The Crying Game

Among Eva's more disturbing recent discoveries is the fact that Mommy can leave. She finds this rather unsettling, sometimes getting upset if I even leave the room to put laundry in the dryer. She'll come crawling to the stairs, bawling her eyes out until I reappear. She's better when Daddy's around, but she hates being left alone. It's a healthy, though somewhat annoying, case of separation anxiety that she'll outgrow soon enough. I decided early on that the parenting style that fit me best was more along the Attachment Parenting line. Not that I follow any style to the letter.

I don't wear Eva in a sling because she's too heavy and hurts my back, and she spends about an equal share of time in her crib as well as our bed. But I strongly agree with the attachment philosophy of responding to a baby's cries, and that you cannot spoil a baby by holding them too much. Babies, especially under 6 months, are not crying to manipulate, but to communicate their needs. I believe that frequently ignoring their cries hurts their trust in you and confidence that their needs will be met. As they get older, a foundation of responsiveness and bonding enables you to read your child's cues well enough to tell the difference between a need and a want that can wait. Now that Eva's older, I'll sometimes let her fuss for a few minutes when I put her down for a nap, once I'm assured she's just tired and not thirsty or wet.

The other day I nursed her to sleep in the afternoon and she woke up the minute I set her down. I put on a lullaby CD and gave her a few minutes to settle herself down. But when she didn't stop crying after five minutes, I figured I should double-check. I don't like her to get wound up or shrieking because then it's too hard for her to settle down. Sure enough, she had a poopy diaper. She'd already had one earlier, so it was unexpected, and I could have just ignored her and never known. But after I changed her and rocked her until she was sleepy again, she let me put her down in her crib with no fuss. Sometimes they just need some reassurance, so you have to get to know your child's personality and follow your instincts, no matter what some book or magazine article says. No one is an "expert" on your child except you.