The Crying Game

Now is the time when popular opinion says babies should be kept to a schedule during the day and taught to sleep through the night on their own. Eliminate nighttime feedings, teach babies to soothe themselves with pacifiers or blankies (anything but you), and make them sleep in their own bed. Don’t let them get used to nursing or rocking to sleep. Let them "cry it out" until they learn that it won't accomplish anything and give it up. I think there's a reason a baby's cry grates on mommy's ear like a sledgehammer. It's because you instinctively know you should respond! Crying is a baby's primary tool for communicating their needs, and being held and comforted in a scary new world is as legitimate a need as any other. Sometimes I wonder if advice like this is really for the convenience of parents who get sick of their baby needing constant attention, since it's primarily a practice of western culture.

Everybody has strong opinions on the subject, and "experts" differ in their opinions as much as everyone else, even modifying their opinions whenever a new study comes out or public opinion shifts to a new trend. I tend to distrust magazine articles that say it's fine for babies to be away from their mothers in daycare for 10 hours a day, so I'm equally as skeptical of parenting advice that tells you to fight your instincts to pick up or soothe a crying baby. I tend to agree with the "attachment parenting" line of thought, which advocates non-western techniques like nursing on demand, sleeping in the family bed, and carrying your baby in a sling. Proponents like Dr. Sears believe that young babies cannot be spoiled by attending to their cries because they are actually communicating their needs, and are not yet capable of manipulating their parents. I'm less concerned with scheduling so long as she gets enough sleep and nutrition. I have no problem picking her up whenever she needs me, and I want her to have confidence that her needs will be met when she cries. When the time comes to teach her the difference between her needs and wants, I’ve got no problem doing that, but for now I know that she needs her Mommy when she cries.