The 50/50 Trap

Nothing is as destructive to a marriage than the fallacy of a 50/50 division of labor. It only encourages you to keep score of who is and isn't doing their share. Dave and I never made this agreement, but that hasn't kept me from realizing that I'm not really keeping up my side of the bargain at times. Dave is the neat freak of the family, frequently doing more than his share of the housework just because it bugs him when it isn't done. I, on the other hand, tend to be more cluttered and disorganized, and willing to let things slide when I'm tired. I'm a horrible procrastinator. I do the laundry but put off folding it, I make dinner but leave the dishes.

It's trying for Dave, I know, though he doesn't complain. He deserves better than a messy house and a frustrated wife to come home to. On Sunday I did a bunch of laundry but decided to wait until the next morning to fold it. Dave washed a load of dishes while I lounged in the living room, then came in and told me "OK, I finished the dishes. Would you like me to fold your laundry?" and I got offended. It's not MY laundry, I told him. The house is BOTH our responsibility. "It's OK, honey" he said. "I know you need a break right now. I'll just want to get it out of the way so we don't have to do it later." That made me feel even more guilty. What right did I have to be impatient with him, when he was being so patient with me? He's more generous and understanding than I deserve, and most women I know would die to have a husband who voluntarily cleans around the house. I guess he gives me grace because he knows it doesn't come naturally to me, and in spite of my shortcomings, the grocery shopping is always done, there's always something good for dinner, and Eva somehow remains clean, dry, well-fed, and happy.