Eva had an unusual regression yesterday evening, suddenly having several accidents in a row. She’d whine that she had to go, but refused to use the toilet, and a few minutes later would cry that she had an accident. I’d change her and tell her “you don’t go potty in your pants!”, and then try again. Every time she’d whine, I’d tell her to stop whining and go use the potty, and she’d say “No! I don’t want to go potty!”, and stubbornly hold herself while dancing around. “Why not?” I’d ask, but she wouldn’t give me any answer except “I don’t want to!” It was so frustrating, but she wouldn’t cooperate, and I couldn’t figure out why. I didn’t want to give her any ideas by suggesting anything, and she’s old enough to say “I’m scared” or at least “owie”, so I figured if there was something wrong, she’d tell me. She went through 5 pairs of shorts in an hour.
Of course, her timing was perfect – starting right around 5 o’clock. Amanda was hungry and cranky, and I was trying to feed her in her high chair while cooking dinner, which was taking longer than I had anticipated. Every time we got interrupted for a needless “accident”, Amanda would wail while I had to take Eva into the other room to clean her up. I tried to get Eva to sit down and eat dinner, but she kept whining and wouldn’t eat. After an hour of repeated incidents and getting nowhere fast, I finally lost my temper and yelled at her, “Either eat dinner, go potty, or go to bed!”, so she ran crying to her room and comforted herself in bed.
“Maybe she just needs some extra sleep” I thought, but as I turned back to the stove I felt the Lord’s still, small voice gently chiding me: “What gives you the right to talk to her like that? With all the mistakes you’ve made in your life, have I ever spoken to you like that? I’ve always shown you patience and forgiveness. I gave you that beautiful child to take care of, so love her the way I love you.” It stopped me in my tracks. I feel so powerless when both of them start crying at once and nothing I try seems to work, but that doesn’t give me permission to be mean.
Dave showed up about 10 minutes later, and I told him how crazy it had been for the past hour, and how I couldn’t figure out how to fix it. “Does Eva maybe have a UTI?” he asked. I hadn’t even thought about that. I assumed she’d have told me if it hurt. But I went ahead and checked, and sure enough, she had a painful rash. I called her doctor, who said it probably wasn’t an infection, but just chafing or irritation from running around in wet clothes while playing outside. She told me just to use diaper cream and call her back if it didn’t get better. That’s all she needed. Here Eva had been in pain for over an hour, afraid to use the bathroom, and I was just getting frustrated and impatient with her. Sometimes I wish we could rewind the day and start over. Thank goodness kids are resilient in spite of our faults, and tomorrow is another day to learn to be a better parent.
your timing couldnt be better...thanks for the writing, and wow, the hardest thing for me is when mine are both crying at the same time. I really need to hit my knees in prayer then...sometimes I just have to put one or both somewhere quiet and seek quiet time outside to myself. Thanks for the reminder. Isnt it great, we think like this, how to speak to our children with respect and think of their needs and another chance. Im far from perfect, but I am so greatful for the chance to grow and keep striving.
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