me.
Amanda says Jesus and Grandma Geri will take care of the baby now until we can get to heaven. I’m so grateful for these three sweet girls I still have to wrap my arms around. I know many broken-hearted mothers don’t even have that to comfort them.
Oh Rachel lbless your heart & soul and your family. Sending love across the miles to all of you.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry Rachel.
ReplyDeleteRachel, I hope you will name your little one and have a little ceremony. You have had a big loss, but you have a great support network and the most loving God to hold you and David up. One of my treasures is the journal I kept of our little one. I hope you will do the same for your child. Amanda spoke prophetically. What sweet comfort the Lord allowed her to speak to you. I so wish you were closer. I long to give you a very long hug. You are in our prayers. Mom
ReplyDeleteOh Honey,I know the pain,I lost my only son,we named him Joshua at 18 weeks along,he had passed at 14 weeks but my uterus had continued to grow to 18 weeks.I remember feeling the baby move but it was odd,it was a rolling feeling and not a fluttery feeling,I had him the morning after the ultra sound, in our bath tub.I then went in for a D&C but we didnt take Joshua in until the next day,Greg wasnt ready to give him up.Six months later we got pregnant with Samantha Jolee who just turned 12.Please take your time to morn,this is a very big thing(as you already know) to your body,mind and spirit and your family.I tried to blow through it and had a mini breakdown,on the freeway with my 3 yr old in the back!!!My step mom stayed and took care of Cheyenne, Greg and I would go to bed really early and just hold each other,so embrace your family and know that Jesus has many more good things ahead for you.Love,Belinda
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